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The USA PATRIOT Act: The Story of an Impulsive Bill that Eviscerated America's Civil Liberties

The USA PATRIOT Act provides a textbook example of how the United States federal government expands its power. An emergency happens, legitimate or otherwise. The media, playing its dutiful role as goad for greater government oversight, demands "something must be done." Government power is massively expanded, with little regard for whether or not what is being done is efficacious, to say nothing of the overall impact on our nation's civil liberties.
No goals are posted, because if targets are hit, this would necessitate the ending or scaling back of the program. Instead, the program becomes normalized. There are no questions asked about whether the program is accomplishing what it set out to do. It is now simply a part of American life and there is no going back.
The American public largely accepts the USA PATRIOT Act as a part of civic life as immutable, perhaps even more so than the Bill of Rights. However, this act – passed in the dead of night, with little to no oversight, in a panic after the biggest attack on American soil since Pearl Harbor – is not only novel, it is also fundamentally opposed to virtually every principle on which the United States of America was founded. It might not be going anywhere anytime soon, but patriots, liberty lovers and defenders of Constitutional government should nonetheless familiarize themselves with the onerous provisions of this law, which is nothing short of a full-throttle attack on the American republic.

What’s Even in the USA PATRIOT Act?

What is in the USA PATRIOT Act? In the Michael Moore film Fahrenheit 9/11, then Rep. John Conyers cracked wise about how no one had actually read the Act and how this was in fact par for the course with America's laws. Thus, before delving into the deeper issues surrounding the PATRIOT Act, it is worth discussing what the Act actually says. Here’s a brief look at the 10 Titles in the PATRIOT Act:
Most of the provisions of the USA PATRIOT Act were set to sunset four years after the bill was passed into law. However, the law was extended first by President George W. Bush and then by President Barack H. Obama. The latter is particularly scandalous given that, at least in part, a rejection of the surveillance culture that permeated the Bush Administration was responsible for the election of Obama in 2008.

Passing the USA PATRIOT Act

Next, it’s important to remember the environment in which the USA PATRIOT Act was passed: Post-9/11. It is not the slightest bit of exaggeration to label the environment in which the PATRIOT Act was passed as “hysterical,” nor is “compliant” a misnomer for the Congress of the time. Opposition to the Act was slim and intensive review of one of the most sweeping Acts of Congress in American history was nonexistent.
All told, Congress took a whopping six weeks drafting, revising, reviewing and passing the PATRIOT Act. That’s less time than Congress typically spends on totally uncontroversial and routine bills that don’t gut the Fourth Amendment. The final vote found only 66 opponents in the House and one (Wisconsin Democrat Russ Feingold) in the Senate. The entire passage of the PATRIOT Act, from start to finish, took place behind closed doors. There were no committee reports or hearings for opponents to testify, nor did anyone bother to read the bill.
“Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism” is the bloated and overwrought full name of the bill, crafted by a 23-year-old Congressional staffer named Chris Cylke. This ridiculous name puts the focus not on the surveillance aspects or the erosion of basic civil liberties enshrined in Western society since the Magna Carta, but on patriotism. At the time of its creation, the messaging was very clear: Real patriots support massive intrusions on civil rights. As President George W. Bush said at the time, “Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.” This sentiment very much seemed to apply to American citizens.
While the argument that if you have nothing to hide you shouldn’t fear investigation is anathema in a Constitutional republic with regard to citizens, it should be standard operating procedure when it comes to our organs of government. If we cannot expect transparency from the United States Congress – elected officials charged with representing the will of the people and protecting the Constitution – then we certainly can’t expect it anywhere else.

The Unfortunate Growth of the USA PATRIOT Act

It’s no surprise to those in the liberty movement that given an inch, the government (in particular the military-intelligence community) took a mile. Even the nebulous definition of “terrorism,” largely centered around a long litany of acts rather than the motivation behind them, has expanded to include receiving military training from a proscribed organization (without actually committing any terrorist acts or even acts of violence of any stripe) as well as “narcoterrorism” – the latter particularly convenient, as the United States government continues its losing “War on Drugs.”
Indeed, in many ways, the War on (Some) Drugs was the template for the War on Terror. Both wars have no defined enemy, no defined terms of victory. Instead, they are waged against a nebulous concept, while enjoying bipartisan support for their ever-expanding budgets. What’s more, it didn’t take long for the Feds to start using the USA PATRIOT Act for things it was never intended for, including prosecuting the War on Drugs.
Perhaps the silliest application of the USA PATRIOT Act is the prosecution of Adam McGaughey. McGaughey maintained a fansite for the television series Stargate SG-1. The Feds charged him with copyright infringement and computer fraud. In the course of their investigation, the FBI leveraged the PATRIOT Act to get financial records from his website’s ISP. This was made possible by the USA PATRIOT Act amending the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, allowing for search and seizure of ISP records.
The New York Times discovered in September 2003, that the USA PATRIOT Act was being used to investigate alleged drug traffickers without what would otherwise be sufficient probable cause. These were investigations into non-terrorist acts using a law ostensibly designed to investigate terrorism. There was some suspicion that the Act was being used to investigate crimes occurring before the Act was passed, violating the ex post facto clause of the United States Constitution.
In one of the biggest power grabs (excluding virtually everything we know from Edward Snowden – more on that below), the FBI sent tens of thousands of “national security letters” and procured over one million financial records from targeted businesses in Las Vegas. These businesses were primarily casinos, car rental bureaus and storage spaces. The data obtained included financial records, credit histories, employment records and even people’s personal health records.
The FBI maintains and databases this – and, indeed, all information collected through the USA PATRIOT Act – indefinitely. In the good old days before the PATRIOT Act, the Feds were compelled to destroy any evidence they collected on someone later found not guilty of a crime. Note that the aforementioned data collection brought to public attention by Edward Snowden (which, again – we’re getting to that) falls under this provision. Not only is the government collecting obscene amounts of private and personal information about you, they’re also storing it indefinitely with no plans to stop.
What’s more, the FBI has approached public libraries to turn over the records for specific terminals, collecting information not about specific users who might be under investigation, but about anyone who has ever used the computer at the public library. Libraries, to their credit, have been very much at the forefront of resistance against the PATRIOT Act, with some litigating compliance despite operating on small budgets and others posting “canary letters,” which effectively say “The FBI Hasn’t Been Here Yet.” The removal of such a letter would warn patrons that the FBI has been sniffing around in their records.
Indeed, the greatest criticism of the PATRIOT Act is the simplest and perhaps most obvious: Why does an Act ostensibly passed to fight terrorism so drastically expand the government’s power to investigate virtually everyone else? The PATRIOT Act is not merely unconstitutional, it is an unprecedented expansion of state power in the Anglosphere, a culture based on restricted government and the primacy of individual rights.
An excellent example of this is the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) expansion. Most people are familiar with the term “FISA court,” but very few people actually know what it is – a special federal court created under the Carter Administration that grants approval of electronic surveillance of both citizens and resident aliens in the event that they are accused of acting in the service of a foreign power. The last part of this sentence is very important: The FISA courts are not simply for allowing surveillance of anyone that it might be expedient to collect information about. The scope of their powers is very, very limited.
Or was.
The PATRIOT Act lowered the burden of evidence required to obtain a FISA warrant for electronic surveillance and expanded the overall scope of the FISA courts. Any savvy federal agent can now drape his charges in the garb of (what else?) “national security” and obtain electronic surveillance privileges hitherto only dreamed of by investigators. FISA courts have become pliant tools in the hands of the Feds, gladly approving their requests to monitor phone and internet surveillance, as well as access to medical, financial and educational records.

The Future of the USA PATRIOT Act

Do we still need the PATRIOT Act? Did we ever? All laws are certainly a product of their times. But this seems much more acutely true of the USA PATRIOT Act, which was passed in a rush and under duress without due consideration.
Particularly in light of the revelations from Edward Snowden – that the government is spying on everything they possibly can – it’s worth asking if there’s any walking back. He points out that the police state apparatus was originally for drug dealers, then for terrorists, but ultimately ended up being applied to anyone and everyone.
What’s more, Bob Bullard notes another frightful aspect of the USA PATRIOT Act: Terrorism-related cases are not subject to the Freedom of Information Act. This means that there is little or no oversight. There is no surer hallmark of a police state than an all-powerful domestic surveillance agency with no transparency or oversight. While the USA PATRIOT Act might not create an American Stasi as such, it certainly paves the way for one.
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Analysis: Does Robin charge you too much for house upgrades and how I concluded she is a diety.

Analysis: Does Robin charge you too much for house upgrades and how I concluded she is a diety.
Ever since a Let’s Play got me into Stardew Valley, I’ve fallen in love with the world. It’s something special, a place to relax and get away from the world’s problems. Here, you can pay bills with the sweat of your own brow, make friends, fall in love, and can escape the drudgery of modern life. It’s magical in its own way.
I’ve played hundreds of hours over multiple save files. I’ve been wondering one thing just recently, however. I remember when I first asked Robin for house upgrades and the sheer bowel-emptying amount she asked for. Seriously? That much for a kitchen? Now that I haven’t left my house for the past several weeks, fear human contact, and have deep dived into the paranormal, I’m overthinking something constantly: with regards to modern housework, does Robin the carpenter over or under charge you for her work?
To figure this out, it’s going to require a fair bit of math and a lot of guesswork. I’m going to have to establish a lot of ground rules but I’m going to try and be as accurate to real world costs as I can. We need to learn four things:
  • What year does the game take place so we can calculate accurate inflation?
  • What is the square footage of the house and its upgrades?
  • What is the exchange value of gold, the game’s currency?
  • What is the cost of Robin’s labor?
Let’s tackle the first. To do this, I scoured around to look for modern conveniences. Primarily, I found these five:
  • Leah mentions she has a laptop
  • The carpentry shop sells Plasma screen TVs.
  • There is what appears to be an old Apple computer monitor in Harvey’s clinic and Maru’s room.
  • Sam has an electric guitar and what looks like a plasma screen computer monitor in his room.
  • In Mr. Qi’s casino, the slot machines do not have a lever. This is important because that gives us a firm earliest date of 1963.
Another interesting factoid is the number of Cathode-ray TVs you see in Stardew Valley. These are the precursors to plasma screens, which were in turn succeeded by LCD screen TVs. Additionally, a large number of your starter houses comes preequipped with Cathode-ray TVs. Granted, this may be because the farmhouse was abandoned for many years before you came along, but there exists another such TV in 1 River Road where we often see George watching his shows. I will concede that George and Evelyn are quite old and may not have the tech savvy nature of Sebastian to get something more modern, so that can’t be an accurate measurement. Plus, Alex’s mental acumen is a little... questionable.
As for crafting recipes, there really isn’t anything worth talking about. Magic items I won’t talk about because it has no real world comparison; that also throws out the wizard shop’s items. The furniture catalog has nothing of note to pinepoint a date, and nor does Pierre’s General Store, Joja Mart, Joja Warehouse, the Blacksmith, Stardrop Saloon, or Marnie’s ranch. Leah doesn’t mention anything about her laptop, so that is of little help.
So the casino gives us a low bound. Although manufacturing of the plasma screen TV stopped in the US in 2014, plasma screen TVs were losing their market shares around 2007 and factories were shutting down. As you can buy them like hotcakes and fill a shed with them, 2007 is our upper bound.
The price for plasma screens was quite pricey for residential homes. 1995 was the year 42 inch plasma screens became commercial, and some had home installation priced somewhere around US$15,000. Still not quite the size of the queen or king sized bed you and your spouse have (the size of the plasma screen in the game), but sixty inch plasma screen TVs were sold around the year 2000, and that is plenty big. Given the size of the screen in the game is roughly three tiles just like your bed, I think it’s safe to say this is around the size of our estimate. Our rough year range is now 1995 to 2007. Let’s split the difference and say the game takes place in 2001.
We have our year.
To calculate the size of our farmhouse, we need some baseline measurement. Luckily, the game is pixelated so we can be quite accurate in our measurements. Unluckily, we have no confirmed height of anything, so we have to intuit some things. Reddit user asparagus made this excellent size chart, so while I can just use that and save myself a lot of work, let us do some measurements of our own and then measure the farmhouse with both this method and asparagus’ method.
First, there is the height of plants, but those can vary widely. For instance, you can pot prickly pear cactuses in your farmhouse, but their height can vary anywhere between one and seven feet. Plant height is a no go. The average height of a minifridge is forty three inches (109 cm) tall, so unless you are a dwarf, that’s not right either. The fences are also a good starting point, as most agricultural fencing stands at four feet (1.2 m).
Here we don’t have to do much; all fences are forty eight pixels in height. Four feet equals out to forty eight inches (121.92 cm). It doesn’t get more perfect than that!
Trigger warning: incoming math.
Now comes the really tricky part: getting the dimensions of each iteration of your farmhouse, and squinting at my computer screen like a mole in order to count pixels; we must include walls as well as that is included in square footage. Our first iteration has pixel measurements of 704x496. Add in the doorway (136x64pixels), and then we’ll still convert for square feet. 704 * 496 + (136 * 64) = 318,452 pixels/sq, which (dividing by 12^2) converts to 2,211.47 ft/sq. Damn, we’re well on our way for most modern mansions.
I have to have messed something up (205.45 m/sq, btw). The average firebox (the inside of a fireplace where you burn wood) tends to be around 32x20 inches (81.28x50.8 cm). Ours is... 72x40. Twice as large. I also haven’t even begun to calculate the farmhouse’s height because Robin is beginning to scare me.
Alright, new plan, we’re going with asparagus. I married Haley and took her measurements. She is 104 pixels tall, and since she is 65 inches (165.1 cm) according to asparagus, that gives us a measurement of .625 inches/pixel (1.5875 cm/pixel).
Side note, I really want some Twizlers right now.
So instead of having pixels as at a 1:1 ratio, we have something a little more lenient, but things are looking a little... grim. We’ll have to convert each individual amount, so we have (704 * .625) * (496 * .625) + ((136 * 64) * .625^2) for 124,395.31 inches/sq, 863.86 ft/sq., 80.25 m/sq. But still, we haven’t even begun to calculate the actual volume of our farmhouse yet, so these numbers are going to explode.
I’m beginning to think Robin is Hestia. Yoba is not the only deity in this town.
Alright, calculating the rest of the floor spaces is a little boring so let’s speedrun this.
Wall height for the farmhouse is 140 pixels, so (140 * .625) * 124,395.31 inches/sq / 12^3 = 6,298.95 ft^3 (178.36 m^3) for the farmhouse, and 25,800.51 ft^3 (730.58 m^3) using my method.
Just... let’s move on.
Second iteration has me doing a fair bit more work.
Wall height is 135 pixels, and rightmost—wait, the walls are shorter? Weird. Anyway, the rightmost room has dimensions of 486 for width by 375 for depth (and the same cubby dimensions), giving us cuboid dimensions of 24,603,750 pixels^3, which converts to 14,238.28 ft^3 (403.18 m^3), and 3,476.14 ft^3 (82.83 m^3) using asparagus' method
Middle corridor has a dimensional width of 42 pixels by 87 depth, giving us a total of 285.47 ft^3 (8.08 m^3), and 69.69 ft^3 (1.97 m^3) using asparagus' method.
Leftmost room (the kitchen) has a width of 870 and depth of 375, with a doorway of 136x64. That gives us a cuboid area of 314,019.38 ft^3 (29,173.11 m^3), and 6,388.74 ft^3 (180.91 m^3) using asparagus' method.
That gives us a grand total for a tier two home of...
... 328,543.13 ft^3 (29,584.37 m^3) using my method and
... 9,934.58 ft^3 (281.31 m^3) using asparagus' method.
So Robin added at a minimum 3,635.63 cubic feet to your house in three days by herself. Even if you extend the days and months to roughly align with our own calendar, that would be a mere nine days. How much powdered starfruit did she snort in order to do that by herself? I 100% believe Emily is the town’s dealer. I didn’t even calculate the length of the farmhouse loft. It’s doable, and even though you can’t enter it in the game, a bigger farmhouse means a bigger loft judging by the look of it.
Anyway, I’m not going to calculate the loft area right now. I’m not going to calculate the other tiers of your farmhouse either, even though that was my intent when I started this analysis. The math is easy enough, but it gets boring to type, and no doubt to read. Plus, I’m a little stunned by Robin's carpentry acumen. C’mon Robin, stop upgrading my house. Exercise with the girls, dance with your husband, smoke some weed, I dunno, RELAX.
But in a strange way, it makes a weird sort of sense. Pretty much no one plays the game with auto-run turned off, but do so for a moment. See how fast you move. That is your normal pace, and auto-run is you, an Olympian god, sprinting around town every second of every day, helping the shit out of everyone whether they want it or not, snorting the same starfruit mixture you got from Robin to keep going, who may have gotten it from Linus (my money is still on Emily). We’ve become so accustomed to seeing the run animation as our default I almost didn’t realize it doesn’t translate to modern life. The boards in your house, I almost took those as your normal 2x4 planks of wood (which actually measure 1.5x3.5, the world lies to me). They are not. They are almost the width of your entire body, and your walking pace (sorry I can’t get an exact pixel measurement) covers roughly one and a half boards, a similar length to a normal human gait. The art style fooled even me until now, but your house is massive.
Let’s just answer our other two questions. What is the exchange rate? Calculating the exchange rate of a fictional world is always tricky as they have different concepts of rarities, but I’ll give it the ol’ college try. Once again, I can’t do anything with magic. Let’s first list some things of note:
  • Iridium is fairly easy to get around Stardew Valley once you are able, and that is a rare and valuable metal, with a current price of US$1,510 per troy ounce.
  • You can purchase a golden column to place on your farm, and gold has a current price of US$1,643 per troy ounce
  • Conversely, while the first two are rare and valuable metals, crops such as corn are valued at prices like 150g, a very unusually high amount if exchanged 1:1 to USA dollars.
  • Going back to plasma screen TVs, we can use its price history and then convert currencies to Stardew Valley gold.
Now you may be tempted to say we can’t translate iridium and gold’s prices to real world market values, and normally you may be right, but there are some extenuating circumstances in the game: the town is right next to two very large mines. It is even a plot point once you clear the glittering boulder that the water carries ore from deep inside the mountain. Yes, gold and iridium are valuable, but your location to ore veins is important; gold and iridium may be uncommon resources but you have access to very specific places where they are more common, otherwise known as the scarcity heuristic). This also explains two facts about iridium: discounting magic, iridium is quite rare in the game, just like real life. Secondly, Clint’s prices make a lot more sense not only because it’s endgame material, but because iridium is super dense and has a very high melting point, thus making it a very difficult material to work with.
But by far the biggest challenge of this question is figuring out whether or not items you produce factor in the cost of your labor or not. For instance, lace is made of simple materials that even in the days of Victorian England, it was easy to get. However because lace was so time consuming to make, it could command absurd prices. Thus, one of the first things we need to discover is whether or not the game takes into account cost of labor or not.
So I am going to take you all back to school and talk about someone who’s old and dead: Adam Smith. It was he who talked about the cost of labor in his book The Wealth of Nations, and because of that, I bring up this particular line:
“...From century to century, corn is a better measure than silver, because, from century to century, equal quantities of corn will command the same quantity of labour more nearly than equal quantities of silver.”
Why did I mention corn above? This is why. Prices may vary, but agriculture has been around for thousands of years and the cost of a farmer’s labor equals about the same.
According to Dylan Baumann, Stardew Valley corn plants have a profit value of 535 gold per plant. Our corn plant profits are about as high as they can get without adding something new into the mix, and we don’t want that yet.
Let’s set some ground rules:
  • Cultivatable farm space on the standard farm equals out to 3,427 spaces, but we’ll round that down to 3,350 for iridium sprinklers, iridium watering can, and scarecrows, equaling maximum farming with no loss of crop.
  • We’ll keep Dylan’s ground rules, so no fertilizer.
  • No preserves, jams, wine, and juices.
  • No farming efficiencies and crop selling bonuses.
  • No use of the greenhouse to grow crops outside of the growing season.
If you plant the entire farm with corn and stop harvesting on Fall day 28 when the growing season ends, that lets you harvest a total of 11 ears of corn per plant. Multiply that by 3,350, we get a total of 36,850 ears of corn for your entire farm. Corn is measured in bushels, and a bushel of corn can be anywhere between 40 and 60 ears of corn, but we’ll say you really pack it in for 60, meaning your growing season for corn produces 36,850 / 60 corn for a total of 614.17 bushels per year.
The USDA has a 2001 labor value of corn at US$2.92 per acre (and that matches the Iowa labor statistic), and using 156 bushels per acre, that brings our labor cost per bushel at... US$00.02. That’s a real pittance. Considering bushels of corn retailed around $2.11 per bushel in 2001, that is an incredible markup of 184.85 times.
We’re almost done with the dreaded math, I swear.
Corn retails at 100g apiece in Stardew Valley(You get 50 gold from Pierre, so he has a 100% markup), meaning the labor cost should be around 184.85 times less that amount, meaning it takes about 0.54 gold to make one ear of corn.
Your average US farmers salary $55,000 and $100,000, and we’ll take the middle of $77,500 for our measurements. Dividing the farmer’s salary by the total ears of corn our farmer grows in Stardew Valley, we get a labor cost per ear of corn in US dollars of $2.10 per ear of corn. Now we multiply this by our markup ratio to get the IRL retail cost of corn in Stardew, getting US$237.08! Damn that better be some good eating! We divide that number by the Stardew Valley retail cost of corn, netting us a real world conversion of gold of, drumroll please, $2.37 US dollars per gold in 2001.
Now just for funzies, let us calculate the actual salary of your famer in Stardew Valley. Multiplying your 36,850 ears of corn by 50 gold (your selling price of gold, not the retail price of 100g), that nets you 1,842,500 gold per growing season. Multiply that by the dollagold conversion we just calculated and your real life gross income comes out to be US$436,672,500.
Give me all of the golden clocks, wizard.
Three questions down, one more to go. Currency conversion was rather tricky because it involved quite a lot of math, but this last question, what is the cost of Robin’s labor, that requires the most assumptions. There’s an easy answer and a hard answer.
Robin’s upgrades, except for the last, require you the farmer to give her resources in addition to gold. The simple answer is you are providing materials in order to keep the raw gold cost down. This means that the first house upgrade, 10,000 gold, is strictly her labor cost as the 450 wood is all the raw materials she needs to build. 3 days * 3 months (to adjust Stardew month lengths to our month lengths) comes out to Robin working an IRL equivalent to 9 days. Taking 10,000 gold / 9 days equals a cost of 1,111.111 gold per day, and considering Robin has snorted enough powdered starfruit to have 20 hour work days, that comes out to 55.56 gold per hour.
Just to be sure, let’s see if the math holds up for the last upgrade. That one requires a cost of 100,000 gold and comes preequipped with 33 casks. You do not provide the resources for the casks, meaning that comes included with the cost. Casks cannot be sold, but the materials required to make them are 20 wood and 1 hardwood, which Robin will provide for the same 100% markup (meaning 4 gold and 30 gold respectively). 4 gold * 30 gold * 33 casks comes out to 3,960 gold. Using the same calculations for the first house iteration, we get (100,000 gold - 3,960) / (3 days * 3 months) / 20 hours for a total of 533.56 gold per hour.
Not even close to our first estimate. We could just average them together for (533.56 + 55.56) / 2 = 294.56 gold, and that would be the easy answer. It would be nice to settle for the easy answer.
Let’s find the hard answer. We are going to calculate labor cost per square footage, and luckily most of the work has been done over the course of several google spreadsheets. To find the cost of materials and money per upgrade volume we get the formula (Upgrade volume - Base Volume) / 10,000 gold. This gives us a grand total of cubic material built per gold of...
...2,573.26 in^3/gold, 30.27 ft^3/gold, 2.89 m^3/gold using my method and
...628.24 in^3/gold, 0.36 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method.
Let’s see if the math holds up for the basement upgrade and dammit I just realized I got to do more pixel measurements now. Hold on, be back in an hour.
Alright, I’m back. We don’t need to do any subtraction for the previous volume of the house considering the cellar is its own little area, but we still need to subtract the value of the materials used for the casks. The cellar comes out to a grand total of cubic materials built per gold of...
...386.91 in^3/gold, 0.22 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using my method and
...94.46 in^3/gold, 0.05 ft^3/gold, 0.0015 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method.
Huge discrepancy.
Before I get into my reasoning why, let us outline what we know first.
  • We’re pretty sure the game takes place in 2001.
  • We have the exact sizes of each house upgrade calculated with two different methods.
  • We have a certified exchange rate of US$2.37 at that point in time.
  • We have two different methods of calculating the cost of Robin’s labor.
  • The amount of work Robin does during her three(nine?) day job is absolutely obscene.
I come to one conclusion: Robin is a god that has settled down in the world of Stardew Valley.
Here me out. I have three pieces of evidence.
The first is when Robin is hired to take on a house upgrade job no one helps her, not even her husband Demetrius. Your house is right next to hers, so you’re not paying for travel. As we have shown by our calculations above and in the gDoc spreadsheet, that is a massive amount of work. It’s simply not possible for a human to accomplish such a monumental task. Robin claims she built her own home herself with this line from the game...
“Have I told you that I built our house from the ground up? It's definitely been the highlight of my career so far.”
...so we know her carpentry acumen is impressive enough for the job, but she has severely understated her skill. Homeadvisor pegs a house costing anywhere between US$150,000 to US$500,000 (US$102,005.53 to $340,018.44, adjusted for 2001 inflation), but even adjusted for inflation, Robin absolutely underbids the current housing market. Those inflation adjusted values, when converted to gold, come out to a range of 43,040.31g-143,467.70g. Granted, these prices are for a complete house, not adding onto a current house, but even if we half the value you are getting one hell of a discount.
The second piece is Robin’s language. The sheer passion for her work speaks wonders..
“Wood is a wonderful substance... it's versatile, cheap, strong, and each piece has its own unique character!”
...but perhaps she is just passionate about what she does. Many people are, but knowing what we do about how dirt cheap and blindingly fast she works let’s go into more detail about some things, specifically three lines. The first...
“Our little plan worked out well, don't you think? Pam and Penny seem really happy.”
...is said after Pam’s house undergoes an upgrade. “Our” plan? Sure, you are the one that buys the upgrade and Robin has to build it, but I can’t help but feel there is a double meaning behind this language. It is done out of the kindness of Robin’s heart and the materials have to come from somewhere, so she can’t do it for free, but it wasn’t about the money, as we have stated previously. It was about Penny.
Pam is a somewhat contentious person because of slobbish and slovenly nature. She is immediately and irrationally angered when Penny tries to pick the place up. She drinks heavily...
“\sigh*... My mother definitely has a problem with going to the saloon too much. But it's best not to dwell on bad things, right?”*
...doesn’t seem to understand not paying her tab has some consequences, and doesn’t realize what her habits have done to her daughter’s psyche.
Then you, the player come along. Pam is okay with the simple things in life, but you help Penny with her worries and insecurities, and then with you and Robin together, you give Penny everything she needs to help her shed those worries. She has a house that doesn have problems with rain, two friends who look out for her, her mom has a job, and most importantly she has peace of mind and in a world fraught with problems, that is truly priceless.
This is the second line...
“Hey! I heard some weird noises last night, and woke up this morning to find the quarry bridge completely repaired! It's a miracle of woodworking!”
...and it occurs once you offer items to the community center junimos to get the quarry bridge repaired.
It is also a bald-faced lie.
The junimos are good, don’t get me wrong, but we’ve seen what Robin can do with our own two eyes. She is absolutely incredible at her job, and while I may give it to her she has no idea what junimos are or what they are capable of, we have proof that the act of restoring the bridge in one night is not out of the realm of possibility for her. A miracle, yes, but I’m certain she can beat the junimos’ time.
Lastly, there is one quote from her that is just... it opens up some very interesting questions. When she says...
“My parents were bewildered when I told them I wanted to be a carpenter. They were pretty old-fashioned.”
...how old are her parents when they consider carpentry too new-fashioned for them? Carpentry is one of the world’s oldest professions. If they were old-fashioned, why were they bewildered?
This line is just so fascinating to me. Robin is incredibly skilled, but I cannot rationalize carpentry being too newfangled for parents to wrap their head around. Who were they? Where are they from? I know your secrets, Robin, I know your parents are gods, too.
The third and final piece is the contrasting pieces of the world at large. Just like ours, it’s a little depressing. Joja Corp runs dozens of what even Cyberpunk would consider a dataslave farm. The world is flooded with consumerism run amok, Orwellian surveillance, and rampant urbanization. The Ferngill Republic is in the middle of a war with the Gotoro Empire and Kent still suffers PTSD from being in a prisoner of war camp.
Stardew Valley isn’t just a town to retire in, it is a place of respite and healing. There are three confirmed magic users deeply tied to the town’s mystical roots. The bears speak and encourage you to manage the world around you. You are rewarded for restoring balance to the valley by being able to recycle things you don’t need. Your main resource in the game, gold, also doesn’t matter that much; if it ever slips into the negative, nothing bad ever happens. You must just work to raise it back up. There is no lose condition in the game.
In many respects it is similar to the Gaiaism philosophy that all living beings are connected, each relying and depending on each other in order to maintain a peaceful coexistence. You help Shane with his nihilism and depression, Sebastian with his ability to express and accept affection, Sam with his dreams, Kent with his problems, Leah with her ambitions, Haley with her generosity and narcissism, or even simple goals like Penny’s idea of a quiet domestic life.
Whether it is the addicted, lost, or scorned, everyone is welcome and everyone can have a home in Stardew Valley. No one embodies this more than Robin who just wants a simple life. Whether it is her own house or her own boat during the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies, Robin builds it herself. The feel of wood grain, the smell of lacquer, the stickiness of stain, the thrum of the saw, and the bite of the axe. Robin doesn’t charge you nearly enough for your house upgrades because it is not about the money. Woodworking is what she loves and she lives in a place where barterism, kindness, family, and friendship substitute so many of life's modern problems and inconveniences.
Friendship increases in the game aren’t just a measurement of achievements, a means of getting more recipes, or more candles lit on a grave. You are making friends and getting to know these people for who they are and everyone’s life is bettered because of it. The amount of love I’ve seen for Linus is just staggering. Shane, in all of his melancholy and despite him not being a suitor in the original version of the game, is loved by so many. I know some despise Haley, but I love that I was able to show her what kindness can do for people.
You are in a gentle and loving place, and you are loved.
What a better place for a god to reside? A quiet town filled with peace and love, seeped in nature and the old magics of yore. A loving mate, a family to raise. Land to share with those that forage from its bounty. It’s all she needs.
Robin’s role in all of this? She desires neither worship nor admiration. She is just a friend. A god, certainly, but a friend first and foremost who is just settling down in a quiet town looking for a little peace.
​
https://preview.redd.it/fkugiuh4nwv51.png?width=507&format=png&auto=webp&s=146d3dabaa63c0ce3bfd281712434e9b2a655be8
Image by MagicallyClueless
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Theory: One Stardew Valley villager is secretly a God

Ever since a Let’s Play got me into Stardew Valley, I’ve fallen in love with the world. It’s something special, a place to relax and get away from the world’s problems. Here, you can pay bills with the sweat of your own brow, make friends, fall in love, and can escape the drudgery of modern life. It’s magical in its own way.
I’ve played hundreds of hours over multiple save files. I’ve been wondering one thing just recently, however. I remember when I first asked Robin for house upgrades and the sheer bowel-emptying amount she asked for. Seriously? That much for a kitchen? Now that I haven’t left my house for the past several weeks, fear human contact, and have deep dived into the paranormal, I’m overthinking something constantly: with regards to modern housework, does Robin the carpenter over or under charge you for her work?
To figure this out, it’s going to require a fair bit of math and a lot of guesswork. I’m going to have to establish a lot of ground rules but I’m going to try and be as accurate to real world costs as I can. We need to learn four things:
Let’s tackle the first. To do this, I scoured around to look for modern conveniences. Primarily, I found these five:
Another interesting factoid is the number of Cathode-ray TVs you see in Stardew Valley. These are the precursors to plasma screens, which were in turn succeeded by LCD screen TVs. Additionally, a large number of your starter houses comes preequipped with Cathode-ray TVs. Granted, this may be because the farmhouse was abandoned for many years before you came along, but there exists another such TV in 1 River Road where we often see George watching his shows. I will concede that George and Evelyn are quite old and may not have the tech savvy nature of Sebastian to get something more modern, so that can’t be an accurate measurement. Plus, Alex’s mental acumen is a little... questionable.
As for crafting recipes, there really isn’t anything worth talking about. Magic items I won’t talk about because it has no real world comparison; that also throws out the wizard shop’s items. The furniture catalog has nothing of note to pinepoint a date, and nor does Pierre’s General Store, Joja Mart, Joja Warehouse, the Blacksmith, Stardrop Saloon, or Marnie’s ranch. Leah doesn’t mention anything about her laptop, so that is of little help.
So the casino gives us a low bound. Although manufacturing of the plasma screen TV stopped in the US in 2014, plasma screen TVs were losing their market shares around 2007 and factories were shutting down. As you can buy them like hotcakes and fill a shed with them, 2007 is our upper bound.
The price for plasma screens was quite pricey for residential homes. 1995 was the year 42 inch plasma screens became commercial, and some had home installation priced somewhere around US$15,000. Still not quite the size of the queen or king sized bed you and your spouse have (the size of the plasma screen in the game), but sixty inch plasma screen TVs were sold around the year 2000, and that is plenty big. Given the size of the screen in the game is roughly three tiles just like your bed, I think it’s safe to say this is around the size of our estimate. Our rough year range is now 1995 to 2007. Let’s split the difference and say the game takes place in 2001.
We have our year.
To calculate the size of our farmhouse, we need some baseline measurement. Luckily, the game is pixelated so we can be quite accurate in our measurements. Unluckily, we have no confirmed height of anything, so we have to intuit some things. Reddit user asparagus made this excellent size chart, so while I can just use that and save myself a lot of work, let us do some measurements of our own and then measure the farmhouse with both this method and asparagus’ method.
First, there is the height of plants, but those can vary widely. For instance, you can pot prickly pear cactuses in your farmhouse, but their height can vary anywhere between one and seven feet. Plant height is a no go. The average height of a minifridge is forty three inches (109 cm) tall, so unless you are a dwarf, that’s not right either. The fences are also a good starting point, as most agricultural fencing stands at four feet (1.2 m).
Here we don’t have to do much; all fences are forty eight pixels in height. Four feet equals out to forty eight inches (121.92 cm). It doesn’t get more perfect than that!
Trigger warning: incoming math.
Now comes the really tricky part: getting the dimensions of each iteration of your farmhouse, and squinting at my computer screen like a mole in order to count pixels; we must include walls as well as that is included in square footage. Our first iteration has pixel measurements of 704x496. Add in the doorway (136x64pixels), and then we’ll still convert for square feet. 704 * 496 + (136 * 64) = 318,452 pixels/sq, which (dividing by 12^2) converts to 2,211.47 ft/sq. Damn, we’re well on our way for most modern mansions.
I have to have messed something up (205.45 m/sq, btw). The average firebox (the inside of a fireplace where you burn wood) tends to be around 32x20 inches (81.28x50.8 cm). Ours is... 72x40. Twice as large. I also haven’t even begun to calculate the farmhouse’s height because Robin is beginning to scare me.
Alright, new plan, we’re going with asparagus. I married Haley and took her measurements. She is 104 pixels tall, and since she is 65 inches (165.1 cm) according to asparagus, that gives us a measurement of .625 inches/pixel (1.5875 cm/pixel).
Side note, I really want some Twizlers right now.
So instead of having pixels as at a 1:1 ratio, we have something a little more lenient, but things are looking a little... grim. We’ll have to convert each individual amount, so we have (704 * .625) * (496 * .625) + ((136 * 64) * .625^2) for 124,395.31 inches/sq, 863.86 ft/sq., 80.25 m/sq. But still, we haven’t even begun to calculate the actual volume of our farmhouse yet, so these numbers are going to explode.
I’m beginning to think Robin is Hestia. Yoba is not the only deity in this town.
Alright, calculating the rest of the floor spaces is a little boring so let’s speedrun this.
Wall height for the farmhouse is 140 pixels, so (140 * .625) * 124,395.31 inches/sq / 12^3 = 6,298.95 ft^3 (178.36 m^3) for the farmhouse, and 25,800.51 ft^3 (730.58 m^3) using my method.
Just... let’s move on.
Second iteration has me doing a fair bit more work.
Wall height is 135 pixels, and rightmost—wait, the walls are shorter? Weird. Anyway, the rightmost room has dimensions of 486 for width by 375 for depth (and the same cubby dimensions), giving us cuboid dimensions of 24,603,750 pixels^3, which converts to 14,238.28 ft^3 (403.18 m^3), and 3,476.14 ft^3 (82.83 m^3) using asparagus' method
Middle corridor has a dimensional width of 42 pixels by 87 depth, giving us a total of 285.47 ft^3 (8.08 m^3), and 69.69 ft^3 (1.97 m^3) using asparagus' method.
Leftmost room (the kitchen) has a width of 870 and depth of 375, with a doorway of 136x64. That gives us a cuboid area of 314,019.38 ft^3 (29,173.11 m^3), and 6,388.74 ft^3 (180.91 m^3) using asparagus' method.
That gives us a grand total for a tier two home of...
... 328,543.13 ft^3 (29,584.37 m^3) using my method and
... 9,934.58 ft^3 (281.31 m^3) using asparagus' method.
So Robin added at a minimum 3,635.63 cubic feet to your house in three days by herself. Even if you extend the days and months to roughly align with our own calendar, that would be a mere nine days. How much powdered starfruit did she snort in order to do that by herself? I 100% believe Emily is the town’s dealer. I didn’t even calculate the length of the farmhouse loft. It’s doable, and even though you can’t enter it in the game, a bigger farmhouse means a bigger loft judging by the look of it.
Anyway, I’m not going to calculate the loft area right now. I’m not going to calculate the other tiers of your farmhouse either, even though that was my intent when I started this analysis. The math is easy enough, but it gets boring to type, and no doubt to read. Plus, I’m a little stunned by Robin's carpentry acumen. C’mon Robin, stop upgrading my house. Exercise with the girls, dance with your husband, smoke some weed, I dunno, RELAX.
But in a strange way, it makes a weird sort of sense. Pretty much no one plays the game with auto-run turned off, but do so for a moment. See how fast you move. That is your normal pace, and auto-run is you, an Olympian god, sprinting around town every second of every day, helping the shit out of everyone whether they want it or not, snorting the same starfruit mixture you got from Robin to keep going, who may have gotten it from Linus (my money is still on Emily). We’ve become so accustomed to seeing the run animation as our default I almost didn’t realize it doesn’t translate to modern life. The boards in your house, I almost took those as your normal 2x4 planks of wood (which actually measure 1.5x3.5, the world lies to me). They are not. They are almost the width of your entire body, and your walking pace (sorry I can’t get an exact pixel measurement) covers roughly one and a half boards, a similar length to a normal human gait. The art style fooled even me until now, but your house is massive.
Let’s just answer our other two questions. What is the exchange rate? Calculating the exchange rate of a fictional world is always tricky as they have different concepts of rarities, but I’ll give it the ol’ college try. Once again, I can’t do anything with magic. Let’s first list some things of note:
Now you may be tempted to say we can’t translate iridium and gold’s prices to real world market values, and normally you may be right, but there are some extenuating circumstances in the game: the town is right next to two very large mines. It is even a plot point once you clear the glittering boulder that the water carries ore from deep inside the mountain. Yes, gold and iridium are valuable, but your location to ore veins is important; gold and iridium may be uncommon resources but you have access to very specific places where they are more common, otherwise known as the scarcity heuristic). This also explains two facts about iridium: discounting magic, iridium is quite rare in the game, just like real life. Secondly, Clint’s prices make a lot more sense not only because it’s endgame material, but because iridium is super dense and has a very high melting point, thus making it a very difficult material to work with.
But by far the biggest challenge of this question is figuring out whether or not items you produce factor in the cost of your labor or not. For instance, lace is made of simple materials that even in the days of Victorian England, it was easy to get. However because lace was so time consuming to make, it could command absurd prices. Thus, one of the first things we need to discover is whether or not the game takes into account cost of labor or not.
So I am going to take you all back to school and talk about someone who’s old and dead: Adam Smith. It was he who talked about the cost of labor in his book The Wealth of Nations, and because of that, I bring up this particular line:
“...From century to century, corn is a better measure than silver, because, from century to century, equal quantities of corn will command the same quantity of labour more nearly than equal quantities of silver.”
Why did I mention corn above? This is why. Prices may vary, but agriculture has been around for thousands of years and the cost of a farmer’s labor equals about the same.
According to Dylan Baumann, Stardew Valley corn plants have a profit value of 535 gold per plant. Our corn plant profits are about as high as they can get without adding something new into the mix, and we don’t want that yet.
Let’s set some ground rules:
If you plant the entire farm with corn and stop harvesting on Fall day 28 when the growing season ends, that lets you harvest a total of 11 ears of corn per plant. Multiply that by 3,350, we get a total of 36,850 ears of corn for your entire farm. Corn is measured in bushels, and a bushel of corn can be anywhere between 40 and 60 ears of corn, but we’ll say you really pack it in for 60, meaning your growing season for corn produces 36,850 / 60 corn for a total of 614.17 bushels per year.
The USDA has a 2001 labor value of corn at US$2.92 per acre (and that matches the Iowa labor statistic), and using 156 bushels per acre, that brings our labor cost per bushel at... US$00.02. That’s a real pittance. Considering bushels of corn retailed around $2.11 per bushel in 2001, that is an incredible markup of 184.85 times.
We’re almost done with the dreaded math, I swear.
Corn retails at 100g apiece in Stardew Valley(You get 50 gold from Pierre, so he has a 100% markup), meaning the labor cost should be around 184.85 times less that amount, meaning it takes about 0.54 gold to make one ear of corn.
Your average US farmers salary $55,000 and $100,000, and we’ll take the middle of $77,500 for our measurements. Dividing the farmer’s salary by the total ears of corn our farmer grows in Stardew Valley, we get a labor cost per ear of corn in US dollars of $2.10 per ear of corn. Now we multiply this by our markup ratio to get the IRL retail cost of corn in Stardew, getting US$237.08! Damn that better be some good eating! We divide that number by the Stardew Valley retail cost of corn, netting us a real world conversion of gold of, drumroll please, $2.37 US dollars per gold in 2001.
Now just for funzies, let us calculate the actual salary of your famer in Stardew Valley. Multiplying your 36,850 ears of corn by 50 gold (your selling price of gold, not the retail price of 100g), that nets you 1,842,500 gold per growing season. Multiply that by the dollagold conversion we just calculated and your real life gross income comes out to be US$436,672,500.
Give me all of the golden clocks, wizard.
Three questions down, one more to go. Currency conversion was rather tricky because it involved quite a lot of math, but this last question, what is the cost of Robin’s labor, that requires the most assumptions. There’s an easy answer and a hard answer.
Robin’s upgrades, except for the last, require you the farmer to give her resources in addition to gold. The simple answer is you are providing materials in order to keep the raw gold cost down. This means that the first house upgrade, 10,000 gold, is strictly her labor cost as the 450 wood is all the raw materials she needs to build. 3 days * 3 months (to adjust Stardew month lengths to our month lengths) comes out to Robin working an IRL equivalent to 9 days. Taking 10,000 gold / 9 days equals a cost of 1,111.111 gold per day, and considering Robin has snorted enough powdered starfruit to have 20 hour work days, that comes out to 55.56 gold per hour.
Just to be sure, let’s see if the math holds up for the last upgrade. That one requires a cost of 100,000 gold and comes preequipped with 33 casks. You do not provide the resources for the casks, meaning that comes included with the cost. Casks cannot be sold, but the materials required to make them are 20 wood and 1 hardwood, which Robin will provide for the same 100% markup (meaning 4 gold and 30 gold respectively). 4 gold * 30 gold * 33 casks comes out to 3,960 gold. Using the same calculations for the first house iteration, we get (100,000 gold - 3,960) / (3 days * 3 months) / 20 hours for a total of 533.56 gold per hour.
Not even close to our first estimate. We could just average them together for (533.56 + 55.56) / 2 = 294.56 gold, and that would be the easy answer. It would be nice to settle for the easy answer.
Let’s find the hard answer. We are going to calculate labor cost per square footage, and luckily most of the work has been done over the course of several google spreadsheets. To find the cost of materials and money per upgrade volume we get the formula (Upgrade volume - Base Volume) / 10,000 gold. This gives us a grand total of cubic material built per gold of...
...2,573.26 in^3/gold, 30.27 ft^3/gold, 2.89 m^3/gold using my method and
...628.24 in^3/gold, 0.36 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method.
Let’s see if the math holds up for the basement upgrade and dammit I just realized I got to do more pixel measurements now. Hold on, be back in an hour.
Alright, I’m back. We don’t need to do any subtraction for the previous volume of the house considering the cellar is its own little area, but we still need to subtract the value of the materials used for the casks. The cellar comes out to a grand total of cubic materials built per gold of...
...386.91 in^3/gold, 0.22 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using my method and
...94.46 in^3/gold, 0.05 ft^3/gold, 0.0015 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method.
Huge discrepancy.
Before I get into my reasoning why, let us outline what we know first.
I come to one conclusion: Robin is a god that has settled down in the world of Stardew Valley.
Here me out. I have three pieces of evidence.
The first is when Robin is hired to take on a house upgrade job no one helps her, not even her husband Demetrius. Your house is right next to hers, so you’re not paying for travel. As we have shown by our calculations above and in the gDoc spreadsheet, that is a massive amount of work. It’s simply not possible for a human to accomplish such a monumental task. Robin claims she built her own home herself with this line from the game...
“Have I told you that I built our house from the ground up? It's definitely been the highlight of my career so far.”
...so we know her carpentry acumen is impressive enough for the job, but she has severely understated her skill. Homeadvisor pegs a house costing anywhere between US$150,000 to US$500,000 (US$102,005.53 to $340,018.44, adjusted for 2001 inflation), but even adjusted for inflation, Robin absolutely underbids the current housing market. Those inflation adjusted values, when converted to gold, come out to a range of 43,040.31g-143,467.70g. Granted, these prices are for a complete house, not adding onto a current house, but even if we half the value you are getting one hell of a discount.
The second piece is Robin’s language. The sheer passion for her work speaks wonders..
“Wood is a wonderful substance... it's versatile, cheap, strong, and each piece has its own unique character!”
...but perhaps she is just passionate about what she does. Many people are, but knowing what we do about how dirt cheap and blindingly fast she works let’s go into more detail about some things, specifically three lines. The first...
“Our little plan worked out well, don't you think? Pam and Penny seem really happy.”
...is said after Pam’s house undergoes an upgrade. “Our” plan? Sure, you are the one that buys the upgrade and Robin has to build it, but I can’t help but feel there is a double meaning behind this language. It is done out of the kindness of Robin’s heart and the materials have to come from somewhere, so she can’t do it for free, but it wasn’t about the money, as we have stated previously. It was about Penny.
Pam is a somewhat contentious person because of slobbish and slovenly nature. She is immediately and irrationally angered when Penny tries to pick the place up. She drinks heavily...
“\sigh*... My mother definitely has a problem with going to the saloon too much. But it's best not to dwell on bad things, right?”*
...doesn’t seem to understand not paying her tab has some consequences, and doesn’t realize what her habits have done to her daughter’s psyche.
Then you, the player come along. Pam is okay with the simple things in life, but you help Penny with her worries and insecurities, and then with you and Robin together, you give Penny everything she needs to help her shed those worries. She has a house that doesn have problems with rain, two friends who look out for her, her mom has a job, and most importantly she has peace of mind and in a world fraught with problems, that is truly priceless.
Then there is this line...
“Hey! I heard some weird noises last night, and woke up this morning to find the quarry bridge completely repaired! It's a miracle of woodworking!”
...and it occurs once you offer items to the community center junimos to get the quarry bridge repaired.
It is also a bald-faced lie.
The junimos are good, don’t get me wrong, but we’ve seen what Robin can do with our own two eyes. She is absolutely incredible at her job, and while I may give it to her she has no idea what junimos are or what they are capable of, we have proof that the act of restoring the bridge in one night is not out of the realm of possibility for her. A miracle, yes, but I’m certain she can beat the junimos’ time.
Lastly, there is one quote from her that is just... it opens up some very interesting questions. When she says...
“My parents were bewildered when I told them I wanted to be a carpenter. They were pretty old-fashioned.”
...how old are her parents when they consider carpentry too new-fashioned for them? Carpentry is one of the world’s oldest professions. If they were old-fashioned, why were they bewildered?
This line is just so fascinating to me. Robin is incredibly skilled, but I cannot rationalize carpentry being too newfangled for parents to wrap their head around. Who were they? Where are they from? I know your secrets, Robin, I know your parents are gods, too.
The third and final piece is the contrasting pieces of the world at large. Just like ours, it’s a little depressing. Joja Corp runs dozens of what even Cyberpunk would consider a dataslave farm. The world is flooded with consumerism run amok, Orwellian surveillance, and rampant urbanization. The Ferngill Republic is in the middle of a war with the Gotoro Empire and Kent still suffers PTSD from being in a prisoner of war camp.
Stardew Valley isn’t just a town to retire in, it is a place of respite and healing. There are three confirmed magic users deeply tied to the town’s mystical roots. The bears speak and encourage you to manage the world around you. You are rewarded for restoring balance to the valley by being able to recycle things you don’t need. Your main resource in the game, gold, also doesn’t matter that much; if it ever slips into the negative, nothing bad ever happens. You must just work to raise it back up. There is no lose condition in the game.
In many respects it is similar to the Gaiaism philosophy that all living beings are connected, each relying and depending on each other in order to maintain a peaceful coexistence. You help Shane with his nihilism and depression, Sebastian with his ability to express and accept affection, Sam with his dreams, Kent with his problems, Leah with her ambitions, Haley with her generosity and narcissism, or even simple goals like Penny’s idea of a quiet domestic life.
Whether it is the addicted, lost, or scorned, everyone is welcome and everyone can have a home in Stardew Valley. No one embodies this more than Robin who just wants a simple life. Whether it is her own house or her own boat during the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies, Robin builds it herself. The feel of wood grain, the smell of lacquer, the stickiness of stain, the thrum of the saw, and the bite of the axe. Robin doesn’t charge you nearly enough for your house upgrades because it is not about the money. Woodworking is what she loves and she lives in a place where barterism, kindness, family, and friendship substitute so many of life's modern problems and inconveniences.
Friendship increases in the game aren’t just a measurement of achievements, a means of getting more recipes, or more candles lit on a grave. You are making friends and getting to know these people for who they are and everyone’s life is bettered because of it. The amount of love I’ve seen for Linus is just staggering. Shane, in all of his melancholy and despite him not being a suitor in the original version of the game, is loved by so many. I know some despise Haley, but I love that I was able to show her what kindness can do for people.
You are in a gentle and loving place, and you are loved.
What a better place for a god to reside? A quiet town filled with peace and love, seeped in nature and the old magics of yore. A loving mate, a family to raise. Land to share with those that forage from its bounty. It’s all she needs.
Robin’s role in all of this? She desires neither worship nor admiration. She is just a friend. A god, certainly, but a friend first and foremost who is just settling down in a quiet town looking for a little peace.
​
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Image by MagicallyClueless
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Cryptoslots (USA) Crypto Casino - free chip and no deposit bonus!
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Cryptoslots Review

CryptoSlots is one of the newest and most unique online casinos that you will ever come across. Owned and operated by Slotland Entertainment S.A., CryptoSlots is one of the several other brands managed by this company. Slotland traces its origins back to the late 90s and has also been responsible for the software development of numerous casino games, featured exclusively at its online casinos. CryptoSlots is one such and this gambling website is heavily marketed towards the cryptocurrency crowd, operating exclusively with Bitcoin and other notable cryptos.
As an online casino, CryptoSlots offers numerous casino games and draws in players with the excellent service it provides. New and returning customers will get to enjoy a number of promotional incentives and those who favor cryptocurrencies will feel right at home. In this review, we will take a comprehensive look at CryptoSlots and go over each of the major factors of this online casino.

Cryptoslots Bonuses and Promotions

Members of CryptoSlots Casino are eligible to receive bonuses simply for topping up their casino balances. In claiming a promotion, one can greatly increase the size of their bankroll and the total amount that they can wager. The first promotion at CryptoSlots involves a match bonus for the first three deposits made to this online casino. Your initial deposit will be matched 111% up to $500, provided that you enter the bonus code ‘WELCOME1’ when you complete the payment. If that is not enough for you, be sure to take advantage of the second deposit bonus which will match your payment 77% up to $500 as long as you enter the bonus code ‘WELCOME2’. Finally, CryptoSlots offers you the opportunity to claim a third and final bonus, which involves a 99% match of your third deposit up to $500 and requires the bonus code ‘WELCOME3’. The minimum deposit needed to all three bonuses is $25 worth of cryptocurrency.
In order to make the best out of these bonuses, there are rules that you have to follow. To begin with, the wagering requirement tied to each bonus amounts to 35 times its value. Therefore, if you claim the full $500 of each offer, you will need to $17,500 before you can withdraw the bonus cash. Speaking of which, you can only cash in up to $5,000 as a result of each bonus. The casino does seem to impose a maximum bet amount for the purposes of the wagering requirement, however, certain games contribute more to it than others. For example, bets on slot titles are worth 100% of their value, whereas the same on video poker are only counted for 20%. The Jackpot Trigger progressive game cannot be played with bonus funds. You will have 90 days to complete the wagering requirements before the bonus money becomes void.
Every week on Wednesday, CryptoSlots Casino will provide you with a cashback worth 3% of your net losses for the previous seven days. Not only that, but the cashback funds are tied to a low wagering requirement of 1x, meaning that you only have to wager it once before they become real money. The maximum cashback that you may receive is $1,000 and you can play all the games, except Jackpot Trigger, to fulfil the wagering with respect to the wagering contributions.
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CryptoSlots Casino does things differently than most other gambling websites and this is also true when it comes to acquiring the games. Traditionally, online casinos rely on third-party software providers to develop games and the two work out some agreement on how to offer them to the public. However, CryptoSlots has taken a different approach. All games featured at this online casino are developed in-house by Slotland Entertainment S.A., the company behind this casino brand. Slotland Entertainment has a practice of creating casino games and then opening online casinos to give the public a chance to play them. As it happens, this company does not offer its games outside of its own casino brands and this means that you will have the opportunity to play something exclusive. All games featured at CryptoSlots are fully modern and can be opened directly within the window of your browser, thanks to the instant-play interface. Moreover, Slotland Entertainment has also designed its titles to be mobile-compatible, but more on that later. Granted, developing all titles in-house is a slow process and CryptoSlots does not offer the largest number of games out there. However, we will go more into detail later on when we take a comprehensive look at the gaming library.

Cryptoslots Banking

Bankroll management process at CryptoSlots Casino is unlike that at most other gambling websites. For one, this online casino only accepts cryptocurrencies and does not deal with traditional methods of payment normally used in the online gambling industry, such as credit cards or eWallets. More specifically, CryptoSlots accepts payment in four highly popular currencies, namely, Bitcoin, Bitcoin Cash, Litecoin and Monero. Each of these gives you the opportunity to move money to and from your bankroll. The speed of the transactions is some of the best out there. Deposits will go through within 5 minutes, with some variance between the different services. Withdrawals are also just as quick, in terms of pure processing time.
Using cryptocurrencies exclusively is not common and it can take some getting used to. If you have never done so in the past, there are some factors that you have to be aware of. For starters, the fluctuating value of each currency is a big deal for some players. Cryptocurrencies are known to be quite volatile due to their lack of central authority and their value can swing drastically from day to day. When you make a payment to CryptoSlots, the casino will take the current value of your deposit in USD at the time of the transaction based on the exchange rate and add it to your balance. Your balance will be in USD for gaming purposes but all payments are handled in cryptocurrencies.
As far as transaction limits are concerned, the minimum deposit starts at the equivalent of $25 of the respective cryptocurrency. You can deposit up to $50,000 and exceeding that amount will see the difference returned to your crypto wallet. Withdrawals start at the equivalent of $100 in the respective cryptocurrency. It is important to note that any winnings will be cashed in with the same cryptocurrency used to make the deposit. All deposits have to be wagered once before they can be freely withdrawn. Failure to do so is considered money laundering by the Casino and a 30% processing fee will be applied. Additionally, any wins above $10,000 will be paid in multiple simultaneous installments to multiple wallets controlled by the player.
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Cryptoslots Mobile Casino

Mobile gaming is an important factor for most players out there. Being able to open up the casino from your smartphone or tablet is almost invaluable, especially in your moments of downtime when you have nothing to do. CryptoSlots understands this and is able to offer you a great mobile gaming experience. The casino website is compatible with just about every smartphone and tablet on the market, allowing you to access your favorite titles regardless of where you are.
Opening the mobile casino is not difficult by any measure. All you need to do is load the casino website within your browser and continue as you would on a desktop computer. The casino interface is made to scale with the size of the display, which means that you will not lose out on any functionality. The same is true for other features of the casino, as well. Mobile players will still have access to all promotions, banking methods, customer support and most importantly, the gaming library. The gambling experience that you have on your desktop computer is also available on mobile platforms. The instant-play interface is also featured on the mobile version, allowing you to directly load up any game directly within your browser window. Just like the general interface, the games have also been modified for better use on the smaller devices. All in all, mobile gaming is a joy at CryptoSlots and we are sure that you will have a great time.

Cryptoslots Casino Games

The gaming library of CryptoSlots is not the largest or most diverse out there. In fact, it only comes with a handful of games and features primarily slots and video poker. Granted, this is expected when an online casino uses the software of a single developer. But how does this all work out for the player? Below, we will cover the major game types found at CryptoSlots and give you some information about how the library stacks up against the industry’s standards.

Slots

The slots selection includes the largest number of titles from all available game types at CryptoSlots. The casino offers numerous different slot varieties, with a good diversity in terms of gameplay features and genres. Each game comes with its own unique theme and aesthetic, as well as, a specific number of paylines and betting limits. There is a number of games suitable for both high rollers and casual players. The ‘High-Limit’ slots are tailored after those with deep pockets and some allow for bets of up to $500 per spin. They are easily distinguished by the special mark found at the corner of the thumbnail. Of course, casual players will not miss out on all the fun, as these titles are also available with standard limits, as well.
As for the specific slots that you can play, they are different and no two games are the same. You will be able to try your luck on classic-theme titles, such as Fruitful 7s or Fruits and Bars. Additionally, you will also have at your disposal some mythology-themed slots, namely, Olympus and Pyramid Plunder. We should also not forget notable titles like Robot Escape and Trip to Japan.

Video Poker

The other major genre featured at CryptoSlots comes in the form of video poker. This game type has been popular for many years and it has seen a surge in popularity since it became available in the online casino scene. Video poker combines the inherent randomness of slots with the rules of poker and delivers a top-tier gaming experience. It is different from most other casino games in the sense that your decisions have a direct impact on the game and your overall success. It is not difficult to see why it became a fan favorite at CryptoSlots and why so many people enjoy it.
As for the video poker variations featured at CryptoSlots, you will have at your disposal some of the most popular variations in the casino scene. These include Jacks or Better, where you form winnings hands with a pair of Jacks or higher, and Joker Wild, in which the Joker card can stand in for any other in the deck. Other excellent options include Aces and Eights, a variation in which certain combinations of Eights and/or Aces offer great payouts, and Deuces and Joker Wild, a combination of two popular video poker variations. Indeed, CryptoSlots offers a good number of video poker games, some of which can even be played in the multi-hand format, allowing you to play with up to five hands at once.

Progressive Jackpot Games

When it comes to jackpot games at CryptoSlots, you will have a single one at your disposal. More specifically, we are talking about Jackpot Trigger, the crowning jewel of CryptoSlots Casino. This game is inspired by the classic 3-reel slots and comes with a theme to match. However, it includes 10 paylines and offers a massive payout of $1,000,000 to the lucky player who manages to form the right combination. Jackpot Trigger comes with impressive graphics and a beautiful color palette.
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Cryptoslots Licensing and Regulations

Where licensing is concerned, you want to be sure that the operator is completely above board and within the confines of the law. In the case of CryptoSlots, things are not as clear-cut as with other online casinos. For starters, the operator is based in Anjouan, an island in southeast Africa and also has a license from the local government. This is not a regular destination for a gambling operation and there is little information on how regulations are implemented.
However, this does not indicate that CryptoSlots is an inherently untrustworthy or fraudulent casino. In fact, CryptoSlots has done quite a lot to prove that the featured games are fair and provide genuinely random results. On the ‘Provably Fair’ page at the casino, you will find detailed explanations on how CryptoSlots produces game results. The casino goes into detail on the RNG systems and hashing algorithms used to produce outcomes. It is written in a way that even those who are not into technology can understand it and gain an idea of how it works. Moreover, there are in-depth descriptions of all the different game types at CryptoSlots, including slots, video poker, multi-hand video poker and more. Disclosing this type of information is uncommon in the online gambling industry and it shows the integrity of the operator.

Cryptoslots Customer Support

Customer support is a major factor to the online gambling experience and one that you should not overlook. To ensure that every player has a great time, CryptoSlots offers top-tier customer service to all customers. There are several ways that you can get into contact with the support team when the occasion calls for it. Your best bet is to use the live chat system. As its name implies, it allows you to communicate with a support agent in real-time and to discuss your issues at length. This method is quick and efficient, giving you the chance to quickly solve everything. The support agents will stay with you for as long as they are needed, ready to assist you with anything. Live chat support is available 24/7.
Alternatively, you may also describe your issues and send them via email to [email protected]. The casino will try to reach back to you as soon as possible, no later than 24 hours. Email support is also the communication means that you will use to verify your identity with the casino. While not as quick as live chat, it definitely serves a purpose and you can be sure that it will deliver the desired results. In any event, CrypotSlots offers great customer service and you can always rely on the support agents to resolve any and all issues.
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Conclusion

All in all, CryptoSlots certainly has some excellent features and some that are not as great. To begin with, the number of games featured at this online casino is quite small and is unlikely to satisfy most people. Moreover, certain popular game genres are missing, namely, table games and live dealer titles. The slots and video poker games that are included are great, but there are so few that you may find yourself done with them all too soon.
When it comes to payments, CryptoSlots offers you immense speed and security. Cryptocurrencies are great for this and you can have your winnings on the next business day. Moreover, the transaction limits are quite wide and the casino has certain excellent security policies in place.
Overall, CryptoSlots is a mixed bag and you should personally take a look to see if this online casino is up to your standards.
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Slotland Casino (USA) $38 free chip and 250% welcome bonus

Slotland Casino (USA) $38 free chip and 250% welcome bonus
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Slotland USA Casino Full Review
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Slotland is certified by Casino Affiliate Programs and has won a number of online gaming awards. They've been on the scene since 1998 and currently satisfy the needs of more than 50,000 online gaming fans.

Lobby Layout

The layout of a Slotland casino is simple. Rows of slots and video poker options - that’s it! If you’re looking for a lot of bells and whistles, you’ll have to wait until you put your money in the slot. Slotland does not have downloadable casinos, all they have are slot machines and video poker machines. For those who want to try to win big playing a variety of great slots and video poker games, this is perfect. No need to fool around, just click on your game, get your money on the site and start spinning the reels to win big.
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Every single game offered at Slotland runs inside of your web browser using either flash, or even plain old html and javascript. This means that players do not necessarily have to play on a PC or Mac, but they can make use of practically any digital platform out there. All you need is an Internet connection and a web browser, and you're ready to play. When it comes to the games themselves, Slotland pretty much does everything it says on the tin. As the name of this online casino implies, the majority of games on offer are of the video slot variety. In addition to this, while the selection itself isn't as vast as it could be, each one is of the highest quality. An interesting and much-loved feature of the software is the fact that every single one of the video slot games they offer form part of a single progressive jackpot. This means that every one of Slotland's players has a chance winning bigger than their wildest dreams. Of course, we at CasinoTop10 take nothing for granted and in fact, we have taken it upon ourselves to track Slotland's jackpots ourselves.
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Sound and Graphics

For many players, playing slots or video poker at a Slotland casino is better than playing in a live casino, with fuller sounds, sharper graphics, well rendered symbols and more variety. All the games are aesthetically engaging and will keep players involved for hours of play. The Slotland games lose little when moving to the mobile platform. Slot and video poker fans on the go can enjoy quality casino gaming entertainment right on their cell phone, Blackberry or other wireless device.
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Like most reputable online casinos, Slotland accepts deposits from most major payments options such as major credit card giants such as VISA and MasterCard, as well as other methods like Bitcoin, NETeller and Skrill. At Slotland all the payment methods register instantly which means that you can start to play straight away. Furthermore, when it's time to withdraw your winnings, you can use any one of the alternate methods. If these particular payment methods don't suit you, you can also request a wire transfer or a cheque. You truly won't find an operator more reliable for payouts on the net.

Customer Care

If you find yourself in a bit of a pickle, the best thing to do is visit the casino’s FAQ section. That said, if you don't find your answer there in black and white, you will have to apply a lot of patience as the site does not offer a live chat facility. You can always email them at their support email address found on their website if you are in need of assistance. There is an email for general and technical issues, another for billing issues, and another for account verification.
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These days there is no use of casino software if it is not fully supported on your favorite mobile or tablet device. Scotland software supports play on iPad, iPhone or iPod touch, as well as all Android devices. All you need to do is open your browser on mobile or tablet, log in to your account or register a new account to start playing. Another option is to scan the code found on their website on desktop and the mobile version of the casino will open automatically, and again all you need to do is log in or register. You can claim all the same bonuses regardless of whether you play on desktop, laptop, mobile phone or tablet device so you don’t have to worry that you may lose out by playing on mobile.

Safety & Security

Slotland has a long history in the industry – it was founded in 1998. It is fully licensed and registered by the Government of Anjouan. All account information is encrypted to ensure the privacy of your personal details and payment details.
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EmoCasino - free spins, no deposit bonus, promo code

EmoCasino - free spins, no deposit bonus, promo code
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Our Review of EmuCasino

EmuCasino has been around since 2012, and this online casino is one of the most respectable places you can play at, despite their relatively short history. In their 5 years of experience, they have become a core member of the eCOGRA group (which certifies fair play), and although they do not accept players from the USA, they are quite open to accepting players from across the globe, particularly those in Australia, New Zealand, the UK and Sweden. EmuCasino is managed by Rock Interactive Ltd and operated by Season Ever Ltd as well as EMG Inc. The casino holds a gambling license issued out of Curacao.

Accepted Countries

Players based in the USA are not permitted to play at EmuCasino, although players in most other major gambling countries across the globe can do. Players across the globe can choose to play their favourite blackjack games in English or Swedish at this casino site.

How’s the Software?

Players who prefer to play from the comfort of their computers can do so in EmuCasino’s instant play, web-browser based casino site. This casino carries over 500 games from many of the internet’s top casino software developers. Some of those top developers include 1×2 Gaming, 2By2 Gaming, BetSoft Gaming, Big Time Gaming, Evolution Gaming, GameArt, iSoftBet, Microgaming, Net Entertainment, Oryx Gaming, and Playson. If you’re looking for a more mobile experience, the online casino is equipped with the ability for players to play mobile casino games, although they do not have to download a mobile app to be able to do this; their mobile phone or tablet’s web browser is sufficient enough to get the job done.
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Options for Banking

There are plenty of payment methods available for players over at EMUCasino. Players can choose to deposit using a host of different options, including credit and debit cards, instant banking, Skrill, Neteller, Instadebit, Paysafecard, Flexepin and EcoPayz. Most deposit options require players to deposit at least a tenner into their account, although Instant Banking and Flexepin deposit options require £30 and £20 deposits, respectively. Maximum deposits vary between the deposit options, with ranges of £100 up to £10,000 available, depending on the deposit options selected.
Withdrawals are usually free of charge, although withdrawals could take between 1 and 5 days to land in your account, depending on the banking option chosen. Players may not be able to withdraw via all the options mentioned above. Paysafecard withdrawals, for instance, are not possible, on the basis that they are prepaid card options.
Players can opt to use several different currencies when depositing at EmuCasino. The most common currency options accepted at this casino include Australian dollars, UK pounds sterling, euros and Swedish kronor.

Available Games

We’ve already mentioned that many of the internet’s leading casino software developers provide games for players over at EmuCasino. Some of those games developers include some really big fish such as Net Entertainment and Microgaming. They alone would be able to power such a casino, although the addition of games from other developers really sweetens the deal. Players can expect to be able to play over 500 games in all.
The types of games you can find at this casino vary wildly. Slots, table games, live dealer casino games, mobile slots, roulette, baccarat and video poker games can, of course, be played, as can your favourite blackjack games.
There are 26 different blackjack variants for you to play at EmuCasino in total, including many from the aforementioned top developers. Playable blackjack games include classic blackjack, multi-hand blackjack, European blackjack, live blackjack, perfect pairs, Vegas single deck blackjack, player’s choice, Atlantic City blackjack, premier blackjack, Vegas Strip blackjack, American blackjack, 21 burn, big five, Spanish 21, pontoon, super 7, HiLo 13, pirate 2, and other classic blackjack variants.
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Deposit Bonus

New players who choose to sign up and play over at EmuCasino will be entitled to claim a welcome deposit bonus. All newbies can claim a welcome bonus which is worth up to £300, spread over the first three deposits they make. Initial deposits are worth 100% matches up to £100, whilst second and third deposits are worth matches of 50% and 80% up to £100, and another £100, respectively. This bonus has a 45x wagering requirement and can be used to play blackjack games. However, the bonus must be used within 3 days of claiming it.
As well as the welcome bonus offer, EmuCasino also carries a loyalty points and shop program known as EmuPoints and EmuShop, casino races, birthday bonuses and a VIP Club for players who play regularly (and consider themselves big spenders) to pocket priceless promos which simply aren’t available to regular members of EmuCasino.
There are no specific blackjack bonuses available at this casino site, although any bonuses you can claim from the casino can be easily used to play all your favourite online blackjack games.

Level of Service

If you find that you need customer support, the online casino can assist you rather easily. Customer services can be reached via toll-charged telephone if you are based in New Zealand or Australia, toll- free telephone if you are based in the United Kingdom, and e-mail, live chat and e-form no matter where you are based in the world. We would always recommend the live chat option over at Emu Casino since it is free and offers you considerably quicker customer support options than the other methods at this site.

Finally

As for whether you should play there or not, we can’t really see a reason why you shouldn’t. The casino site can offer players the chance to play a wide selection of blackjack games, and although the bonuses aren’t blackjack specific they can almost all be used to bolster your blackjack gaming sessions. With a top-quality array of blackjack software from many different developers, Emu
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And it’s not just you — the name reminds us of another casino too — Spin Palace. The crazy thing is that it’s not just a coincidence. Spin Casino is owned and operated by the same company that owns and operates Spin Palace.
The name isn’t the only thing these two casinos have in common, though. They also have a similar, if not identical, casino. The games, graphics, and stakes are alike.
If playing at identical casinos isn’t your cup of tea, we totally understand. There are tons of unique places to play online. You can browse our review section and find dozens of them.
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That said, we aren’t about to rest on our laurels just because Spin Casino is similar to its sister casinos. This is why we still reviewed Spin Casino with the same scrutiny we do when we review other casinos.
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Spin Casino Basic Information

Spin Casino has a license with the Malta Gaming Authority and Kahnawake Gaming Commission. They’re licensed under the names Bayton Ltd and Baytree Ltd.
Bayton Ltd and Baytree Ltd are both managed by The Palace Group. There’s a good chance that you’ve heard of The Palace Group, or at least heard of or played at one of their brands. Some of the other brands they operate include Spin Palace, Ruby Fortune, and Mummy’s Gold.
The Palace Group has been in business a long time, too — since 2001. This means that they’re getting close to their 20th anniversary online, which is light years compared to other casinos.
Between their time in business and their gaming licenses, you can feel comfortable playing at any of their brands. This includes Spin Casino.

Restricted Countries – Who Can’t Play

Players from the following countries cannot play at Spin Casino.
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  • France and Outlying Territories
  • Germany
  • Hong Kong
  • Iran
  • Israel
  • Italy
  • Myanmar
  • North Korea
  • Philippines
  • Portugal
  • Romania
  • Singapore
  • Slovakia
  • South Africa
  • Spain
  • USA and Outlying Territories
  • Taiwan
  • Turkey
  • Hungary
  • United Kingdom
Keep in mind that this list can change at any time. For that reason, we recommend you periodically check Spin Casino’s terms and conditions to see if your country has been added to the list of prohibited countries.
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The Casino

In the following sections, we’re going to look at Spin Casino’s games. That way, you can get an idea of the games they offer so that you can decide if they’ll be a good fit for you.
Unlike most casinos nowadays, Spin Casino uses only Microgaming software for its animated casino games. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s just that you won’t have the game or graphics variety that you will have at casinos that work with multiple software providers.
Trust us, though; this casino is plenty good enough. Spin Casino offers a little bit of everything here including slots, video poker, and table games.
They have a live dealer casino, too. Their live games come from Evolution and Ezugi, who are heavy hitters in the live gaming space. The result is a robust selection of live games. We’ll look at these later.
The one confusing aspect of their casino is that there are three sections — a casino, live casino, and Vegas (casino). We’re going to list some of their games below, but we’re only going to make a distinction between their animated and live dealer games.
We also noticed that their Vegas casino section doesn’t have any filters. You can’t select the type of games (slots, table games, video poker, etc.) that you want to see. This can make it tough to find the type of game you’re looking for unless you already know what it’s called.
The good news is that most, if not all, of their Vegas games, are also available in their main casino. This means there’s a chance you won’t need to visit the Vegas section at all.
Anyway, that covers the basics. Let’s now jump into each section and look at some specific examples of casino games you can play at Spin Casino.

Table Games

We’re going to start with Spin Casino’s table games. The following is a list of card and poker games that we found during our review.
  • Atlantic City Blackjack
  • Baccarat
  • Roulette
  • 3 Card Poker
  • Card Climber
  • Classic Blackjack
  • Craps
  • Double Exposure Blackjack
  • European Blackjack
  • European Roulette
  • Flip Card
  • High-Speed Poker
  • Hold’em High
  • Vegas Downtown Blackjack
  • Multi Wheel Roulette
  • Red Dog
  • Super Fun 21
  • Vegas Strip Blackjack
  • Spanish Blackjack
  • Triple Pocket Hold’em Poker
  • Cyberstud
  • And more!
There are both pluses and minuses to Spin Casino’s table game section. We’ll start with the downsides.
The most frustrating thing about their table games is that there’s no way to filter for specific games in the Vegas section. This can make it incredibly tough to find the games you want to play unless you already know what they’re called.
Another thing we were sort of unimpressed with is the lack of non-blackjack and roulette games. There are not enough games to offset all the blackjack and roulette options.
However, that brings us to one of the good things about their table game selection. They have lots of blackjack and roulette games.
In fact, you’ll find more than 30 blackjack games and more than 10 roulette games. Some of these are merely high-stakes variants or duplicate titles with improved graphics. Even discounting those, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better selection elsewhere.
Another thing we’re fans of is some of the unique games that you’ll find at Spin Casino that aren’t readily available elsewhere. For example, we can’t think of another casino that offers Triple Pocket Hold’em, Hold’em High, or Card Climber.
That’s always a good thing.
Table Game Testing, Graphics, and Stakes
Once we were done browsing their games, we opened a few of them up to make sure they worked well and to see what their graphics and stakes are like.
The graphics for the games we tested are pretty good. They’re not glossy, overly polished, or even realistic. They look more like animated games. There’s nothing wrong with that, though.
They don’t make it clear the stakes you can play for. We had to manually decrease and increase our bets to figure out the limits. The stakes we found varied from $2/hand or round to as much as $1,000. But keep in mind that this may vary depending on the game you play.
These aren’t bad limits — they’re higher than what many casinos offer. No t only that, but we also anticipated their live dealer casino offering even higher stakes. This means that we’re less concerned about how high the stakes are in this section of their casino.
We’ll look at their live dealer section in a few minutes.

Video Poker

The next section we checked out was Spin Casino’s video poker games. Here are the games we found during our review.
  • Aces & Eights Poker
  • Aces and Faces
  • All Aces Poker
  • Deuces Wild Poker
  • Deuces Wild Bonus Poker
  • Double Double Bonus Poker
  • Jacks or Better Poker
  • All American
  • Bonus Poker
  • Deuces & Joker Poker
  • Joker Poker
  • Louisiana Double Poker
  • Tens or Better Poker
This is an okay selection. On top of this, you’ll find “power,” “multi-hand,” and “Gold Series” variants that you can also choose from. We counted nearly 25 poker games in their main casino.
There are video poker machines in the Vegas section too, but we didn’t find anything different than what’s listed above.
Testing Their Games, Graphics, and Stakes
We tested a couple of their poker games during our review.
The games we played had average graphics, but that’s to be expected with video poker machines. They’re not meant to be fancy. They worked great, though. We experienced no lagging or bugs.
Some of them had neat features, too. For example, the machines we played offered the chance to double your winnings. When you make a winning hand, you can click the “double” button to play a mini-game to see if you can double up. Keep in mind that if you lose this game, you lose everything.
The best feature, though, had to be the automatic hold. Many video poker machines will tell you when you made a winning hand so that you don’t forget to hold those cards. However, one of the machines we played automatically held the best cards according to the common video poker strategy.
Now, we don’t know what strategy these machines are using or how optimal that strategy is. However, they did hold the cards we would have had this feature not existed. This is a neat option if you’re new to video poker and aren’t sure how to play optimally.
As far as stakes go, we found machines that let us play for as little as $0.25 per coin to as much as $50 per round. We recommend you bet the max number of coins, though, which means your minimum bet will be $1.25. This will vary from machine to machine, though.
Overall, we liked Spin Casino’s video poker section. We’d like to see more unique titles to choose from, but our opinion is that this lineup will work for most people reading this.

Slots

Next up is Spin Casino’s slot selection. They have far too many slot machines to list here, but here is a small sample to give you an idea of what you’ll be able to play.
  • 5 Reel Drive
  • Snow & Sable
  • Amazing Aztecs
  • Book of Oz
  • Cashville
  • Cash of Kingdoms
  • Diamond Empire
  • Dolphin Coast
  • Fruit vs Candy
  • Halloween
  • Girls with Guns
  • Game of Thrones
  • Highlander
  • Jurassic World
  • Lady in Red
  • Kings of Cash
  • Hitman
  • Lost Vegas
  • Lucky Koi
  • Oink Country Love
  • Pretty Kitty
  • Moby Dick
  • Monster Wheels
  • Robin of Sherwood
  • Silver Fang
  • So Much Sushi
  • The Great Albini
  • The Phantom of the Opera
  • Tomb Raider
  • Win Sum Dim Sum
  • Fat Lady Sings
  • Jekyll & Hyde
  • Jurassic Park
  • The Legend of Olympus
  • Throne of Egypt
  • Steam Punk Heroes
  • Winning Wizards
  • Untamed Bengal Tiger
  • Old King Cole
  • And more!
You’ll find all these slots in the main casino. There are plenty more where this comes from too. You’ll also find more slots — including unique titles not found in the main casino — inside the Vegas section.
That said, their selection of slots is much smaller than we expected considering that they work with Microgaming. We still can’t complain, though, especially after seeing some of the titles that you can play here.
For example, the slots that stood out to us are the licensed/branded slots. Licensed slots are machines that revolve around IP that other companies own. This includes movies (Jurassic Park), video games (Hitman), TV shows (Game of Thrones), and more.
These are fun to play because it’s highly likely that you’re going to be a fan of whatever the slot machine is about. For example, we like Jurassic Park. This means we get to kill two birds with one stone — play slots about a theme we really like.
Not only that, but you can play many of these slot machines in brick-and-mortar casinos. We’ve played Game of Thrones countless times during our trips to Las Vegas.
And this is just the licensed slots. You still have all the other slots that Spin Casino has to offer. This includes slots with bonus rounds, 3 and 5 reels, progressive jackpots, and features such as free spins, wilds, scatters, and more.
As for stakes, they vary so much that it’s hard to give concrete numbers. That said, we found machines that allowed us to play for as little as $0.10/spin to as much as $200. Most of the machines we looked at maxed out at $30 or less, though. This means that you might have to do some digging to find the machines with higher limits.
Overall, while Spin Casino’s slot section can definitely be bigger given that they’re powered by Microgaming, what they do have will be more than enough for most people.
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Live Dealer Games

Last up is Spin Casino’s live dealer section. Here are the games we found during our review.
  • Dragon Tiger
  • Private Blackjack
  • Shangri La Roulette
  • Dream Catcher
  • Casino Hold’em
  • Baccarat
  • Football Studio
  • Roulette
  • Ultimate Texas Hold’em
  • Lightning Roulette
  • Infinite Blackjack
  • Baccarat Super 6
  • Evolution Party Table
This is a solid selection of live games, especially when compared to other online casinos. But that’s not a surprise since some of these games come from Evolution Gaming, who’s a heavy hitter in the live gaming space.
Once you click on one of these games, you’ll be redirected to a section where you’ll find several tables to choose from (depending on the game). You’ll also find a navigation bar at the top with several filters to help you quickly find the game you want to play.
The lowest stakes we found for these games is $5 for blackjack. This is sort of a bummer since some live blackjack games can be played for as little as $1. However, $5 is pretty standard for a live game, so it’s not something we can hold against them.
You can play some of their other games, like baccarat or roulette, for $0.10-$1 per round.
The highest stakes we found were $5,000 for blackjack, $2,000 for roulette, and as much as $5,000 for everything else. These aren’t th highest stakes online, but they should work for most people.
One of the most impressive things about their games is the camera work. The different angles they use and the close-ups make it look like you’re watching a movie. Depending on the game, you can also change the camera option. For example, the roulette game lets you choose from 3D, immersive, or classic camera angles
The streams were very good considering how good the camera work was. We noticed a few lags, but they didn’t take away from the game much. The resolution was pretty good regardless.
Other features include the option to chat with your tablemates and the dealer, adjust the sound and camera angles, bet behind, and set up automatic actions. You can even multi-table several games at once.
Overall, we’re impressed with the live dealer casino at Spin Casino. You’ll have plenty of games to choose from, stakes, features, and men and women dealers that speak different languages.
We recommend you check it out.
>> Claim Free Spins Now <<

The Sportsbook

Spin Casino is unique from some of the other casinos under The Palace Group brand in that they also have a sportsbook. It’s called Spin Sports.
Here’s what you can expect to find if you choose to bet here.

Sports, Market, and Betting Options

Spin Sports has an excellent selection of sports that you can bet on. Here’s what we found during our review.
  • Soccer
  • Basketball
  • Tennis
  • Ice Hockey
  • American Football
  • Handball
  • Volleyball
  • Cricket
  • Rugby Union
  • Rugby League
  • Esports
  • Specials
  • Virtual Sports
  • Boxing
  • Gold
  • Badminton
  • Winter Sports
  • MMA
  • Darts
  • Snooker and Pool
  • Baseball
  • Cycling
  • Motor Racing
  • Speedway
  • Floorball
  • Table Tennis
  • Bandy
  • Aussie Rules
  • Surfing
  • Netball
  • Gaelic Football
  • Gaelic Hurling
  • Super Spin Specials
Many of these options have dropdown menus, too.
For example, click on the soccer option, and a dropdown menu containing options such as England, Europe, Spain, Italy, and Germany will appear. This goes for many of the other options, too — you’ll find countries as subcategories. You’ll need to click on these to find the different leagues that play in those countries.
Your betting options will obviously depend on the sport you bet on. We found plenty of choices, though. For example, you can bet outrights or money lines for Europa basketball. You’ll find spread betting, more money lines, oveunder, and outrights for NBA games.
Click on a match, and you’ll find additional markets. For example, we checked out an NBA game and found options to bet on different quarters, total points, team points per quarter or half, overtime, and more.
There are plenty of betting options here, which was a surprise, honestly, considering who’s running this sportsbook.

Live Betting

Spin Sports also offers live sports betting.
When we were there, you could bet on soccer, basketball, tennis, ice hockey, and cricket. We wouldn’t be surprised if they covered more matches than this (when those games are available).
In fact, we know that’s the case since we looked at their Event View and Live Schedule tabs. This is where you’ll see all the sports you can bet on, all the matches, and the number of betting opportunities available for each one.
And that’s about it for their live sportsbook. The one thing we’d really like to see added in the future is the option to watch live streams. It’d make sense to add a racebook too.
Here’s hoping that Spin Sports has both items on their to-do list.
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Final Thoughts

Spin Sports is a much better sportsbook than we expected. It’s hard to expect something this impressive from a company that has been running only casinos for more than a decade.
We’re fans, though. There are plenty of sports and markets to bet on. You also have your standard options for betting in American, fractional, or decimal odds, as well as using the sportsbook in different languages.
That said, there is room for improvement. They could add a racebook, live streaming, and additional features and build out their esports section.
But we think they’ve done a good job so far, and it’ll be more than enough for your typical casino player or recreational bettor.

Banking Options

Something we noticed during our review is that there’s the option to deposit inside both the casino and the sportsbook. As far as we can tell, it looks like you’ll want to deposit to the section you plan to spend your time in.
In other words, if you want to bet sports, you’ll want to deposit to your sportsbook account. If you want to play blackjack or slots, you’ll want to make your deposit to the casino.
The good news is that it looks like the same banking options are accepted in both sections. Find an option that works for you, and you can use it in both places.
When we reviewed Spin Casino, we didn’t find any evidence that suggests they charge fees on their deposits. This is great news. However, it’s not clear whether they charge fees on withdrawals.
As for limits, you can cash out as much as €4,000 per week if the amount you’re trying to cash out is more than 5x the amount that you’ve deposited over the life of your account. Otherwise, it looks like you can cash out as much as £10,000 in a 24-hour period.
This will depend on the banking option you use, of course.
Progressive jackpots are exempt from these rules, which is great to see. It’s no surprise, though, considering that they work with Microgaming.
That wraps up their banking details. The following two sections will list the banking methods you can use to fund and cash out your account.

Deposits

  • Visa
  • Visa Electron
  • Mastercard
  • Maestro
  • Neteller
  • iDebit
  • Trustly
  • Skrill
  • Echeck
  • MuchBetter
  • Paysafecard
  • Instant Banking
  • Neosurf
  • ecoPayz
  • Flexepin
  • Direct Bank Transfer

Withdrawals

  • Credit Card
  • Debit Card
  • PayPal
  • Neteller
  • Skrill
  • Paysafecard
  • ecoCard
  • Citadel
  • Instadebit
  • Direct Bank Transfer
  • Echeck
>> Claim Free Spins Now <<

Bonus Promotions

You can claim a few promotions as a customer of Spin Casino and Spin Sports. The following sections summarize the offers you can claim and the terms you need to fulfill if you do.

Spin Casino Promotions

The following are offers that you’ll find under the promotions tab on the casino side of things.

New Player Bonus

This is an offer available to first-time customers. Spin Casino is offering a 100% match bonus of up to $1,000. It’s spread out over your first three deposits like this.
  • First Deposit – 100% match up to $400
  • Second Deposit – 100% match up to $300
  • Third Deposit – 100% match up to $300
This is a nice offer because you have multiple opportunities to claim as much as you can. It’s especially helpful for players on a budget who can’t deposit $1,000 in one shot.
You will need to roll over this bonus 50x, though the playthrough will depend on the casino game you play. We recommend reading their terms if you plan to play a game other than slots.
The downside to this offer is that if you do happen to complete the playthrough with money to spare, and you want to withdraw it, cash-outs will be limited to 100 casino credits. You’ll forfeit the rest of the bonus.
That being the case, it might make more sense to play the bonus (and lose money) until you only have 100 credits left. Then make a withdrawal if you want. That way, you can enjoy the bonus money/winnings for as long as possible.
And that’s all they have for bonus offers. Spin Casino does say that they offer bonuses on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. We have no idea what those offers look like, though.
While we were there, we did notice that they have a “bonus wheel.” You spin the wheel, and you can earn prizes, such as bonuses to claim. It looks like you can spin the wheel once every couple of hours.
This is pretty neat.

Loyalty Club

Spin Casino also offers a loyalty club. This is a multi-tier program that awards more perks the higher your status.
This program has six levels.
  • Blue
  • Silver
  • Gold
  • Platinum
  • Diamond
  • Privé
As you ascend, you’ll receive additional perks such as bonus points, more entry points, exclusive tournaments, VIP support, phone support, and exclusive gifts and bonuses.
You can receive monthly bonuses too. Climb the ladder to the very top of their VIP program, and you can receive more than $10,000 every month in bonuses.
Getting to each tier is straightforward — you need to earn so many points to reach a specific status, and then so many points to maintain that status each month. You’ll earn 1 point for every $10 you spend in the casino.
We recommend you read their promotions page to determine for sure if this program will be a good fit for you. But if we understand their points setup and minimum point requirements correctly, then this looks like a good program to use — even for low-stakes players!

Spin Sports Promotions

You’ll need to be in the sportsbook section in order to find their sports betting promotions. The following are the promotions we found during our review, including what you can get and the terms you need to fulfill.
Free Bet – First-time sports bettors will be able to claim a free bet bonus. This is a 100% match up to $200. To claim the offer, deposit at least $10.
This offer has a 5x rollover ($1,000 if you claim the entire $200) before you can withdraw any winnings. We recommend you read their terms and conditions for their other rules, as you’ll need to abide by odd minimums/maximums when you make your bets.
And that’s the only offer we found for sports bettors during our review.
This isn’t a bad offer by any means. That said, it would be great if they had a few other promotions running. It’d be nice to see some kind of cashback or rebate offer or additional bonuses.
But as the saying goes, something is better than nothing.

Mobile Friendliness

Both Spin Casino and Spin Sports are mobile-friendly. You don’t need to download any apps. All you need to do is go to the casino or sportsbook from your phone or tablet and log in. You’ll be able to play all games and make bets from your browser.
It looks like you’ll have the full sportsbook at your disposal. And considering that they work with Microgaming and Evolution Gaming, we wouldn’t be surprised if most or even all of their casino games are available.
>> Claim Free Spins Now <<

Customer Support

You can use the following options to contact Spin Casino.
The email address above is addressed to the parent company of Spin Casino. The issue with that is they manage several other casinos.
For that reason, we recommend that you make it clear that you’re a Spin Casino customer when you contact them. That way, you eliminate any confusion and reduce the chances of any unnecessary back and forth.
We were disappointed to see that they don’t offer phone support despite saying they do in multiple places throughout their website.
That said, phone support still isn’t a standard communication method offered by online gambling sites. It wouldn’t be fair if we held the lack of phone support against Spin Casino.
Besides, you can contact them 24/7 using the methods above. We sent Spin Casino an email, and we were surprised to receive a response less than two hours later. They answered our questions, too.
That’s better than the average casino for sure. For that reason, we give Spin Casino’s support two virtual thumbs up.
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[S] Swoldow's Survivor: Rome

We have had 29 total newbie seasons, and this will be our 30th, and final one. We will be bringing this season back to the old days, as this final season has no theme, no tribe divisions, just pure, uncut social politics without any division whatsoever, and what better way to show this war between newbies than in the remains of a civilization known for it's bloodshed through Colosseum sports. Get ready for Swoldow's Survivor: Rome.
​
MEET THE CAST:
Ultimul Tribe:
Lupta Tribe:
​
THE SEASON: https://brantsteele.com/survivo37/r.php?c=CgGA6QI5
GOOGLE DOC WITH WRITEUPS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-h54fCfY8RXZS8DW0qncuSpYPBuHu9SRjUw_iHqxycM/edit
​
My Thoughts:
That was a very fun season! The cast was great, and it was a great way to cap off this series' final newbie season. Despite two easy votes in Candy and Mr. Dickens, Episode three had probably one of the most legendary moves ever in Frannie and Kim manipulating Triv into idoling himself out. Watching the whole thing unfold was hilarious. After another predictable vote that sent Joe packing, the tribe swap got interesting, when Jarrett and Franny got terribly swap-screwed, and then Nicky getting blindsided due to Pandora bluffing about her idol. The merge tribal was very interesting, when Bao, Kim, and Tex turned the Lupta tribe against itself, leading to a tie vote between Shelby and Blanche, with Blanche getting the boot, and due to that move, and Daphne and Pandora flipping, we sadly see Yvette, Santa, and Shelby fall victim to this great move. After, we see Rita work with the people on the botton to take out social threat Daphne, and later on, Pandora getting flipped on, only to idol out Tex. The final 6 were all extremely iconic, with Jenna going out by technicality through a tie vote, Jimmy being blindsided by Pandora, and Pandora falling back on her word in firemaking, leading Kim to get robbed of the million dollar check. The final three, Bao, Pandora, and Rita all were a very deserving top three, but Bao ended up getting the win due to his moves making more logical sense than the other two. Other iconic players were Kim, Jenna, Tex, and Daphne.
​
Potential Returnees:
Bao, Pandora, Rita, KIM, Jenna, Tex, Daphne, Shelby, Yvette
submitted by swoldow to BrantSteele [link] [comments]

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