In the late 1980s and early 1990s when I was a young teen growing up in far North Austin, it was a popular custom for many boys in the neighborhood to assemble at the local Stop-N-Go after school on a regular basis for some Grand Champion level tournaments in Street Fighter 2 and Mortal Kombat. The collective insistence of our mothers and fathers to get out of the house, get some exercise, and refrain from playing NES or Sega on the television only led us to seek out more video games at the convenience store down the road. Much allowance and lunch money was spent as well as hours that should have been devoted to homework among the 8 or 9 regular boys in attendance, often challenging each other to 'Best of 5' matches. I myself played Dhalsim and SubZero, and not very well, so I rarely ever made it to the 5th match. The store workers frequently kicked us out for the day only to have us return when they weren't working the counter anymore if not the next day.
There is something about that which has been lost in the present day. While people can today download the latest games on Steam or PSN or in the app store on your smartphone, you can't just find arcade games in stores and restaurants like you used to be able to. And so the fun of a spontaneous 8 or 10 person multiplayer video game tournament has been confined to places like bars, pool halls, Pinballz or Dave&Busters.
But in truth it was that ubiquity of arcade video games, how you could find them in any old 7-11 or Laundromat, which is what killed the original arcades of the early 1980s before the Great Crash of 1983 when home video game consoles started to catch up to what you saw in the arcade.
I was born in the mid 1970s so I missed out on Pong. I was kindergarten age when the Golden Age of Arcade Games took place in the early 1980s. There used to be a place called Skateworld on Anderson Mill Road that was primarily for roller skating but had a respectable arcade in its own right. It was there that I honed my skills on the original Tron, Pac Man, Galaga, Pole Position, Defender, and so many others. In the 1980s I remember visiting all the same mall arcades as others in my age group. There was Aladdin's Castle in Barton Creek Mall, The Gold Mine in Highland, and another Gold Mine in Northcross which was eventually renamed Tilt. Westgate Mall also had an arcade but being a north austin kid I never went there until later in the mid 1990s. There were also places like Malibu Grand Prix and Showbiz Pizza and Chuck-E-Cheeze, all of which had fairly large arcades for kids which were the secondary attraction.
If you're of a certain age you will remember Einsteins and LeFun on the Drag. They were there for a few decades going back way before the Slacker era. Lesser known is that the UT Student Union basement used to have an arcade that was comparable to either or both of those places. Back in the pre-9/11 days it was much easier to sneak in if you even vaguely looked like you could be a UT student.
But there was another place I was too young to have experienced called Smitty's up further north on 183 at Lake Creek in the early 1980s. I never got to go there but I always heard about it from older kids at the time. It was supposed to have been two stories of wall to wall games with a small snack bar. I guess at the time it served a mostly older teen crowd from Westwood High School and for that reason younger kids my age weren't having birthday parties there. It wasn't around very long, just a few years during the Golden Age of Arcades.
It is with almost-forgotten early arcades like that in mind that I wanted to share with y'all some examples of places from The Golden Age of the Video Arcade in Austin using some old Statesman articles I've found. Maybe someone of a certain age on here will remember them. I was curious what they were like, having missed out by being slightly too young to have experienced most of them first hand. I also wanted to see the original reaction to them in the press. I had a feeling there was some pushback from school/parent/civic groups on these facilities showing up in neighborhood strip malls or next to schools, and I was right to suspect. But I'm getting ahead of myself. First let's list off some places of interest. Be sure to speak up if you remember going to any of these, even if it was just for some other kid's birthday party. Unfortunately some of the only mentions about a place are reports of a crime being committed there, such as our first few examples.
Forgotten Arcade #1
Fun House/Play Time Arcade - 2820 Guadalupe
June 15, 1975

ARCADE ENTHUSIASM
A gang fight involving 20 30 people erupted early Saturday morning in front of an arcade on Guadalupe Street. The owner of the Fun House Arcade at 282J Guadalupe told police pool cues, lug wrenches, fists and a shotgun were displayed during the flurry. Police are unsure what started the fisticuffs, but one witness at the scene said it pitted Chicanos against Anglos. During the fight the owner of the arcade said a green car stopped at the side of the arcade and witnesses reported the barrel of a shotgun sticking out. The crowd wisely scattered and only a 23-year-old man was left lying on the ground. He told police he doesn't know what happened.

ARCADE ROBBED
A former employee of Play Time Arcade, 2820 Guadalupe, was charged Tuesday in connection with the Tuesday afternoon robbery of his former business. Police have issued a warrant for the arrest of Ronnie Magee, 22, of 1009 Aggie Lane, Apt. 306. Arcade attendant Sam Garner said he had played pool with the suspect an hour before the robbery. He told police the man had been fired from the business two weeks earlier. Police said a man walked in the arcade about 2:45 p m. with a blue steel pistol and took $180. Magee is charged with first degree aggravated robbery. Bond was set on the charge at $15,000.

First it was called Fun House and then renamed Play Time a year later. I'm not sure what kind of arcade games beyond Pong and maybe Asteroids they could have had at this place. The peak of the Pinball craze was supposed to be around 1979, so they might have had a few pinball machines as well. A quick search of youtube will show you a few examples of 1976 video games like Death Race. The location is next to Ken's Donuts where PokeBowl is today where the old Baskin Robbins location was for many years.
Forgotten Arcade #2
Green Goth - 1121 Springdale Road
May 15, 1984

A 23-year-old man pleaded guilty Monday to a January 1983 murder in East Austin and was sentenced to 15 years in prison. Jim Crowell Jr. of Austin admitted shooting 17-year-old Anthony Rodriguez in the chest with a shotgun after the two argued outside the Green Goth, a games arcade at 1121 Springdale Road, on Jan. 23, 1983. Crowell had argued with Rodriguez and a friend of Rodriguez at the arcade, police said. Crowell then went to his house, got a shotgun and returned to the arcade, witnesses said. When the two friends left the arcade, Rodriguez was shot Several weeks ago Crowell had reached a plea bargain with prosecutors for an eight-year prison term, but District Judge Bob Perkins would not accept the sentence, saying it was shorter than sentences in similar cases. After further plea bargaining, Crowell accepted the 15-year prison sentence.

I can't find anything else on Green Goth except reports about this incident with a murder there. There is at least one other report from 1983 around the time of Crowell's arrest that also refer to it as an arcade but reports the manager said the argument started over a game of pool. It's possible this place might have been more known for pool.
Forgotten Arcades #3 & #4
Games, Etc. - 1302 S. First St
Muther's Arcade - 2532 Guadalupe St
August 23, 1983

Losing the magic touch - Video Arcades have trouble winning the money game
It was going to be so easy for Lawrence Villegas, a video game junkie who thought he could make a fast buck by opening up an arcade where kids could plunk down an endless supply of quarters to play Pac-Man, Space Invaders and Asteroids. Villegas got together with a few friends, purchased about 30 video games and opened Games, Etc. at 1302 S. First St in 1980. .,--.... For a while, things, went great Kids waited in line to spend their money to drive race cars, slay dragons and save the universe.
AT THE BEGINNING of 1982, however, the bottom fell out, and Villegas' revenues fell from $400 a week to $25. Today, Games, Etc. is vacant Villegas, 30, who is now working for his parents at Tony's Tortilla Factory, hasn't decided what he'll do with the building. "I was hooked on Asteroids, and I opened the business to get other people hooked, too," Villegas said. "But people started getting bored, and it wasn't worth keeping the place open. In the end, I sold some machines for so little it made me sick."
VILLEGAS ISNT the only video game operator to experience hard times, video game manufacturers and distributors 'It used to be fairly common to get $300 a week from a machine. Now we rarely get more than $100 .
Pac-Man's a lost cause. Six months ago, you could resell a Pac-Man machine for $1,600. Now, you're lucky to get $950 if you can find a buyer." Ronnie Roark says. In the past year, business has dropped 25 percent to 65 percent throughout the country, they say. Most predict business will get even worse before the market stabilizes. Video game manufacturers and operators say there are several reasons for the sharp and rapid decline: Many video games can now be played at home on television, so there's no reason to go to an arcade. The novelty of video games has worn off. It has been more than a decade since the first ones hit the market The decline can be traced directly to oversaturation or the market arcade owners say. The number of games in Austin has quadrupled since 1981, and it's not uncommon to see them in coin-operated laundries, convenience stores and restaurants.
WITH SO MANY games to choose from, local operators say, Austinites be came bored. Arcades still take in thousands of dollars each week, but managers and owners say most of the money is going to a select group of newer games, while dozens of others sit idle.
"After awhile, they all seem the same," said Dan Moyed, 22, as he relaxed at Muther's Arcade at 2532 Guadalupe St "You get to know what the game is going to do before it does. You can play without even thinking about it" Arcade owners say that that, in a nutshell, is why the market is stagnating.
IN THE PAST 18 months, Ronnie Roark, owner of the Back Room at 2015 E. Riverside Drive, said his video business has dropped 65 to 75 percent Roark, . who supplied about 160 video games to several Austin bars and arcades, said the instant success of the games is what led to their demise. "The technology is not keeping up with people's demand for change," said Roark, who bought his first video game in 1972. "The average game is popular for two or three months. We're sending back games that are less than five months old."
Roark said the market began dropping in March 1982 and has been declining steadily ever since. "The drop started before University of Texas students left for the summer in 1982," Roark said. "We expected a 25 percent drop in business, and we got that, and more. It's never really picked up since then. - "It used to be fairly common to get $300 a week from a machine. Now we rarely get more than $100. 1 was shocked when I looked over my books and saw how much things had dropped."
TO COMBAT THE slump, Roark said, he and some arcade owners last year cut the price of playing. Even that didn't help, he said. Old favorites, such as Pac-Man, which once took in hundreds of dollars each week, he said, now make less than $3 each. "Pac-Man's a lost cause," he said. "Six months ago, you could resell a Pac-Man machine for $1,600. Now, you're lucky to get $950 if you can find a buyer." Hardest hit by the slump are the owners of the machines, who pay $3,500 to $5,000 for new products and split the proceeds with the businesses that house them.
SALEM JOSEPH, owner of Austin Amusement and Vending Co., said his business is off 40 percent in the past year. Worse yet, some of his customers began returning their machines, and he's having a hard time putting them back in service. "Two years ago, a machine would generate enough money to pay for itself in six months,' said Joseph, who supplies about 250 games to arcades. "Now that same machine takes 18 months to pay for itself." As a result, Joseph said, he'll buy fewer than 15 new machines this year, down from the 30 to 50 he used to buy. And about 50 machines are sitting idle in his warehouse.
"I get calls every day from people who want to sell me their machines," Joseph said. "But I can't buy them. The manufacturers won't buy them from me." ARCADE OWNERS and game manufacturers hope the advent of laser disc video games will buoy the market Don Osborne, vice president of marketing for Atari, one of the largest manufacturers of video games, said he expects laser disc games to bring a 25 percent increase in revenues next year. The new games are programmed to give players choices that may affect the outcome of the game, Os borne said. "Like the record and movie industries, the video game industry is dependent on products that stimulate the imagination," Osborne said "One of the reasons we're in a valley is that we weren't coming up with those kinds of products."
THE FIRST of the laser dis games, Dragonslayer and Star Wan hit the market about two months ago. Noel Kerns, assistant manager of The Gold Mine Arcade in Northcross Mall, says the new games are responsible for a $l,000-a-week increase in revenues. Still, Kerns said, the Gold Mine' total sales are down 20 percent iron last summer. However, he remain optimistic about the future of the video game industry. "Where else can you come out of the rain and drive a Formula One race car or save the universe?" hi asked.
Others aren't so optimistic. Roark predicted the slump will force half of all operators out of business and will last two more years. "Right now, we've got a great sup ply and almost no demand," Roark said. "That's going to have to change before things get- significantly better."

Well there is a lot to take from that long article, among other things, that the author confused "Dragonslayer" with "Dragon's Lair". I lol'd.
Anyone who has been to Emo's East, formerly known as The Back Room, knows they have arcade games and pool, but it's mostly closed when there isn't a show. That shouldn't count as an arcade, even though the former owner Ronnie Roark was apparently one of the top suppliers of cabinet games to the area during the Golden Era. Any pool hall probably had a few arcade games at the time, too, but that's not the same as being an arcade.
We also learn from the same article of two forgotten arcades: Muthers at 2522 Guadalupe where today there is a Mediterranean food restaurant, and another called Games, Etc. at 1302 S.First that today is the site of an El Mercado restaurant. But the article is mostly about showing us how bad the effects were from the crash at the end of the Golden Era. It was very hard for the early arcades to survive with increasing competition from home game consoles and personal computers, and the proliferation of the games into stores and restaurants.
Forgotten Arcades #5 #6 & #7
Computer Madness - 2414 S. Lamar Blvd.
Electronic Encounters - 1701 W Ben White Blvd (Southwood Mall)
The Outer Limits Amusements Center - 1409 W. Oltorf
March 4, 1982

'Quartermania' stalks South Austin
School officials, parents worried about effects of video games
A fear Is haunting the video game business. "We call it 'quartermania.' That's fear of running out of quarters," said Steve Stackable, co-owner of Computer Madness, a video game and foosball arcade at 2414 S. Lamar Blvd. The "quartermania" fear extends to South Austin households and schools, as well. There it's a fear of students running out of lunch money and classes to play the games. Local school officials and Austin police are monitoring the craze. They're concerned that computer hotspots could become undesirable "hangouts" for students, or that truancy could increase because students (high-school age and younger) will skip school to defend their galaxies against The Tempest.
So far police fears have not been substantiated. Department spokesmen say that although more than half the burglaries in the city are committed by juveniles during the daytime, they know of no connection between the break-ins and kids trying to feed their video habit But school and parental worries about misspent time and money continue. The public outcry in September 1980 against proposals to put electronic game arcades near two South Austin schools helped persuade city officials to reject the applications. One proposed location was near Barton Hills Elementary School. The other was South Ridge Plaza at William Cannon Drive and South First Street across from Bedlchek Junior High School.
Bedichek principal B.G. Henry said he spoke against the arcade because "of the potential attraction it had for our kids. I personally feel kids are so drawn to these things, that It might encourage them to leave the school building and play hookey. Those things have so much compulsion, kids are drawn to them like a magnet Kids can get addicted to them and throw away money, maybe their lunch money. I'm not against the video games. They may be beneficial with eye-hand coordination or even with mathematics, but when you mix the video games during school hours and near school buildings, you might be asking for problems you don't need."
A contingent from nearby Pleasant Hill Elementary School joined Bedichek in the fight back in 1980, although principal Kay Beyer said she received her first formal call about the games last Week from a mother complaining that her child was spending lunch money on them. Beyer added that no truancy problems have been related to video game-playing at a nearby 7-11 store. Allen Poehl, amusement game coordinator for Austin's 7-11 stores, said company policy rules out any game-playing by school-age youth during school hours. Fulmore Junior High principal Bill Armentrout said he is working closely with operators of a nearby 7-1 1 store to make sure their policy is enforced.
The convenience store itself, and not necessarily the video games, is a drawing card for older students and drop-outs, Armentrout said. Porter Junior High principal Marjorie Ball said that while video games aren't a big cause of truancy, "the money (spent on the games) is a big factor." Ball said she has made arrangements with nearby businesses to call the school it students are playing the games during school hours. "My concern is that kids are basically unsupervised, especially at the 24-hour grocery stores. That's a late hour for kids to be out. I would like to see them (games) unplugged at 10 p.m.," adds Joslin Elementary principal Wayne Rider.
Several proprietors of video game hot-spots say they sympathize with the concerns of parents and school officials. No one under 18 is admitted without a parent to Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theatre at 4211 S. Lamar. That rule, says night manager David Dunagan, "keeps it from being a high school hangout. This is a family place." Jerry Zollar, owner of J.J. Subs in West Wood Shopping Center on Bee Cave Road, rewards the A's on the report cards of Eanes school district students with free video games. "It's kind of a community thing we do in a different way. I've heard from both teachers and parents . . . they thought this was a good idea," said Zollar.
Electronic Encounters in Southwood Mall last year was renovated into a brightly lit arcade. "We're trying to get away from the dark, barroom-type place. We want this to be a place for family entertainment We won't let kids stay here during school hours without a written note from their parents, and we're pretty strict about that," said manager Kelly Roberts. Joyce Houston, who manages The Outer Limits amusements center at 1409 W. Oltorf St. along with her husband, said, "I wouldn't let my children go into some of the arcades I've visited. I'm a concerned parent, too. We wanted a place where the whole family could come and enjoy themselves."

Well you can see which way the tone of all these articles is going. There were some crimes committed at some arcades but all of them tended to have a negative reputation for various reasons. Parents and teachers were very skeptical of the arcades being in the neighborhoods to the point of petitioning the City Government to restrict them. Three arcades are mentioned besides Chuck-E-Cheese. Electronic Encounters in Southwood Mall, The Outer Limits amusements center at 1409 W. Oltorf, and Computer Madness, a "video game and foosball arcade" at 2414 S. Lamar Blvd.
Forgotten Arcade #8
Smitty's Galaxy of Games - Lake Creek Parkway
February 25, 1982

Arcades fighting negative image
Video games have swept across America, and Williamson and Travis counties have not been immune. In a two-part series, Neighbor examines the effects the coin-operated machines have had on suburban and small-town life.
Cities have outlawed them, religious leaders have denounced them and distraught mothers have lost countless children to their voracious appetites. And still they march on, stronger and more numerous than before. A new disease? Maybe. A wave of invading aliens from outer space? On occasion. A new type of addiction? Certainly. The culprit? Video games. Although the electronic game explosion has been mushrooming throughout the nation's urban areas for the past few years, its rippling effects have just recently been felt in the suburban fringes of North Austin and Williamson County.
In the past year, at least seven arcades armed with dozens of neon quarter-snatchers have sprung up to lure teens with thundering noises and thousands of flashing seek-and-destroy commands. Critics say arcades are dens of iniquity where children fall prey to the evils of gambling. But arcade owners say something entirely different. "Everybody fights them (arcades), they think they are a haven for drug addicts. It's just not true," said Larry Grant of Austin, who opened Eagle's Nest Fun and Games on North Austin Avenue in Georgetown last September. "These kids are great" Grant said the gameroom "gives teenagers a place to come. Some only play the games and some only talk.
In Georgetown, if you're from the high school, this is it." He said he's had very few disturbances, and asks "undesirables" to leave. "We've had a couple of rowdies. That's why I don't have any pool tables they tend to attract that type of crowd," Grant said.
Providing a place for teens to congregate was also the reason behind Ron and Carol Smith's decision to open Smitty's Galaxy of Games on Lake Creek Parkway at the entrance to Anderson Mill. "We have three teenage sons, and as soon as the oldest could drive, it became immediately apparent that there was no place to go around here," said Ron, an IBM employee who lives in Spicewood at Balcones. "This prompted us to want to open something." The business, which opened in August, has been a huge success with both parents and youngsters. "Hundreds of parents have come to check out our establishment before allowing their children to come, and what they see is a clean, safe environment managed by adults and parents," Ron said. "We've developed an outstanding rapport with the community." Video arcades "have a reputation that we have to fight," said Carol.
Kathy McCoy of Georgetown, who last October opened Krazy Korner on Willis Street in Leander, agrees. "We've got a real good group of kids," she said. "There's no violence, no nothing. Parents can always find their kids at Krazy Korner."
While all the arcade owners contacted reported that business is healthy, if not necessarily lucrative, it's not as easy for video entrepreneurs to turn a profit as one might imagine. A sizeable investment is required. Ron Smith paid between $2,800 and $5,000 for each of the 30 electronic diversions at his gameroom.
Grant said his average video game grosses about $50 a week, and his "absolute worst" game, Armor Attack, only $20 a week. The top machines (Defender and Pac-Man) can suck in an easy $125 a week. That's a lot of quarters, 500 to be exact but the Eagle's Nest and Krazy Korner pass half of them on to Neelley Vending Company of Austin which rents them their machines. "At 25 cents a shot, it takes an awful lot of people to pay the bills," said Tom Hatfield, district manager for Neelley.
He added that an owner's personality and the arcade's location can make or break the venture. The game parlor must be run "by an understanding person, someone with patience," Hatfield said. "They cannot be too demanding on the kids, yet they can't let them run all over them." And they must be located in a spot "with lots of foot traffic," such as a shopping center or near a good restaurant, he said. "And being close to a school really helps." "Video games are going to be here permanently, but we're going to see some operations not going because of the competition," which includes machines in virtually every convenience store and supermarket, Hatfield said.

This article talks about three arcades. One in Georgetown called Eagles Nest, another in Leander called Krazy Korner, and a third called Smitty's Galaxy of Games on Lake Creek Parkway "on the fringes of North Austin". This is the one I remember the older kids talking about when I was a little kid. There was once a movie theater across the street from the Westwood High School football stadium and behind that was Smitty's. Today I think the building was bulldozed long ago and the space is part of the expanded onramp to 183 today. Eventually another unrelated arcade was built next to the theater that became Alamo Lakeline. It was another site of some unrecorded epic Street Fighter 2 and Mortal Kombat tournaments in the 90s.
But the article written before the end of the Golden Era tell us much about the pushback I was talking about earlier. Early arcades were seen as "dirty" places in some circles, and the owners of the arcades in Williamson County had to stress how "clean" their establishments were. This other article from a couple of weeks later tells of how area school officials weren't worried about video games and tells us more arcades in Round Rock and Cedar Park. Apparently the end of the golden age lasted a bit longer than usual in this area.
At some point in the next few years the bubble burst, and places like Smitty's were gone by the late 80s. But the distributors quoted earlier were right that arcade games weren't going completely away. In the mid 1980s LeFun opened up next in the Scientology building at 2200 Guadalupe on the drag. Down a few doors past what used be a coffee shop and a CVS was Einsteins Arcade. Both of those survived into the 21st century. I remember the last time I was at Einsteins I got my ass beat in Tekken by a kid half my age. heheh
That's all for today. There were no Bonus Pics in the UT archive of arcades (other than the classical architectural definition). I wanted to pass on some Bonus newspaper articles (remember to click and zoom in with the buttons on the right to read) about Austin arcades anyway but first a small story.
I mentioned earlier the secret of the UT Student Union. I have no idea what it looks like now but in the 90s there was a sizable arcade in with the bowling alley in the basement. Back in 1994 when I used to sneak in, they featured this bizarre early attempt at virtual reality games. I found an old Michael Barnes Statesman article about it dated February 11, 1994. Some highlights:

Hundreds of students and curiosity-seekers lined up at the University of Texas Union to play three to five minutes of Dactyl Nightmare, Flying Aces or V-Tol, three-dimensional games from Kramer Entertainment. Nasty weather delayed the unloading of four huge trunks containing the machines, which resemble low pulpits. Still, players waited intently for a chance to shoot down a fighter jet, operate a tilt-wing Harrier or tangle with a pterodactyl. Today, tickets will go on sale in the Texas Union lobby at 11:30 a.m. for playing slots between noon and 6 p.m.
Players, fitted with full helmets, throttles and power packs, stood on shiny gray and yellow platforms surrounded by a circular guard rail. Seen behind the helmet's goggles were computer simulated landscapes, not unlike the most sophisticated video games, with controls and enemies viewed in deep space. "You're on a platform waiting to fight a human figure," said Jeff Vaughn, 19, of Dactyl Nightmare. "A pterodactyl swoops down and tries to pick you up. You have to fight it off. You are in the space and can see your own body and all around you. But if you try to walk, you have to use that joy stick to get around."
"I let the pterodactyl carry me away so I could look down and scan the board," said Tom Bowen of the same game. "That was the way I found out where the other player was." "Yeah, it's cool just to stand there and not do anything," Vaughn said. The mostly young, mostly male crowd included the usual gaming fanatics, looking haggard and tense behind glasses and beards. A smattering of women and children also pressed forward in a line that snaked past the lobby and into the Union's retail shops.
"I don't know why more women don't play. Maybe because the games are so violent," said Jennifer Webb, 24, a psychology major whose poor eyesight kept her from becoming a fighter pilot in real life. "If the Air Force won't take me, virtual reality will." "They use stereo optics moving at something like 60 frames a second," said computer science major Alex Aquila, 19. "The images are still pretty blocky. But once you play it, you'll want to play it again and again." With such demand for virtual reality, some gamesters wondered why an Austin video arcade has not invested in at least one machine.

The gameplay looked like this.
Bonus Article #1 - "Video fans play for own reasons" (Malibu Grand Prix) - March 11, 1982
Bonus Article #2 - "Pac-Man Cartridge Piques Interest" - April 13, 1982
Bonus Article #3 - "Video Games Fail Consumer" - January 29, 1984
Bonus Article #4 - "Nintendoholics/Modems Unite" - January 25, 1989
Bonus Article #5 and pt 2 "Two girls missing for a night found at arcade" (truly dedicated young gamers) - August 7, 2003

Things Seem Worse than Ever 3 Years After Infidelity in Parents' Marriage (Adult Child 28F)

Gold Dragon

Audio Verson
GMBinder Version
"You are malleable yet strong, a conductor of good yet able to forge your own way, but most of all, you are the most precious to me." - Common phrase of endearment between Gold Dragons

Introduction

Gold Dragons are the last of the "true dragons" I have yet to study. While I disagree with the title of a "true dragon" as many dragons outside of the 5 chromatics and 5 metallics are truly dragons, they are undoubtedly the most common. Gold Dragons are elusive yet more numerous than one might expect. Not every good samaritan or peddler of free and wise advice is a Gold Dragon, but now I will always have such suspicions. My curiosity of Gold Dragons was peaked long ago, having spotted one in the distance. Such serenity and peace I witnessed in what I felt was a troubling time. I then knew that it was time I better understood what a Gold Dragon meant being.

Origins

Gold Dragons are part of the metallic lineage of modern dragons. As all dragons came from the ancient pseudo dragons, the metallics diverged with lines from the Platnium Dragons. Many dragons of many forms exist in these times but not nearly as before. Gold Dragons are considered the strongest and closest to that of the now gone Platinum Dragons in power. Golds have existed long before any humanoid civilizations, but in dragon's terms, they, along with the other "true dragons," are the newest forms of dragon kind.

Physiology

Identifying a Gold Dragon

Ribbon dragons, snake dragons, cloud dancers, and even dragons of luck are all Great Golds' names. Their body is undeniably longer than most other dragons giving them a much more serpentine appearance. However, they still do have the structure and shape that is more akin to a feline; it's just longer. Their heads possess a little larger proportions in comparison to other dragons, and their necks are similarly longer. Their legs often are mistaken as shorter as they usually are flying rather than walking with their legs tucked in. The distance between the fore and hind limbs are the same as that of many other dragons but appear to be further apart as they tuck their hind legs back instead of forward. Their legs are long enough to make them some of the tallest dragons they should choose to stand on the ground.
Their skulls and horns identify most dragons; the slender forms of Golds, however, mostly single them out. It doesn't mean they can't be identified on the heads alone, though. Gold Dragons sport 4 horns. The first swoop backward and begin at the brow of the eyes. These horns are seemingly plated or segmented. The second set juts straight outward to the sides and sits just back from the eye sockets. These horns are conical and large but only grow to be so in adulthood. Gold Dragons also have many tendrils that resemble the many whiskers of a catfish. The shape of a Gold's head is much wider than tall, with their jaws being much broader than many dragons.

Wings like Sails

Beginning at the back of the head and raising to higher heights than their horns are the dual sails that run down the entire length of their neck. These sails only end at the wings, which are identical in color to the bones, supporting them and the membranes. The wings are massive, with the membranes tapering out all the way to the tail. With this structure, it appears as if they possess 2 continuous sails from horn to tail, with the upper neck and wings being peaks in their height. These sails are flexible and provide excellent air control. A Gold Dragon can glide for dozens of miles with the right air currents before needing a single flap to keep altitude. They often seem to swim through the air with gradual up and down motions. Gold dragons seem to sail wherever they go calmly.

Armor of Gold

Dragons are known for their armor-like scales and thick hides. Many tails of slaying dragons depict a chink in their nearly impenetrable armor as their only weak spot. While these tails are often exaggerated, Gold Dragons certainly live up to the legends. While just as flexible, their scales are sturdier than other dragons and much more difficult to damage or get through. Along with their meticulous cleaning of themselves, these dragons appear as if they are adorned in brilliant gold armor at all times. Don't let the properties of gold fool you; their scales are much more durable than the metal itself.

Dual Breath Weapons

Gold Dragons, much like all other metallic dragons, possess 2 different breath weapons. Their system allows for mixing chemicals and gasses they produce either naturally or by specifically eating certain minerals. Depending on the situation, they can either loose a strength-sapping gas that weakens foes considerably or blast with powerful gouts of flame.
Their strength-stealing gas is produced naturally but can also be aided by eating fluorite that often appears in granite formations. Their bodies break down the fluorite and make a gas, with the aid of other internal chemicals, that weakens those who inhale it considerably.
More common among dragons is the fiery breath weapon they can produce via their flame sac. Their faculties for creating the flame breath are not as fast-burning or hot as that of a Red Dragon's but forcefully more powerful once unleashed. Red Dragons often pride themselves on having a "more powerful" flame that melts any armor. When a Gold Dragon and a Red Dragon were to unleash their fires simultaneously head-on, the Gold wins every time.

Diet

Gold Dragons, like most other dragons, are traditionally predators. However, they have adapted to eating minerals and often chew on some softer metals and other non-biological minerals for sustenance. They enjoy trying humanoid cuisines. A Gold Dragon frequently travels far and wide, trying various dishes along the way. When on their own, they prefer to pick off lone large herbivores such as moose, cattle, or other such specimens. However, if not possible, they will take from a herd, profusely apologizing.

Magical Qualities

All dragons possess some amount of innate magical qualities. While most can shapeshift, even the chromatics, they prefer to stay in their powerful and natural forms. Gold Dragons often shapeshift to mingle among the "lesser races" that they find interesting. Many Gold Dragons like to travel and appear as humble passerby to enjoy local culture.
Golds are adept at fire and wind magic on their own. While their breath of fire is enough to suffice, they can manipulate and use existing flames as well. This ability often is a crucial ability against a common enemy, the Red Dragons. Wind magic helps them to lazily fly if they so choose or with great speed in times of need. While they do not possess many traditional spells, manipulating these elements is tremendously powerful and seemingly with ease.

Creatures of Immense Luck

Halflings are known to be the luckiest creatures of all; unfortunately, as usual, it's a slight exaggeration on their part. While the diminutive humanoids do possess a stroke of uncanny luck in comparison to many other creatures, Gold Dragons are far and above Halflings in this aspect. Gold Dragons often have a relaxed and confident nature, having learned that their luck will usually pay off. Everything from a convenient placing of an enemy to chance encounters bringing them to great treasures.
Gold Dragons are not entirely reliant on their luck and often carefully assess many of the situations they find themselves in. However, they are usually improvising as they go rather than careful planning. "Pushing your Luck" is a common phrase among Golds when they rely too much on the chances. When in humanoid communities, they can sometimes be found gambling exercising their luck. Unfortunately, dragons are just as prone as anyone else to gambling addiction. They often don't suffer consequences.

Habitat and Home

Gold Dragons are found in many climates and biomes. Despite feeling uncomfortable in cold environments, the allure of new experience often doesn't stop them. They usually reside in temperate climates when settling down, though. Some take on birds' practice and migrate south or north, depending on the equator's location, for the winter.
Despite the lack of comfort in colder climates, it's exceedingly rare for any temperature occurring naturally on a material plane to be of any real danger to a Gold Dragon. Something like the Para-Elemental Plane of Ice, however, could pose a threat.

Gold Dragon Lairs

Gold Dragons spare no effort or expense in their lavish homes. They often resemble humanoid abodes on a community's out-skirt, either camouflaged in the mystery of aloof decadence or a kind but elusive outsider. Their lair's front end is often entirely that of a humanoid dwelling with their furniture, paintings, and other fine artworks. However, when going to the cellar, back, or another inconspicuous yet tucked away from the home portion, it expands into the more extensive caves of the dragon's lair.
The lair usually contains only a few rooms, the treasure room, well, the secret one, a sleeping chamber, and a study. Despite their natural and often less than taxing ability to shapeshift, they prefer some time as their natural form, especially when sleeping. Their studying is also more comfortable in dragon form as being shapeshifted does take at least some effort in concentration, and without that distraction, they can focus on their plans. While many valuable treasures exist in the less protected than it seems, humanoid front, their most precious ones and piles of gold are in their secret treasure rooms. These rooms are often both well hidden and magically sealed with a password usually only the dragon itself knows. It would take a severe effort to simply discover the hoard, even though most would know there is one.

Treasure

Traveling the world, Gold Dragons often bring riches and souvenirs to their home for safe-keeping. While they no doubt love gold coins, they are also fond of art and fine craftsmanship. One case is a whole ship was taken by a dragon to be stored in their lair. Some dragons search for an exceptionally talented artist and indirectly or secretly fund their work to not interfere with the creative process. A dragon may have a few individuals they follow for these purposes. Often the dragon will appear as a different patron buying a piece or even requesting one if the artist seems to be in a rut of creativity. To have the eye of a Gold Dragon, assuming you're an artist of talent, is a good thing.

Life Cycle

Gold Dragons hatch from a clutch of around 6 to 7 eggs together with their siblings. However, usually only about half of those siblings ever hatch. Gold Dragon eggs need to be kept hot, very hot, to hatch properly. Depending on the region they live in, it can be a difficult task. Volcanic areas, hot springs, or other such areas are ideal temperatures for Gold Dragon eggs. However, they don't make for good living conditions. Some dragons have taken to the practice of paying individuals to guard their eggs, while others have taken long vacations to protect their brood themselves in these areas away from their homes. Home incubation is a trend that most older dragons find dangerous. While it's easier on a parent's lifestyle, it takes a lot of work both magically and from other flame, sources to keep the eggs warm enough. This practice is often called Cold Hatching by those who disapprove.
Once hatching the parent, as most Gold Dragons stay single and raise children on their own, they will care for them until they can fend for themselves. The child often decides when they are ready, and some can leave as early as 10 years into their incredibly long lifespans. While not as close to their children as humanoids, Gold Dragons keep contact with their parents for their entire lives. They don't particularly connect with siblings or family members above or below their immediate family in a tree.
When setting out for themselves, the often very young Gold Dragons spend their formative years traveling and getting to know various cultures of the world. This time is where most humanoids encounter Gold Dragons. Usually, after their first or even second century, they have an idea as to where they'd like to settle down. The dragon will then spend the next few decades carving out their extensive caves and lavish home construction both in secret and out in the open. Often this starts as merely becoming part of the community in a humanoid guise.
Gold Dragons are not different from other dragons in their massive lifespans. Several thousands of years is a typical lifespan. Thus the urge to reproduce isn't strong, and a Gold Dragon usually never takes on the responsibility more than a few times in their existence. With how long they live and the numbers of dragons produced, Gold Dragons' are steadily becoming more common.

Intelligence and Social Behavior

Intelligence

All dragons possess a robust intellectual mind that surpasses most humanoids. Gold Dragons are excellent in many aspects of intelligence but have a particular keenness for art and creativity. This mentality may be why they are so attracted to those aspects of humanoids. Gold Dragons are particularly fond of rhymes, poems, and lyrical stories. They often teach their children through song, a trend that has caught on in human communities across the planes.

Communication

Dragons, in general, are excellent linguists and know many languages. Gold Dragons often know Draconic and the tongues for every creature they've met and engaged in conversation. Depending on how daring they were when traveling the world, Gold Dragons can sometimes know upwards of 30 different languages.

Dragons of Kindness

Of all dragons, the Golds give time and energy in aid of others the most. While not on the grand scales of other metallic dragons, usually secretively and in small ways. Some Gold Dragons describe it as "sharing their luck." A lonely woman may find solace in a secret admirer, a starving child finding a fresh apple, or merely a kind traveler who offers unsolicited advice that turns someone's luck around are all examples in which gold dragons have shared luck.
Unlike many other dragons who only care to help and interact with creatures they deem worthy, Gold Dragons often help others without a thought in an individual's past deeds. However, if someone is outright evil or is narcissistic, the help may be less frequent or attached to a lesson. This courtesy seems to only extend to humanoids. Chromatic Dragons are rarely helped in any fashion.

Unintended Superiority Complex

Gold Dragons fall into the same trap that most dragons do, over-confidence. Despite their kind nature, their mentality is that of helping and living among lesser beings. They see themselves as the perfect beings in both power and mind. Thus they also tend to think of matters outside of their knowledge as unimportant or small. It's challenging to ask for a Gold Dragon to aid in a war that they have no stake in unless it affects their chosen community.
When speaking openly and candidly, they can come off as arrogant and rude despite not intending to. Golds don't enjoy making others feel inferior unless pushed to anger or a particularly troublesome individual frustrates them. They often don't hesitate to flaunt to chromatic dragons or other semi-powerful evil creatures.

Independent Loners

Gold Dragons do not often live near or work with other Gold Dragons. They are caught up in their own lives and goals to take the time to interact with their kind. The obvious exception is when they decide to raise their wyrmlings. The interactions of those in which they chose to learn about and live amongst are often enough. However, there are always exceptions.

Finding a Mate

Only 2 to 3 times in a Gold Dragon's life do they find the urge to raise young. A biological need more than a conscious decision; they tend to roam further from their established homes looking for a suitable mate. While most Gold Dragons aren't incredibly picky, it can be an uncomfortable situation for the would-be suitor. Males and females go through the same process of desiring children, however, rarely, if not ever, at the same time.
Parenting is seen in the act of raising children rather than the biological. The pressures of the chosen mate are more in the social aspect of mating. While sentient creatures mate outside of procreation Gold Dragons being of a more solitary nature are often inexperienced. Thus the courting process is often awkward and uncomfortable for both parties. However, the biological need for children is powerful.
However, the act's dalliance and a change of pace to focus on the newfound friendship with a fellow dragon often sways a dragon to agree to aid one another. Depending on the dragons, they may seek out the same mate when the desire rises again, or the mate chooses. However, unlike an exclusive relationship, they're not obligated to do so or stick with the same mates. After all, their focus is more on their chosen paths than another's. Often the mates stay in touch from time to time but nothing more.
If a female desires to raise young, she will return home after the signs of carrying fertilized eggs. If a male wishes to raise children, he will often stick around until the eggs arrive. The male then departs with the eggs in his mouth, heating them with his fire breath while flying home. It is an arduous journey depending on the distance and can be dangerous for the eggs if interrupted.

Religion

Chiefly among all Metallic Dragon religion is the worship of the Patreon, Bahamut. While Bahamut exemplifies Dragons' positive natures, he is militant in some ways, especially against Tiamat and the Chromatic Brood. Gold Dragons often don't follow the idea of fighting other dragons. However, most of them do follow the tenants of how to treat other creatures. Thus, nearly all Gold Dragons follow Bahamut but in their peaceful way.
As always, there are exceptions, and some very renowned Paladins of Bahamut were celebrated Gold Dragons. It helps that Gold Dragons, despite their peaceful natures, are both some of the largest and strongest dragons, even more so than Red Dragons.

Interactions with Other Creatures

Chromatic Dragons

While Gold Dragons avoid outright confrontation, they do enjoy tormenting the "lesser" dragons. Gold Dragons will openly insult, antagonize, and prank chromatic dragons near them. Golds are keeping them on their claws, so to speak. Everything from inciting a Blue Dragons' paranoia to stealing a Red Dragon's most prized treasure and then leaving it on their doorstep. Ultimately harmless pranks, but if caught, could undoubtedly lead to a physical and deadly confrontation. The difference is the Gold Dragon would lose their target to pick on.
Red Dragons are particularly frustrated by Golds and often seek to destroy them. To a Gold, this is a foolish endeavor but still dangerous and sometimes needs to be taken seriously. If the Red Dragon starts harming innocents to make their point, then all humor and playfulness are left behind for a harsh reaction.

Metallic and other Dragons

Golds first and foremost consider themselves above all other life, with the exception of the Lord of Dragons Bahamut. They are kind to but ultimately see other dragons as children—much how we may treat a younger sibling. They do, however, enjoy swapping stories and have close friendships with many other dragons. While they are independent and live among their communities visiting a friend is a great vacation. They are particularly fond of sharing their prank stories with the Dragons of Mirth, Copper Dragons. Silvers and Golds both share a high appreciation for humanoid society and swap details of their neighboring settlements.

Kobolds

Gold Dragons are generally disgusted with Kobolds. Even Tiamat herself shuns their existence, despite supposedly spawned their patron Katrulimak. However, they do not hate Kobolds and often employ them to guard and work around their homes. They do not openly insult them and treat them fairly. However, Kobolds are usually a little more flexible on treating humanoids and may not align with how a Gold Dragon would see them. Over time, this mentality is changed, and many Kobolds turn to Bahamut under the wing of a Gold Dragon.

Humanoids

Golds are fascinated and enjoy the company of many humanoid races. Humans, elves, dwarves, halflings, orcs, and gnolls are the most common communities with a Gold Dragon among them or nearby. They live among the people and offer their kindness and watch the service returned in others. A Gold Dragon particularly is fond of and becomes very excited to see heart "paid forward." They are content merely watching as well a real-life drama on a stage of their making.
Humanoids that don't respect life and have a similar morality, such as Gnolls, act as a subtle shift that pushes them away from immoral acts. If discovered, which is exceedingly rare, they may reveal themselves and force the community's hand in changing their ways. Ultimately, if not followed, the dragon may have to find another place to live.

Circles of In the Know

Over time, Gold Dragons often learn the error of their ways in assuming they are superior in many ways. Extraordinary humanoids in aspects the dragon realize they can not match become close friends. While not intending to out-do these people, the Gold Dragon may reveal their true identity if they can trust the person. This practice can lead to a small number of individuals in a community who are close friends with a dragon. The benefit of doing so is the dragon can form a deeper bond with individuals and learn first hand about humanoid life and mentality.

Rakshasa

Gold Dragons are not fond of and often despise the creatures known as Rakshasa. Tales of some communities speak of the rivalry between the dragon and the tiger. However, these tales are more truthful than those communities realize. Gold Dragons find the good in many creatures except the vile Rakshasa. Sorcerors of Evil and mayhem as they are often referred. Gold Dragons usually hunt down and eradicate Rakshasa even though they may be less dangerous than the Chromatic Dragons they torment.

Battle Tactics

Gold Dragons are skilled at avoiding fights either through diplomacy or intimidation. However, not all creatures can be reasoned with, especially an enraged Red Dragon. Gold Dragons are mighty creatures and usually have no trouble finishing a fight quickly.
Before a confrontation, they will revert to their proper form to intimidate or scare a severe threat as they are usually in disguise. If this doesn't deter the foe strings of logic and intimidation are the next stage of communication. If it must come to blows, the Gold will unleash their fire breath's full fury to open the fight. With most creatures, the contest ends there.
However, foes, who avoid the destruction of fire, experience the tremendous fury of a Gold Dragon. Needing to rest their breath weapon faculties, the Gold will rush in using their wings to propel them forward into a lunging bite and raking with their forelimbs. If they miss their lunge, they will use their tails to follow up and trip or smash their opponents. The fight is quick and brutal.
As a fight drags on, the dragon will unleash its strength-sapping breath weapon upon a foe to slow them down. This breath is their trump card against many rivals, as those who can go toe to toe with a Dragon will lose over time. A Gold Dragon's luck won't run out while their opponents may. Don't fight against a Gold Dragon.

Variations

Fated Lovers

While luck is often graced upon Gold Dragons in many ways, love, some would say, isn't one of those ways. Most Gold Dragons don't desire such a deep connection with as many directions their interests can go; who has time to keep track of another's? Content in their busy lives is enough for some.
Rarely are there those who are blessed with a deep romantic bond to another dragon. Gold Dragons who have met many times in their lives, most often a male and female, though not always, have the potential to see each other as Fated Lovers. When chance encounters stop being chance encounters, they seem to desire to visit the same places and secretly hope to find the other there.
Once together, these Golds seldom leave one another's side. They even pick up on similar speech patterns and mentality. Their bond is deep and inseparable. Since most find their match early in life when still traveling the worlds, Fated Lovers can be together for thousands upon thousands of years if they both live that long.
Losing a fated one is a crushing and debilitating experience as it is for many humanoids. While it takes a long time to recover, most end up continuing their lives as they once did. No case of finding another mate exists to date.

Paladins of Bahamut

While Gold Dragons often don't ever lose their fascination with humanoids, some forgo their journeys and become Paladins of Bahamut. Often these individuals are called explicitly and chosen by the Father Dragon himself. Weather for their talents or something underneath their character, they keep the realms safe from Chromatic Dragons.
Golds are the strongest warriors of Bahamut and used as strike forces to quickly fight and eradicate chromatic dragons who show open allegiance to The Dragon of Chaos, Tiamat. Chromatics who have greedily overstepped their bounds, with no mercy or discussion, Paladins end them.
They are trained from the time of leaving their parent under a Paladin in the ways and laws of Bahamut. With around 50 years of learning from a teacher on fighting a Chromatic Dragon, Gold Paladins are the most feared creatures by Tiamat's Brood. Even ancient Red Dragons may fear a Paladin learning of their name.

Dragons of Enlightenment

Some dragons seek a state of peace, much like the monk communities. Monks may at times have a Gold Dragon interested enough in their ways for them to join the order. Most join and stay in humanoid form, hiding their presence as long as they can. However, most communities either already know and don't say or ask them not to hide. Deception often blocks the path of inner peace. Dragons of Enlightenment are humbled by how far humans can push themselves physically and mentally as betterment tests. These dragons are the kindest and humble known of any dragon and often stay in Monk Temples' service.
Eventually, most Dragons of Enlightenment no longer shapeshift and have no greed for treasure. Instead, they are open to their nature and aid those on the same journey to inner peace. They are some of the happiest dragons ever known.

DM's Notes

Gold Dragons have always been some of the most powerful creatures in D&D and other RPGs. With most of them acting as the ultimate and yet boring good dragons. This probably why they aren't used as often as most parties lean towards the good and face the Chromatics. As DMs, occasionally, our challenge is to make something interesting from something bland, and Gold Dragons is a good exercise.
I hope this article helps give you some ideas on how Gold Dragons can fit in your world.

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Does gambling problem run in your family?

*ESSAY* My story of successfully living as a hetero man with AGP

Disclaimer:
Before we begin, let's establish some boundaries: I'm not able to speak for every person with AGP. I haven't been conducting in-depth studies for years on thousands of patients. All I can tell you is my story, and my observations in my life. I've been commenting on others' posts with little tidbits and excerpts from my life and my stances, but I've now received several private messages asking for more info - one person in particular asked for me to write out my "full story" more or less...so perhaps this is more effective, to have it all in one place.
There are many examples of "successful" trans stories, and tragic tales of de-transitioning, yet we don't see or hear much about AGP men leading a happy, successful life into middle-to-old age...which I think is mostly self-evident: if you happily manage it, you aren't likely to want to bring up old memories again in some reddit post. However, after so many years of not having anyone to understand me, I am enjoying wading in these waters, and absolutely feel it as my duty to share my story of success.
One more time for emphasis: AGP seems to affect people very similarly in some ways, and very different in others. Someone who was molested is likely to have a harsher trauma than someone who was told they looked like a girl one time - but it's actually not certain. We have SUCH limited data and awareness as a society on this thing, that it's almost all anecdotal other than a handful of doctors/authors. And while I write this to give hope to many, I understand that an 18 year old who already knows they have AGP has a way better chance of breaking habits as opposed to a 48 year old who's been indulging them since puberty. That said, perhaps the 48 year old has more willpower than the 18 year old! Point being, my story will explain what's worked for me. Perhaps it could work for you as well, or perhaps you actually want to feed into the AGP.
This got very long. I've divided it up into 3 parts:

Early life + teen years. This is the longest due to the importance of formative years + the relevance to a lot of young guys reading this. Writing about these parts was like looking into a different world, so guys, please have patience with your developing mind.
College years up until discovering "AGP" as a concept at 27. This is the shortest section, due to its relatively static nature.
27 "the year of destiny"-present. This is also long because I begin with my discovery of AGP, and I've ended it off with my advice on how to achieve similar results with success. I'd recommend scrolling to the end if you're of limited attention span and just want some jot-points...but knowing AGP, I think you'll all read it just fine.

PART 1
Potential origins:
I didn't have a terrifying upbringing or a terrible family, but there were flaws. My father was a hard-ass about "manning up" which I actually think has a place, but he didn't balance that with expressing love as much as he could have. But I believe the major point of origin was when my sister and I (she's 2 years younger) would get in an argument or potentially minor physical clash, she would screech and my dad would come running in and give me a smack. No beatings, but it was evident to young me (I believe this happened from the range of 6-10 years old) that boys were at more physical risk than girls.
It was never explained (if it was, it wasn't done well because I don't remember it) about the biological differences between boys and girls as they get older, which at least would have made more sense. However, it was still a bad scene since my sister figured out the game and would fake-scream just to get me in trouble sometimes. I am sure this could have contributed to the AGP, as my brain may have imprinted from a base, primitive, survival level that being a girl is safer - ironically it's clear now that women are much more physically vulnerable, but once the imprint establishes itself, it's in.
My father was the bad cop, my mom the good cop, he was working a lot - which I'm grateful for - but he wasn't as involved as he could have been in hindsight. They eventually split up when I was 10, about a year before puberty...so yeah, I'm sure all of this has some accumulative effect.
During this pre-pubescent time, I was entirely hetero on the surface, although I can vividly recall a dream or two where I was a girl against my will - telling that I recall them. One was where I ran out the front door and if I didn't go back in, I'd become a girl. Another one I was sitting at a dinner table and I just was a girl - this one was actually more uncomfortably weird, due to me just being a girl in it doing normal things, but knowing I wasn't in real life.
Anyway, those dreams are not to be ignored, but I had the standard crushes on girls and had multiple "girlfriends" even at age 10. Played some sports but wasn't super interested in them at this point, although I liked video games and competition. I've always been emotionally intelligent, but other than that I had no typical feminine interests or desire for their clothing/bodies. Girls, to me, were mostly just boring people who didn't get rough and play sports with us guys.
I don't recall any conscious AGP feelings until puberty, where the imprint barged in through my mind's walls KOOL-AID MAN STYLE.
First signs of AGP
Safe to say, from here on out it's NSFW, but I'll try to keep it as classy as possible while still being informative.
Had it ever since first masturbation. It was to a picture of Angelina Jolie on a video game magazine dressed as Tomb Raider; I was very fixated on the tight shorts and imagined myself as her, and after that I'd often imagine myself as a woman in sex with a "shadow" man. I had never watched porn at this point, although I had seen sex scenes in movies which gave me the visual fuel.
I was the typical teen boy in that I was jacking off MULTIPLE TIMES every day, but I was atypical in that it was always AGP. I didn't have regular access to the internet until I was 14 or so, and even then I was never really into porn. All I needed was imagery if I wanted external stimulation; looking at a picture of a naked woman and imagining I had her body. My imagination game is very strong.
I remember first hearing about "transsexuals" or "sex changes" through TV shows/movies, and would get strangely curious about it. I remember reading into it at some point, and being immensely turned on the whole time. I went to a school with uniforms and would look at girls all day, and often I'd get jealous when they'd wear tight pants. Much more tamely, I'd often play little weird games in my head like when playing games I'd think to myself "if you hit that target on this shot, you get to become a hot girl".
So...YEAH it was pretty strong. It's also important to mention that I went through many changes during one year, around 11 years old: puberty, parents separating (only saw father every 2nd weekend), went to a different school...so it was a lot of change at once, and it's hard to say how much each contributed to what.
Social struggles, search for teen identity
All I know is I was significantly less socially successful from 4th grade to 5th, by a longshot. I was still playing sports and doing well at all that, but I just never really had that drive or knowhow to interact with girls. I was a good looking athlete so I was a little confused at all this; although I was also very late to the internet game as I mentioned - a lot of social bonding was happening over "MSN messenger, the equivalent to "AOL messenger" or the current facebook messenger. I was missing out on a lot of interaction there, so once again, hard to pinpoint how much was the AGP's fault, but I doubt it helped.
From 11-16 I didn't really know how to socialize effectively, although I was starting to get girlfriends slowly but surely in high school (14-16). And then my father passed away from cancer! Certainly not ideal.
Around 16 I found a group of stoner males that taught me a bit of the "party scene", although they had a parallel group of females that I actually started hanging out with more. This was probably the most effeminate path I'd taken in life to this point, but the guys were very aggressive and harsh, and I was so much more emotionally sensitive. I will never forget one night these girls tried convincing me "come on, just admit it, you ARE a girl! it's fine, you're just one of us..." uhh COME ON GOD WHAT THE HECK. That scene is instilled in my head to this day as an AGP-dysphoric memory.
All this time, I was indulging in AGP masturbation fantasies, but I also had strong hetero competition - I had romantic girlfriends, and even in that female group of friends I actually would have liked to have hooked up with some of them. I really just lacked the ability to be forthright and bold and masculine in my advances; all of the girlfriends I had, had advanced on me first. I will admit I have very good looks...without them, I would have likely been incel...UNTIL:
ALCOHOL HELPED WITH HETEROSEXUAL ENCOUNTERS
Around 17-18 years old I merged back in with the male group, and started drinking at gatherings/parties more often. Turns out this was GREAT for making me analyze less, being more forthright and brash, etc. Sure, I also behaved as a buffoon, but I guess in hindsight it did get me feeling stronger about my masculine side. Really not good advice, as I did engage in the typical "college weekend alcoholic" for years, something I didn't fully escape until about 27.
BACK TO PRODUCTIVE INSIGHT/ADVICE: cross-dressing phase
So yes, I clearly had textbook AGP, but it didn't terribly impact my life for a while - I imagine being purely hetero during puberty would have me jacking off just as often, and being just as distracted. Testosterone is a heckuva drug. But there was some escalation eventually. I believe the first time I cross-dressed in private was around 14-15...this gave me TREMENDOUS AGP excitement, but I felt a ton of shame and the level of arousal was a little scary. If I had to guess, I'd say I did it only once or twice every year, until somewhere in my later teens, perhaps 16-18. It's hard to pinpoint, but I do know that at some point I started CDing (always to intense ejaculation) more and more, and one week in particular I was doing it every day. I began shakily/anxiously trying to put on makeup, and even *NSFW* putting a lubed-up pen up my butt a little bit. Writing that out feels weird, but hey, them's the facts.
Thankfully, one day that week, someone came home - I believe it was my sister. I was fully dressed up + makeup, and my heart was pounding. Luckily I was in the bathroom, so I SOMEHOW MANAGED to have a shower and return all the clothing without anyone ever noticing. But I'm pretty sure that was the last time I ever CD'd...and I haven't looked back in that time. It was very clearly the most addictive thing I've ever felt in my entire life, and in the span of one week it was already escalating tremendously.
First big dysphoria
Let's talk about my thoughts during these times. As this CD phase escalated, dysphoria became extremely present. I remember getting hard to thoughts of myself as a woman, looking at my cock, and thinking "well, I see you're happy, but you're going to be cut up into a vagina someday if we keep doing this. Hope you're happy, bro".
I am somewhat of a manlet, with light features, and small hands/feet/bone structure, which only confused me further. I thought often and thoroughly about how it seemed I was basically meant to be a woman, and how there was no escaping. This level of obsessive thought-loop has appeared several times in my life, but thankfully not consistently or for too long. Every time I was in the deepest depths of this dysphoric mindset, I always felt my worst. The more I tried embracing my "inner woman", the more incredibly anxious, depressed, shaky, weak I'd feel...it became clear to me that I do not want to feel those things, and I had a lot to be grateful for in my male life. If this happened the more I accepted being a woman, then why would I surrender and feel that way all the time?!
As I strayed away from the CDing, the dysphoria dissipated considerably.
ONE MORE TIME
I have basically never felt intense anxiety or depression as an adult male. I always feel intense anxiety or depression when I have fed the AGP to the point it grows to dysphoria.
This should be a major emphasis for anyone out there who's still reading and resonates with my story. We are always told to listen to our body in terms of health, so why should this be any different? Yes, sure, if you get depressed NOT giving into your AGP, then sure, try indulging. But for me, one week of crossdressing seriously impacted my stimulus-sensitive mind, and could have altered my life completely had I not stopped then and there.
By the way, I didn't pop a pill, it wasn't easy...but I did it. I'm not a superhero. If you recognize that a drug addiction is bad for you, it's not going to be easy to quit...but you can do it.
PART 2
Alpha Chad Frat Boy + First "Coming Out"
Welcome to part 2, and I hope you enjoy the ironic title of the next stage. I'm going to try to be as concise as I can, as part 1 was very long - but the formative years are incredibly important, especially considering many young men will be reading this and still living in those years. This next period basically covers my late teens/mid 20s.
It's important to remember I still didn't even know what AGP was at this point. Huge disadvantage. I had figured I was maybe "half trans" or something, but couldn't figure it out. After the CDing phase, I continued my partying and social growth. On the positive side, I had some AMAZINGLY FUN times - despite my emotional senses, I am still extremely extroverted. And by this stage, likely with the help of alcohol, I had managed to build up some protective walls so the harsh words of brotherhood didn't affect me so much. I made MANY friends, and had sex with MANY women in my early-mid 20s.
The negative side: this immense social success made it very easy to ignore AGP tendencies. I still had very strong AGP masturbation fantasies, and was actually imagining I was many of the women I slept with. But because I was satisfying a huge social issue for me, this wasn't a big deal...
...until I actually fell for a girl, instead of just wanting a one-night stand. All my obsessive thinking was transferred to her - and I never got with her, even though we spent almost every day together for 2 years. We took the same classes, but she completely friend-zoned me. I would still hook up with other women, but she was always the target.
She also didn't help the AGP by saying things like "I wish you were girl so we could talk about fashion/boys/etc." or "what if we come back for a class reunion in 10 years and you're a woman!" Idk if this broad could see the underlying femininity or what, but that was certainly not great.
Eventually, after trying to overtly and forthrightly convince her to date me for two years, I drunkenly tried to fight my friend at a party who was making a move on her. She hated me for this, and said she never wanted to speak to me again.
"OH HI MARK, HOW'S YOUR SEX LIFE?" - my AGP morphing to dysphoria at that moment in time. Yeah, turns out if you completely shut out all remotely feminine traits in public, while privately engaging in AGP fantasies, and then putting all your emotional eggs in one human being...you're putting a lot of hope in that one basket not falling. Well, it fell. And I genuinely loved her as a friend at the least, so I actually told her I wanted to meet up and tell her something important.
I told her I had "trans thoughts" and went into some detail. I wanted her to just tell me it was obvious and that I should go for it, if we're being honest. I was wide open for exploitation after having all those "eggs in a basket" explode in one night...THANK GOD I didn't know about trans reddit, they would have had a field day.
I got lucky. This girl was shocked, and told me I shouldn't do anything drastic, that she wasn't someone who knew what to do here. It's important to note she had previously expressed some curiosity toward trans people, and seemed to like the idea of them. But her very rational response here was a major blessing at that vulnerable moment in my life.
Saying a lot of these then-decade old thoughts (was probably 21-22) out loud was therapeutic enough at the time, so the dysphoria basically vanished. This is why I do not recommend "blind repression", as it can leave you vulnerable when sometimes even just talking about or acknowledging the AGP on a non-sexual level an relieve very heavy dysphoria.
But I still didn't even know what AGP was...so let's fast-forward.
First therapeutic activity
At 23, after what was probably another year of blind repression like I'd done in the past, I managed to find an outlet for my emotionally sensitive side: acting classes. I had a very tough instructor who cut right through my tough-guy act and helped break down my walls to access the emotion required for acting out highly emotional scenes.
This probably saved my life.
For me, sexually feeding the AGP directly will lead to the least-desired outcome. However, finding an outlet to vent the AGP-adjacent (feminine, softer, but not sexual) side of me seems to have altered my life a lot. I also began exercising more than ever during this stage of my life.
This was also the poorest I have ever been financially, working temporary factory jobs for minimum wage. But I don't recall any major flare-ups leading to dysphoria, even though I was still engaging in the AGP masturbation fantasies, and doing the "I'm her" thing during sex. This indicates that even during times where flare-ups are more likely, things like exercise and having a "vent" can help.
Career boost
I focused on training for my career and at 24 I got a huge opportunity with a company. This helped boost mental well-being and kept things largely on-track for a few years...
Part 3
AGP discovery
At 27, I had moved to a new city, living at an AirBnb with other people, my career lost some momentum, and I still hadn't had a stable relationship since I was 19...you guessed it, AGP-fueled dysphoria-time.
This was the most critical turning point in my entire life to this point: I stumbled upon the concept of AGP. This was amazing! It described me perfectly, and so I delved through alllll the literature, and allll the online content...but remember, my life was still un-sturdy. I still exercised, but on its own it is not enough. And now I was obsessing over the AGP, diving in head-first...I ended up entering by far the worst dysphoria since the CDing era in my teens, arguably worse.
I say worse because I was very recently 27, and was acutely aware that 27 was getting a little too close to 30. Instead of learning how to control the AGP, I ended up watching some of the sissy hypno for the first time, and masturbating multiple times a day to AGP fantasies. Fortunately, I was old enough at this time to comprehend how powerful it was, and didn't go too far in that.
But it was the most intense year of my life. I could feel a spiritual tug-o-war, it was very apparent that this was now-or-never - in both directions. Knowing my enemy in AGP was great, but it wasn't great that I had a strong condition that the literature made it seem as if one day I was doomed to transition no matter what.
Doomed to Trans?
And doesn't that just play right into the fantasy? "well, you're going to do it as an old weird dude anyway, might as well do it now and not destroy the lives of a woman and children - not to mention enjoy some attractive pretend-woman years" "just give in" "surrender to it all, let it happen"...
What a siren song for someone with AGP...and yet, there was so much at stake. While not as wildly social as my early 20's (I quit drinking to excess that year), I enjoyed my social life as a male. I was attracted to women, even with the AGP sideshow. Let's face it: the most beautiful, mentally sound women are much more likely to be attracted to an in-tact man, and a traditionally masculine man at that. They want someone to fill the father role for their children.
There's also the matter of personal well-being. I've never seen an elderly transperson, frankly, until Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner. And they have the best medical teams money can buy. The facts are that medical transition is extremely dangerous...most people can develop serious health problems just from living normally, never mind the introduction of cross-gender hormones. One is hooked on a lifetime prescription of pills. As for the physical surgery elements: a neovagina has many, often disgusting, unfortunate outcomes that are far from uncommon.
We will never be women.
Knowing I had AGP really helped with that, especially as I do have some feminine-ish physical traits. It's a lot harder to justify living as a man if you're definitively instructed by society that you're actually a woman in the wrong body...and that's all I could find for the first 16 years of my pubescent life.
So I more or less listed the pros and cons of each.
List your pros/cons of each outcome
Pros of living male: great mental and physical health, attractive, great friends, get to create my own family, get to be with a great woman, career is overall still good, my future goals all align with this, day-to-day life is easy in term's of society's expectations of appearance, don't have to worry about walking alone at night etc.
Cons: never knowing for sure what the other side feels like, must exercise discipline instead of instant gratification, society expects a higher income if you plan on mating effectively, people feel less sorry for you, more responsibility
Pros of deciding to be a pseudo-woman: perhaps orgasms would be 12/10, not just 10/10, would at least be fun at first to play with female/body, basically get to hit re-start button on life and learn a new-playthrough, less responsibility, have sense of finality as opposed to constant wondering in dysphoric state
cons: may be unattractive, even if somewhat attractive will always know that you aren't actually a woman, less men will be interested in settling down, infertile, likely to die sooner, less physical strength, more vulnerable, mental health likely less stable due to nature of estrogen, operations could be botched leaving one a mutilated mess, will drastically alter all friend/family/work relationships, have to learn how to live from the ground-up in a brand new world, novelty could wear off and realize grass was not greener
...I'm not sure if it's the same for you, but it sure looks like the cons for succumbing to the AGP desires are more numerous and have much more dire consequences. It looks like a fun sexual gamble you'd maybe take with a video game character...but to take a chance risking a good life? It was obviously the worst outcome.
Do I have control?
Okay, so the AGP feelings are permanent, but I wanted to overcome them. I logically recognized that the male life is much more desirable...but once again, am I doomed? Heading towards 30, I wanted to find that special lady and have some kids, and I would loathe myself to give in to a selfish, illogical sexual kink that ruins the mental state of an entire family. Was I doomed? Not if I could help it.
If I kept blindly hoping for the best, pretending there was no dragon nearby, one day that dragon would emerge from its cave and kill me. If I was going to "die" at the hands of this thing, I was going to do it in the dragon's lair. Die bravely, or live triumphantly.
I needed to hammer this out, so I reached out to Blanchard himself, and he mercifully replied. Living in Canada, I was able to see his friend Ken Zucker, who understands AGP - I WOULD ONLY RECOMMEND GOING TO SOMEONE WHO TAKES AGP SERIOUSLY. The majority of today's gender therapists are likely to look for any reason to castrate you, more or less.
Heading into the therapy, I realized that this was an intense step and the dysphoria flared up substantially for the final time. I will admit, the AGP wanted him to tell me I was doomed and had to do it. It wasn't the logic talking, but the AGP knew it was closer to its goal than ever before...
Thankfully, talking about ALL of this with a true professional helped immensely. He said there is likely some AGP (no way!), but nothing I can't handle. I can't stress enough how fighting this head-on was such a victory for me living a normal life.
Now, this exact therapy-outcome may not be realistic for many. Money and/or an AGP-aware gender doc may not be in play. Use this subreddit, ask people like me or others whose story sounds relatable to yours. You can achieve this first step of clarity in many ways on your own.
Take control.

Figure out your exact condition, your feelings, what's led to it all, where you see your future...FIGURE IT OUT. Way easier said than done, but so crucial.
Decide your path, understanding that at no point will you be "forced" to do anything. Everything in my story after the AGP was imprinted was a choice of mine. The only difference was that each choice was made with different levels of wisdom behind it.
Protect yourself. Let's talk about that.

Protect yourself
Understand that while deciding to carry on as male is almost always the smart choice, and long-term the "easier" life...you are likely to have at least mild-to-medium AGP flare-ups for life. The people who go for the pseudo-woman life are sacrificing a lot long-term, but their big advantage is that they at least don't have to worry about AGP taking over any more - they've surrendered to it, at whatever cost that may be.
But if your life would be much better as a male, then I liken this logic to losing a war. Sure, the relief of the war being over would be something - you don't have to fight for your life anymore - but the repercussions may be profound, as seen by the effects on defeated nations/civilizations over the years.
It's been 2 years since my last dysphoria/major AGP flare-up, which is pretty cool, but obviously not a victory lap yet. However, there are massive differences in my lifestyle between now and my pre-AGP-aware repressions:

I no longer look at porn at all, or use AGP fantasies for masturbation or during sex. The urge isn't even there.
After implementing this mental wiring ^ I was able to increase my outward female-targeting. This landed me a great gal that I've since married, and I dominate her submissiveness automatically. Writing this essay has basically been like looking into a different world, in hindsight.
I've come to Christ fully and completely. To be honest, if you look at how my puberty began and where my life is now, it's not hard to see "miracles" can take place, and I do attribute God to many of my life's saving turning points...however I didn't mention His influence until now, as I want to reach as many people as possible, and I know reddit isn't the most Christian-friendly website. But I assure you that the advantages to having Faith are very helpful. One caveat: if someone does not effectively take control and understand their issues before jumping headfirst into religion, it is more likely to result in relapse. Hence the molester priests who kept their problems buried their entire lives.
I've returned to the weight-lifting of my early-20's, with a better diet than I ever had back then (and less of a weekend alcohol addiction). These seem basic, but mental health is so drastically improved from these factors alone, that it's worth mentioning.
Obsessive thought-loops: these are what spiral the AGP out of control, but they can also keep you going to the gym every day. Feeding the AGP via little thoughts will generally lead to medium thoughts, and so-on, unless it is identified and squashed early on. When I get mild flare ups I just laugh, and go over to kiss my wife, realizing she's a better woman than I could ever pretend to be. We are likely all somewhat obsessive, so be vigilant with your thought cycles.

Pillars of stability
I figured that I'd identify some pillars of stability that will naturally reduce anxiety and accompanying AGP flare-ups:

Career. Find a way to be happy while making money
Romance. The longer you use AGP fantasy in masturbation/sex, the harder this aspect will be to fulfill. If you pop an AGP boner, try switching over to a hetero fantasy before you finish. Maybe a girl you have a crush on. Tbh I've finished to visualizations of my ideal life, which is weird but seems to work
Physical. Work out, if not for physical appearance, then for mental well-being. Maintain a strong diet, get your vitamins.
Social. We are social creatures, get out there and have some fun. Loneliness is a major source of AGP flare-up.
Spiritual. I personally testify that God has had a major hand in my preservation, and not just from AGP/dysphoria. Maybe this seems silly, but keep an open mind.

You may notice that all of these are under attack from the lockdowns...I personally don't think this is an accident. It doesn't take a genius to see how terribly mental health in general has been affected by it all. Stay vigilant. Do not allow corrupt politicians (who don't abide their own rules) to mentally castrate you.
Final thoughts/Where I'm at now
I've been writing this for almost 4 hours now...jeez. My brain is spent, and I haven't eaten as I want this done. But let me try to offer a little bit more of my story/advice briefly. I may edit this little section if I think of something later:

AGP doesn't have to be a curse. I actually believe that if it's compartmentalized effectively, you have an advantage over other guys when it comes to reading a woman, and knowing what she wants - especially sexually.
self-awareness, discipline, willpower...these things reign supreme. You control a lot more than you think you do.
I've been completely content since those fateful therapy sessions and subsequent life decisions, no hidden rage or envy. I am almost never affected by anxiety or depression
these 2 years have been the best of my life, even though I had temporarily repressed blindly in the past. Considering I had still been engaging the AGP fantasies back then, it's no wonder something ate at me underneath it all, even in successful repression.

Alright, that's it for me. Hope this helps someone, even slightly. There are likely spelling errors, repetition, and/or missing links/holes in the story throughout...I am not proofreading this right now, but feel free to point anything out or question anything I've written, of course. I'll edit where necessary.
Open to all questions and am always available to talk about this very lonely condition, in public or private if you prefer.
Stay strong...you are not alone.

Best and worst games I played in 2020

Here are my recommendations of games that I played for the first time in 2020. S-tier games that have become my all-time favourites made this list. 2020 was the year where I finally realised which games I actively want to play and it’s made my gaming experiences so much more entertaining.
Here are also some games to completely avoid with exaggerated opinions. These are some of the worst games I’ve ever played, ranging anywhere from confusingly irredeemable to malignant, insulting games that are only holding back video games as an entertainment and art form, and hate you for playing them.
I’ve listed some better games at the end of each review as much better alternatives with similar gameplay or style. Please vehemently disagree with me in the comments
Best: Resident Evil 2 Resident Evil 2 has everything I want from an action game. The core gameplay of running around a police department, escaping fights with monsters and zombies while working out puzzles is Resident Evil’s thing, and Resident Evil 2 adds solid gunplay, meaningful weapon upgrades and rewarding items for putting in extra effort. I only missed one which required some backtracking near the end of the game, and realised that about 5 minutes after a point of no return. The Tyrant chasing you around adds a lot of flavour to the game, forcing you to adapt strategies and plans. Resident Evil 2 also has my personal distinction of being the only game I’ve ever finished twice back to back, finishing Leon and then Claire’s story in a week.
Resident Evil 7: Biohazard Take everything I said about Resident Evil 2, plus frightening horror that actually got to me at points, a better story, and a first person perspective that works incredibly well, and that’s what I have to say about Resident Evil 7. Absolutely the best in the series as it amplifies what makes the Resident Evil games so great while adding equally interesting new ideas. The Baker family’s grotesque transformations and gory boss fights are highlights, chainsawing an old man’s face and shotgunning a crazy old woman is the most fun I’ve had this year.
Bloodborne It’s between Bloodborne or Bioshock as my favourite game of all time. I fear that I could spend hours typing what fascinated me about this game, so I’ll save my collected thoughts for another post. Bloodborne’s world is captivating from beginning to end. It unravels as you gather insight on the desecrated city of Yharnam, learning about the Healing Church forsaking the city with its endless hunts. My character, a woman who has left her land after her family were slaughtered by the same beasthood that ravaged Yharnam, fit perfectly with the story, and even thematically mirrored a DLC character’s past. By the way, The Old Hunters DLC is the best DLC ever, no doubt. If you’re going to buy Bloodborne go with Game of the Year edition, it’s spectacular. Of course you don’t need the DLC to fully enjoy the game, but it adds an impressive amount of gameplay hours, new story that adds to the main story, the excellent Research Hall level, the most dramatic boss fight and a pizza cutter weapon. Bloodborne’s gameplay is equally as fascinating as the story, with a fast-paced almost fighting game style combat system, a nearly completely connected immersive world, expert level design, some of the best bosses in any video game, and terrifying difficulty. For many players, these may seem too much or ‘not for me’, (always disappointing to see people give up on the Souls games, but understandable given the lack of beginner friendliness), and I certainly felt the same way at first. When I learnt to persevere and actively focus on the game, quitting out whenever a mild inconvenience in real life happened, it became a joy to play. I had mastered and overcome a godly challenge. I’m pretty terrible at games generally, so I honestly feel proud that I managed to beat this game and the DLC. Bloodborne’s cathartic moments, its incredible story and the pure art of the game which can be captured in a screenshot, or the masterful soundtrack, are all why it’s likely my favourite game ever.
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night Overlooked is an understatement. Made by the director of Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, this game is metroidvania almost perfected. Almost, as there’s some inconsistent game design towards the end with a specific puzzle, but that’s my only real criticism. It’s also a well deserved ‘fuck you’ to Konami, with a pachinko boss fight and David Hayter practically voicing Snake. Gameplay is excellent with intuitive dungeons, bonus areas, RPG-style weapon, skills and armour customisation, and some crushingly difficult bosses. If you want a rest from the main game, you can always return to the beginning town and complete quests - my favourite is making meals for a constantly hungry old woman, as you can later buy and use them for permanent stat boosts. Shamefully, I really liked dressing up Miriam, the main character anime girl. Messing around with her skin colour and unlocking hairstyles is worth the £20 alone. With free upcoming DLC, it’s a perfect patient gamer game.
Spec Ops: The Line Spec Ops: The Line is a perfect game. Many criticise the cover shooting, but it twists the generic mechanics into something amazing. In games such as Gears of War or Uncharted, taking cover is used to stop enemies shooting at you, reload, regen health, have a cup of tea or anything you can do while crouching. Spec Ops, however, puts you against relentless enemies who will suppress your fire when in cover and move to flank you, meaning you are forced to move and take damage, or work out a strategy with your teammates on the fly. It’s not deep strategy, but it really adds a new dimension to the game which sets it apart. The level design is excellent too, with plenty of memorable combat arenas like a decaying stadium, a destroyed luxury hotel, and an abandoned mall, which all go hand in hand with the story, which needs no introduction. Dubai has been wiped out by a sandstorm, and a rogue US army battalion led by your former leader and some civilians remain. Each level adds another piece to the PTSD puzzle, as you mow down hundreds of American soldiers who scream out in fear and panic as the game slow-motions their heads being destroyed by one of your bullets, while death rattles of wounded soldiers permeate the arena. Walker, voiced expertly by Nolan North, slowly changes over the course of the game as his honest, heroic decisions turn out to be, well, not very heroic. One of my favourite details in a video game is how his reload and command voice lines change the further you go into the game, as the weight of his task to rescue civilians and extract his mentor becomes unbearable. Even the main menu changes throughout the game, representing the entropy of the city. I haven’t tried the multiplayer as there’s no one online, but the fact it’s there makes me appreciate this game even more. Spec Ops: The Line is video games as a narrative experience exemplified perfectly.
Rayman Legends Incredible 2D platformer that removes many conventions (lives, starting a level over, time) and is better for it. Each level has depth with collectables that unlock new characters and levels, and side challenges. The highlight is the music stages, which remix songs to fit the world’s theme, and the platforming is based on rhythm. Disappointing to hear of Michel Ancel’s departure from Ubisoft, as that means we’ll likely never get a sequel. I sympathise with you, Beyond Good and Evil fans. Now if only Ubisoft executives could stop trying to mount every female in the workplace and work on another of these games (Seriously though, fuck Ubisoft for the sexual assaults and their PR coverups).
Mario Kart Wii I never owned a Wii as a child. It pained me to see all my friends play Wii Sports Resort and Super Mario, but one game in particular eluded me: Mario Kart Wii. The speed, the soundtrack, the plastic wheel you put over the Wiimote - I remember being captivated by it and wishing I could have a gaming experience like that in my own home. 12 years later, the Wii and Wii U have as much grasp on popular culture relevancy as Game of Thrones, which is the perfect time to buy an old console and a copy of this game. Mario Kart Wii is exactly as I remember. Coconut Mall, DK’s Snowboard Cross, battle mode, plus all the tracks my friends never unlocked make this one of my personal favourites. I debated putting it on this list as I’d find it hard to compare to a game like Bloodborne or Bioshock, but any game that creates the same childhood wonder in me is instantly going in my favourites list. Mario Kart Wii is fun racing with enough depth to get good at, and even more exciting playing it with friends. Especially when you’ve got a spiny shell.
Worst: Rise of the Tomb Raider Basically ‘ok’ can only last so long before becoming tedious. Rise of the Tomb Raider does nothing notable with its gameplay. Most egregious is the plot that’s basically stolen beat for beat from Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. Mountains, evil super-Russians, and annoying bullet sponge mythical enemies at the end (although they’re better than the bootleg Thanos’ you fight in U2, but basically anything is). Lara Croft is insufferable, she has no personality and grunts and shoots her way through every situation. Definitely the best of the worst list as I finished only this and Detroit but I really shouldn’t have wasted my time. Instead play Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
Saints Row Mid-2000s 50 Cent and Soulja Boy era hip hop aesthetics were always cringe. Saints Row goes for that materialistic objectify all women attitude without much irony and actually takes itself seriously. The beginning is every angry teenage white boy’s dream of various women trying to sleep with you, surviving a gang attack and then being recruited to this gang because they noticed you’re such a chad. I’m surprised he didn’t also win a rap battle against Eminem. It’s trying to be Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas with its satire and comedy, but it ends up being cringy rather than funny when you’re listening to the stereotypical camp gay guy shouting down the radio without any smart jokes or wordplay. The game also runs terribly, even on my original Xbox One. I’m really hoping the other games in this series are as good as everyone says, and this is only a false start. Instead play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare I imagine the pitch for this game was ‘Consumers didn’t like consuming the new Halo’s that they’ve consumed. Anyway, fellow executive, how will we make consumers consume another Call of Duty?’ ‘Let’s make the consumers consume Call of Duty while ripping off Halo down to the weapon and ship designs and promise a sci-fi experience with 2016 relevant celebrities and the usual passionless gameplay, and completely break the multiplayer with pay-to-win weapons. That way we can consume all of the disappointed Halo consumers’ money plus the yearly sycophants’ who’ll buy our games every year anyway. Wanna test our brand loyalty by releasing the worst trailer ever?’ Instead play Halo 4
Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 malignant and represents the worst of ‘live service’ microtransaction lootbox fuelled games. Literally a pay to win £50 (70 USD) game with overpowered weapons only in lootboxes that Activision promised not to include, no campaign and another cringy comedy zombies mode. Fuck this game and fuck Activision. I hope the executives’ spoilt and probably racist children are happy with the money they’ve got from gambling addicts. Instead play Doom Eternal
Detroit: Become Human malignant and represents the worst of emotional story-driven artistic pretentious wank games. Horrible storytelling about racism and abuse, no interesting or likeable characters, nonsensical plot twists and unbelievably miserable forced drama. Obvious and rudimentary observations about complex and incredibly serious social issues are constant. It feels exploitative and contrived to see humans try to rape and murder the harmless androids when in the game’s own context it makes no sense. I’m really sick of seeing this stuff in games and films, the obvious contrivances like stabbing a pregnant woman in the Last of Us by accident, ‘Now you must hate her, audience!’ Terrible writing. If you don’t make the choices the game wants you to make you’re railroaded until you play the game ‘properly’, so your choices mean nothing. I chose not to rescue a character who explicitly hated me because I was an android, which locked me out of a good (relative) ending, because your choices affect a good ending/bad ending binary system. Not playing the game the way David Cage wants you to? Bad ending, though the ‘good’ endings are equally poorly written. While I did actually finish the game, it is absolutely NOT representative of how much I enjoyed it compared to the others on this list. I only stuck around to the ending because my friends constantly recommended it, and because of the praise from reviewers desperate to give any high profile game a positive review if it increases their chances of working for a game company. See this year’s Game Awards as perfect example. David Cage has no ideas that aren’t already from much better movies, the talentless misogynist. I’m pretty sure he ripped the narrative straight out of Humans, a 2015-2018 UK TV show from the few scenes I’ve seen from it. At least Kojima makes good games when he steals from movies, and dubiously sexualises women. Instead play Batman and Batman: The Enemy Within (and watch Seven, Memento, Blade Runner and Blade Runner 2049)
Aliens: Colonial Marines it’s awful, but I’ll still take this over Black Ops 4 or The Division. Every level has basic and boring corridors with broken AI targets to shoot. I gave up after a broken stealth section. Pretty funny to watch, though. Instead play Doom
Knack memes aside, Knack sucks. Broken combat where every enemy is so vastly more powerful than you, no real combos in a beat ‘em up, strange Lego knockoff character designs. I can’t wait to play Knack 2 after I’ve finished literally every other game in existence Instead play Lego Marvel Super Heroes and Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga
Dragon Ball Final Bout No idea why I played this, I don’t even like Dragon Ball. Anyway, it’s unplayable due to the abysmal controls Instead play Tekken 3
Wii Music Nintendo are pretty cool, but not free from making terrible games. Wii Music has no real gameplay. As soon as you put in the disc, you’ve won the game. Waving the Wiimote around without any rhythm or skill gets you through every song in the limited track list, which lacks any Killing in the Names or Through the Fire and the Flames(s). No fun at all, and especially disappointing from Nintendo. Instead play Tetris Effect: Connected
Tunnel B1 obscure mid-90s game. The colour brown. Best left forgotten. Instead play Star Wars Battlefront II
Tom Clancy’s The Division The Division proves that the gaming industry is often going backwards. It has less gameplay than Gears of War, another third-person cover shooter from 2006, released ten years before the Division. Even basic enemies are bullet sponges, meaning every encounter is hiding behind a chest high wall and waiting to unload 30 more rounds into them. The story is completely tone deaf and idiotic with a huge disconnect from the gameplay. If you’re a highly skilled operative why is one random thug so much more powerful than you? One of the most infuriating, lazy ways of designing combat, the anti-power trip. Life-wasting Ubisoft hollowness. At least I didn’t waste a weekend, as you can see all the game has to offer in about 4 hours. Instead play Spec Ops: The Line

[Let's Build] 1d100 Roommate shenanigans that happen while a ship is traveling FTL

Hey gang! I'm starting a far future sci fi campaign pretty soon and I'd like to add some flavor and RP to FTL travel instead of "seven days pass, you arrive in the system" when there's nothing prepared for the transit. I'm pulling inspiration from the living arrangements of Star Trek, where the personal lives of the characters had a presence in the show during less dangerous times.
Assume FTL transit time is between one and fourteen days, so a handful of people sharing a flat together for that long without going outside (not relatable at all). They all have their own rooms and private bathrooms.
Update 1: This is great stuff guys! Keep it up! Loving it. Update 2: Almost there! Thank you everyone for your submissions so far!

One of the crew is cooking cuisine from their home planet. Another crewmate is allergic to some of the ingredients.
One of the crew is allergic to the pet someone else just picked up from the last planet.
Someone didn't do their chore assigned from the ship chore wheel.
Someone is doing one of their hobbies in the crew rec area. I didn't know you played trombone!
A way to celebrate a holiday for one crewmate is totally different for anothethe rest of the crew. You mean you guys don't eat breakfast for dinner on Christmas???
Someone keeps using up all of the group's allotted holodeck time.
A crew member wants to test a new ai system for the first time...It's got some bugs.
Someone didn't know how to make popcorn. Everything now smells like burnt popcorn.
Someone clogged their toilet and now needs to share with another crewmate.
Character A considers themselves pretty good at a certain board/card game. Character B is fascinated by their skills and asks to be taught. Turns out, B is getter at the game than A.
"You've never had [food] before?!"
One of the aliens doesn't know about hair dye and freaks out when the local human starts losing their color.
Surprise room inspection! Why is one being held? What do the inspectors find?
One of the aliens gets really jazzed about a human religious holiday and it makes people simultaneously flattered and uncomfortable.
"What do you mean [rare chemical] is toxic to [target species]?! My roommate is a [said species]! I've been using it all day!"
The group is trading traditional and cultural horror stories. Some of the members have particularly strong feelings about a couple of the stories.
A small group of crew have decided to throw a dance party in the middle of the recreational room. This is an issue to those who dislike the occasion, and baffles those who don't understand dancing.
A relationship between two crew mates is becoming a bit of an issue.
One of the crew has bought way too hard into an MLM and is peddling their wares to everyone who will listen (and everyone who won't).
Everytime a crewmate is disturbed in their room they're too relaxed. We're talking robe, slippers, essential oils - this crewmate is a chronic, indulgent lounger. THis can be awkward when they need to leave theirr cabin in a hurry, like for emergencies.
Why does this crewmate have restricted military equipment and where did they get it?
The ship is regularly receiving encrypted messages but it's not clear who is reciving them or what they're about. All anyone knows is that the messages are digitally signed by a competitor.
Their pet doesn't really like them and regularly slepes in anyone's quarters it can get into other than its owner's. It is relentless in the early morning when it needs to be let out to pee.
There's a damn space possum somewhere on the ship. It's mostly harmless but rarely detectable except when it chews around an important wire and a system goes down. Sometimes it can be heard scrambling around behind the walls.
All of the furniture in one of the cabins is smashed beyond usability, including the bed. It's not clear if a former or current crewmate is responsible, or if it was damaged in a fit of rage, investigation or raucous party.
The ship likes to play music late at night when it thinks everyone is asleep. The ship's idea of a banging tune sounds more or less like alien ghost whales quietly weeping. Anyone who happens to be up late may begin to believe the ship is haunted.
One of the maintenance droids watches people sleep. This cannot be explained by its programming, or its rudimentary language. What is it thinking?
One of the crew is taking drugs to stay awake for days at a time. It's affecting their job performance but wow do they get a lot of cleaning done!
The, "it's just a prank bro," bro has been setting up borderline dangerous surprises for the other crew and trying to catch their reactions on camera. NOt only is it obnoxious, the vids keep going viral and strangers are starting to recognize the victims.
One of the crewman's culture has a no nudity taboo and they keep forgetting that not everyone feels the same way.
one of the crewman is a compulsive gambler and is constantly betting on everything (or trying to).
One of the crewman notices another crewman has disappeared but no one remembers them and there is no log of them on the ship.
Everyone on the ship has the same dream every night.
For a few days all of the crewman are overtaken with overwhelming feelings of sadness and loss that pass after about 5 minutes.
Jeffery bet he could fit in the vents. He did fit. At least until he got halfway through and is now stuck.
The ship's computer specialist hacks into the ship's computer and programs it to rap all of its responses.
The youngest crew member accidentally locks themselves in the ship's secure vault while trying to avoid chores.
A crewmember is caught with their feet up on the ship's helm, painting their toenails.
Video game tournament!
A crew member regularly plays annoying music in their quarters loud enough that it bothers everyone else.
An extreme version of hide and seek played by two teenagers/preteens slowly gets out of hand. Or maybe it gets the crew divided into team red and blue. Or an alien finds the hand interesting and partakes.
At night you hear two passengers in the neighboring room arguing. Eventually you hear commotion and a thud. One of the roomates is seen an hour later throwing something heavy over board.
Two crew members have obvious crushes on each other and everyone else is trying to get them together. It gets a bit out of hand.
Hoping to increase interest and participation in safety and defense drills, the security chief introduces a new element: NERF guns.
After concerned questions about the amount of time they've been spending in the holodeck, a crewmate finally reveals their magnum opus: a fully realized holodeck emulation of 5th edition Dungeons & Dragons.
Two crewmates who hail from planets with rich improvisational poetic traditions decide to square off and find out who is best. EPIC RAP BATTLE!
In accordance with the traditions of their people, a crewmate is writing their will. This process chiefly takes the form of an auction, where their friends and family bid for the right of first refusal on their personal items and property; on death, the winner pays the bid amount to the family and claims the item, or refuses to pay and the item is sold at an estate sale.
During a deep dive into the ship's archives, a crewmate re-discovers a long-dead band, which then becomes a craze on the ship for the next few days. By day 5, even the people who liked it have had their fill.
"There's... something on the wing! Some, HORRIBLE thing!" "Billy, that's just the nacelle, stop messing around."
An alien offhandedly mentions that they deem the material of the ship not only edible but delicious, freaking everyone out.
An infestation of alien vermin is discovered.
Characters stage an intervention for someone due to a problematic behavior.
The food replicators break and no matter what someone asks for, they produce a perfectly made gin martini and a plastic snack food style package of "Lemon Clams" that automatically steam when opened.
The ship's bio-gel computing packs get infected with an alien virus. Mostly harmless but for 48 hours the ship's AI is essentially drunk and/or experiencing hallucinations.
A group of crew members start a secret fight club team in the holodeck after a member of an away team returns with the idol of a planet's god of war.
There are two chefs on the vessel, they're both convinced one is better than the other (in reality they're both very bad but all the ship's got).
One crewmate gives another an alcoholic beverage from their planet that gets them drunk instantly. However, a night's sleep and water doesn't seem to have any effect at sobering them up.
The grav plating polarity is reversed.
The room-mate's Tellurian Stinging Fleas Farm springs a leak on your bed. Thankfully, the room-mate's Poisonous Chekovian Death Adder LOVES eating them, so they set them free without telling you.
The engineer decides it is necessary to use the communal dining area to clean and decontaminate mildly radioactive life-support parts.
The room-mate's cold progresses to full on "Fast-Zombie" cannibalism.
Fingernail clippings, or similar bodily detritus, wind up scattered all over your bunk.
The roommate uses up every bit of sterile gauze from the emergency first aid kits, in order to pretend that their favorite stuffed animal is a mummy; and doesn't tell anyone they did so.
Someone sets ALL the phasers to stun, as a joke.
Short sheeted your bunk, again, and placed fake Tellaxian feces on the pillow. At least, you HOPE it is fake.
Covered the urinal in the refresher-station with clear cling-film and didn't tell anyone as a prank.
Plays "Yanni" every hour of their shift, non-stop, at full volume.
Someone goes overboard with the label maker, and now there is a painted line down the middle of the corridor and half the crew is forbidden from crossing over to the other half, just to keep the peace.
Fills the supplemental emergency oxygen tank of their buddy's space suit with a bit of Nitrous Oxide and Fart Smell.
One of the crew members makes a meal for everyone else. It becomes painfully obvious shortly into the meal that this crew member can't cook. Several of the team end up with stomach aches.
Somebody brings an unauthorized pet back with them from the last away mission. Once onboard, the pet starts reproducing out of control and quickly overtakes most of the ship.
An experiment in the science lab suddenly teleports everyone in the ship exactly 1 centimeter in a random direction. Ensign Roberts now needs prosthetic feet due to this occurrence, and we won't talk about what happened to Ensign Murphy.
The protein replicators won't stop replicating protein goop that smells like a mixture of sewer gasses and rancid gym socks, despite what settings are used. One crewmember seems to like the taste, and it isn't the one you're thinking of...
One of the crew goes insane, and starts believing that they have mental powers.
One member of the crew REALLY DOES HAVE mental powers, the fact that they can make you explode just by thinking about it, gets around the ship quickly.
One crewmember has been writing a series of holo-sitcoms and secretly using the other crew as templates for characters.
A crew-member starts insisting that this ship and everyone on it, are simply the results of them being trapped on the holodeck.
Literally NOTHING happens. Like one second you are all bored out of your minds, and then BAM you can't remember the last six cycles and more than one of the crew reports waking up in tubs of ice, missing some organs.
The science lab accidentally releases an experimental mixture of alien spores and gaseous mood enhancers; now every fifteen minutes there is a spontaneous musical or dance number happening somewhere on the ship.
Three words: "Quantum Vacuum Spiders." This guy knows what I'm talkin' about, YEAH!!
The Captain decided to add combat-readiness drugs to the water supply to sharpen crew performance. Now the security chief has declared the brig as thier own kingdom and is attacking all challengers.
A security update on the 'droids fails, and suddenly they are all in: "Kill All Humans" mode.
Someone forgets to pay the subscription service for the ship-wide communications network permission license the last time we were docked. Until the ship docks again, we all have to sit through advertisements and take surveys in order to use comms. The advertising song about Tribble-cereal is adorable though!
The Captain has gotten into the habit of ordering the inertial dampeners be taken offline, "in order to get a sense of speed during acceleration". Now we go the same speed, but are crushed into our chairs during the whole trip.
Ever have someone's fart smell so bad you had to vent the whole ship's atmosphere out the airlocks?
Everyone knows it is bad luck to bring bananas on board ship. The last person that did so got thrown out the airlock!
Your roommate won't stop making cruel jokes about "That one alien crew member that totally matches the stereotype for their species."
A crewmember gets drunk and challenges another crewmate with compound eyes to a staring competition. Both wind up in medbay.
It turns out more than half of the crew secretly worship an evil space entity that is slowly warping thier brains with cannibalism, fear, and paranoia. They all keep it secret for fear of being discovered. Then one evil worshiper finds another making a trap in the corridor at the end of shift, and now you're stuck being a contestent in "The Most Dangerous Game" being hunted by the rest of the crew, and possibly the only one not being mind controlled by evil.
There's a new addictive videogame going around that leaves your crewmates as drooling vegetables. You tried it, but didn't see what was so great about it.
Corporate installed pay-toilets on all the refresher units the last time you docked. Now the crew is finding "new" and "inventive" hygiene solutions.
One of the engineering crew discover that corporate has been lowering the oxygen levels in the testing chambers during crew evaluations, "in order to avoid giving raises for performance improvement".
For the duration of FTL, exactly half the crew appears to run backwards in time, with predictable havoc on crew functions and personal relationships. The effect ends as soon as the ship drops out of drift, but neither half of the crew can agree on which half was affected afterwards.
At the last port of call, some orphans snuck aboard. A few crew got caught trying to disguise the kids by having them stand on each other's shoulders inside a resized spacesuit. Spaceman 'Justaguy' will be placed in the brig until the next port of call.
Ensign Ripley receives one demerit for "trying to teach the power loader how to dance" and also one for use of foul language.
The ship is saved after a hull breach is patched with some gravy from the ship's cafeteria. Engineering crewmate Roscoe will be awarded an extra cycle of pay and another food ration for giving up thier "mashed potatoes" during the emergency.
Notice to All Crew: Rumors that the Cafeteria is using Industrial Adhesive as Gravy during Salisbury Steak Night are false.
An anonymous crewmate has doodled waterfowl on every console on the ship. (Who's been drawing ducks?)
A Poker (or other gambling game of your choice) game gets too out of hand and now you got gambling banned on the ship. Good job - you ruined it.
Doctor Hawk made their own homemade distillery out of medical equipment - Major Burnside does not like the mockery of their uniform.

24 years old and lost $10k over the span of a day from trading crypto

The Daily Check-In for Wednesday, September 23rd: Just for today, I am NOT drinking!

Check-in
We may be anonymous strangers on the internet, but we have one thing in common. We may be a world apart, but we're here together!
Welcome to the 24 hour pledge!
I'm pledging myself to not drinking today, and invite you to do the same.
Maybe you're new to stopdrinking and have a hard time deciding what to do next. Maybe you're like me and feel you need a daily commitment or maybe you've been sober for a long time and want to inspire others.
It doesn't matter if you're still hung over from a three day bender or been sober for years, if you just woke up or have already completed a sober day. For the next 24 hours, lets not drink alcohol!
This pledge is a statement of intent. Today we don't set out trying not to drink, we make a conscious decision not to drink. It sounds simple, but all of us know it can be hard and sometimes impossible. The group can support and inspire us, yet only one person can decide if we drink today. Give that person the right mindset!
What happens if we can't keep to our pledge? We give up or try again. And since we're here in stopdrinking, we're not ready to give up.
What this is: A simple thread where we commit to not drinking alcohol for the next 24 hours, posting to show others that they're not alone and making a pledge to ourselves. Anybody can join and participate at any time, you do not have to be a regular at stopdrinking or have followed the pledges from the beginning.
What this isn't: A good place for a detailed introduction of yourself, directly seek advice or share lengthy stories. You'll get a more personal response in your own thread.
This post goes up at:

US - Night/Early Morning
Europe - Morning
Asia and Australia - Evening/Night

A link to the current Daily Check-In post can always be found near the top of the sidebar
___________________________________________________
Self-Gratification and Life Clutter
Living with addiction can be described as a world of excess and self-gratification. And self-gratification is mindlessly fulfilling your own base desire, which is pretty easy to do when surrounded by alcohol.
I chased a lot of external excitement, lust, and distraction. By externals, I’m generally talking about things like alcohol, drugs, gambling, buying stuff, eating junk food, excess phone use, video games, etc. And one thing these externals are great at is creating more pain and anxiety. These distractions are what I will call, life clutter. Some of it is ok in small doses, but all of these can get out of control in a hurry and suck up all of your time.
I used alcohol to combat my pain and stress, which only added to it. So, I found other things to chase. I ate junk food and destroyed my health. I cluttered my home with stuff and my credit cards with debt. I gambled on sports and elevated my stress. I played video games instead of spending time with my wife and son.
This is where creating habitual behavior to combat Resistance has come in handy for me. If I create habits that work for me, it replaces that distraction with a meaningful practice. I realize I'm beginning to sound like I may have a computer chip inside of me. I still have my time set aside to watch football or movies, but only after my practice.
Succumbing to life clutter is the easy way. Creating thoughtful habits is hard work, but it’s work that brings real joy and fulfillment to our lives. And I really try to use these habits to work different areas of my life.
One of my favorite Tony Robbins’ contributions is the Pyramid of Mastery, which covers the 7 major facets of everyone’s life. From the bottom to the top of the pyramid these are the layers:

Physical Body
Emotions / Meaning
Relationships
Time
Work / Mission
Finances
Contribution and Spirituality

This appears as an order, but we work through all facets simultaneously. Think of it as a stool with individual legs we are working to strengthen and balance. If your focus is limited to a couple legs of the stool, it will be wobbly and topple over. All the legs should be as strong as they can be.
Alcohol was a destructive force to each of these legs like termites working their way through the wood framing on a house. I enjoyed all of my clutter too much. And it wasn’t until I quit drinking that I could see the destruction done to each leg of the stool.
Building new habits is what created a practice to strengthen each of these legs.
Physical Body: Drinking was a major trigger point of a poor diet for me. I had high blood pressure, I was overweight, and I was never consistent with exercise. Once I quit drinking, I started eating healthier. I lost weight and was able to get my blood pressure under control. My fitness level improved with gradual change in my routine. It’s not all perfect, but my energy has improved drastically, which helps me in all other facets.
Emotions / Meaning: Negative emotions were a force permeating through my life when I drank. Fear, anxiety, and anger were emotions made worse through alcohol. My anger was ubiquitous and expected. My fear and anxiety were only hidden with alcohol and subsequently increased when hungover. I still experience all of these emotions, but in a way that I can face and manage now. I face my fear with courage. Anger is a work-in-progress, but I’ve come a long way. I give thanks for what I have. This has given me more joy in life than I ever experienced with alcohol. It has helped me to find meaning over chasing some high.
Relationships: Alcohol was an excuse to choose drinking buddies over my wife and son. I spent a lot of time at the bar and really not with people I care about all that much. Before I quit drinking, I always imbibed before seeing anyone outside of the house. Now we are spending quality time together and with our families. Not time filled with booze or thinking about where my next drink will be.
Work / Mission: My work has been one of the primary drivers of why I drank so heavily. It supported my anger. And it led me to drink daily to get my mind off the job. I even tried sports gambling to replace my income. Hint: it wasn’t the answer (as if you were guessing the other way). This pandemic has taught me some valuable things. One of them is being more conscious with how I spend my time. Especially on what is fulfilling to me. I still have to make money, but I can do a lot better than chase money 50 hours a week in a job that negatively impacts my mood.
Finances: I was consumed with buying needless crap during my drinking life. We filled our house with junk that would get donated or thrown away. Because I did well in my job, I thought I could afford to spend money carelessly. And maybe I could, but at what cost? All of the movies that were purchased, the Apple Watch that serves little purpose other than recording workouts, the iPad that doesn’t get used. None of these things bring me joy. As nerdy as this sounds, I have more fun seeing how many days I can go without spending a dime. Books will always hold a special place in my heart. But beyond the essentials, I don’t need many other physical items to enjoy life.
Spirituality: Whether you are religious or not, all of us are spiritual creatures. For some this is a relationship with God or other higher power. For some this is a connection with nature. For others it’s a mediation practice or your philosophical principles. Spirituality is how you find meaning and purpose in your inner life and connection to others. All of us can define what this means to us individually. For me, a relationship with God is like the foundation of my house. When booze was at the center of my life, I never spent time in prayer. Today, it’s an important daily practice and one that I can’t skip. Whatever your spiritual practice may be, the externals of the physical world will never bring us the happiness or joy we desire. And none of what we accumulate in the physical world can be taken with us when we die.
Time: I left time for last because it permeates throughout every facet of our lives. We have to choose how to spend our time in the right way and on the right things. If we don’t choose, we settle for what is easiest. It is far easier to sit around debasing ourselves in lustful thought because we are bored and uncommitted to doing something better for us. I have to consciously decide to spend my time in a more purposeful way.
I get it, all of this sounds unsexy compared to playing video games or buying stuff on Amazon. But this is more about a commitment to the process. These externals are nothing more than dopamine hits and even that happens more in the anticipation of than the actual activity.
The practice and process is about delaying gratification. In the long-run, I know my writing practice will bring far more happiness than buying one of these new video game systems and devoting unnecessary time to playing every day. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t or I shouldn’t buy the system. It’s more about being conscious of how that time spent affects what you could be doing. If it affects my ability to put in my daily writing practice and daily weight training practice and the time it takes to prepare healthy food, then I am sacrificing something far more important for a virtual figure on a screen.
Delayed gratification is a muscle that must be exercised. Otherwise we will find ourselves on the couch eating a bag of Doritos every day. No one else? Ok, don’t mind me.
As long as I am focused on my daily practice, I keep self-gratification at bay. I don’t use my money on junk. And I don't procrastinate away large chunks of my time.
Today, think about the areas of your Pyramid of Mastery and in what way you can strengthen each leg.
Not drinking with you today in San Antonio.

how gambling addiction affects the family video

This can lead to burnout. Family members often focus on the person with gambling problems, and forget to take care of themselves or to have fun. Physical and Emotional Abuse. Family violence is more common when families are in crisis. Gambling problems can lead to physical or emotional abuse of a partner, elder parent or child. Children may be hurt due to pent-up anger. If this is happening in your family, get help right away. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911. Otherwise, please How do you know you have a gambling problem? Is there such a thing as an addiction to debt? Clement hosts experts who help listeners navigate this sensitive topic that severely affects the family as a whole. One of the main ways gambling addiction affects the family is in terms of finances. If a gambling addict is repeatedly spending all disposable income on his or her habit, it will leave little for everyone else within the family. If the addiction progresses and bills cannot be paid, then the situation becomes even worse. Problem gambling in a family can also have an effect on children – the impact of stress within the family unit and potential loss of relationship with a parent can have lasting consequences. Get help; Once a problem gambler seeks help and enters recovery there can be an opportunity to re-establish relationships. Rebuilding trust can be a difficult task but relationships can heal once a problem gambler enters recovery. Breaking an addiction is a very difficult process. Recovery takes time As you might imagine, gambling addiction can be devastating for family members when they discover what has been happening. They may be left in dire financial straits and the feelings of hurt and betrayal can run deep. Discovering that a loved one has left the family in financial ruin can be shocking and some people find this extremely difficult to deal with. The fact that the addict has been lying to them is hard to take and can destroy trust. A gambling addiction occurs when a person continues to gamble despite negative effects that may impact their finances, relationships, or well-being. Gambling addiction involves compulsions to seek out gambling, betting, and wagering, and the end result can be devastating for the gambler as well as his or her family. 1. People who struggle with a gambling or shopping problem often hide their issues out of shame and a desire for secrecy. Today, gambling addiction or compulsive gambling is a mental health issue, and the addiction at its core is equated to abuse of substances such as alcohol and drugs. Gambling affects more men than women, but it is a genderless disorder with a high incidence across the human population. Different countries around the world recognize gambling addiction as a serious mental problem that needs Addictions can ruin lives. Being in debt and having constant fights over gambling can profoundly impact the family members’ mental health. Furthermore, the family support system can deteriorate as family relationships become strained. For example, the spouse of the gambler might start to lose their trust. They may become paranoid whenever cash disappears and pin the blame on the player. Instead of being a source of support, the family can become a breeding ground for negativity. Gambling is like a fatal disease, it kills you slowly, but you're not the only one suffering. You may be addicted, but the whole family suffers with you each day. Gambling addiction has a particular impact on family members because of the debt it causes. Stumbling and staggering I reached at the door in the… Gambling addiction is officially a compulsive or behavioral addiction. Gambling is when someone bets something, usually money, in order to have a chance at winning more money. People bet on a lot of things including cards, horse racing, sports, and dog races. Although the main focus on gambling addiction is the financial ruin, gambling addiction often has severe negative consequences to the families of the addict as well.

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It's Not Just Gamblers Who Need Support (How Gambling ...

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How Does Gambling Addiction Affect the Family? | Addiction

how gambling addiction affects the family

how gambling addiction affects the family - win

Old Austin Tales: Forgotten Video Arcades of The 1970s & 80s