A/N: Hey, guys! Normally, I'd hold off until Saturday morning to post this, but I'm going to be busy the rest of the week and won't be able to do much posting, so here you guys go, a little ahead of schedule! Coming in at 16,673 words, it's not the longest episode ever, but it's still on the longer end!
In this episode, we get more running, a special marching cadence, and a few big reveals. Plus some bitter-sweet and happy squad feels at the end.
There are only two main episodes left in Act III, then we'll be back into the war with Act IV. I've already got a lot of Episode 16 written, though if past experience is any indication, it'll probably still double in word count from where I'm at now by the time I finish fleshing all the scenes out (and I'll always have a few unexpected scenes crop up before I'm done). How soon that'll all be done is still hard to say. Work is still keeping me pretty busy, and every time I think things are going to ease up or settle down and give me more free time, it doesn't.
On another note, I'd like to hear from you guys on what brought you to RH, or how you heard about the story, and what some of your favorite parts of it are so far. I can't promise I'll give you more of everything you love (and I can't please everyone), but knowing what you guys enjoy, and what you think is good helps me know what I'm doing right, and what I can focus on to continue doing good. I really look forward to hearing your feedback!
Here is the Patreon post for anyone who wants it in one solid block. Now, without further ado, what you're all here for:

Retreat, Hell – Episode 15

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“Give me that old Marine Corps Spirit!”

“GIVE ME THAT OLD MARINE CORPS SPIRIT!”

“’Cause it’s good enough for me!”

“’CAUSE IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!”

“It was good for Chesty Puller!”

“IT WAS GOOD FOR CHESTY PULLER!”

These people run too gods damned much! Rinn panted as the battalion thundered around the base on their morning death march. And oh, look, here we are, running past our barracks again, getting our hopes up just to dash them… He stifled a whine. At least today they’re cutting the run short for helicopter training. When this is all over and done with, I don’t ever want to run again…

***

“Hahahaha! And the looks on their faces when we went evasive!” Edison kissed his fingertips and flared his hand as he backed through the bunk room door. “Perfection!”

“Nah, the best part was old Shields here,” Kawalksi threw a heavy arm around Rinn’s shoulders, nearly causing him to stagger into the door frame. “He was all stony faced, like, ‘I’ve done this before, this is nothing exciting,’” Kawalski said, putting on a fake deep voice. “Even as the huey went sideways!”

“I was trying not to throw up…” Rinn admitted, flicking an ear at Kawalski as he trudged back to his rack, sore, tired, and trying to pretend that his legs weren’t all wobbly after the day’s aerial adventures.

“Yeah, what’s the straight-horned one with all the “that’s what she said” jokes, Tyaytyay?”

“Tyehtyeh,” Rinn corrected.

Kimber gave him a “whatever” wave. “Yeah, him. He puked his guts out all over the tarmac three feet after he got out when we landed.”

“Ha! He did better than old Stuffy McStuffyface, threw up in mid-air!” Kawalski chuckled. “Projectile vomited when we went evasive! Though, we were horizontal at the time, so it mostly just went straight out the door!”

“Mostly my ass!” Kimber said. “I was sitting at the down door when he spewed! He puked all over the back of my helmet!”

“Hahaha, yeah, it was great!” Kawalski grinned. “You should probably go clean that off, though…”

“Yeah, no shit.”

Rinn sighed as he popped his boots off, wriggling his toes and savoring their freedom. The human boots fit better than any other pair of boots he had ever been issued, and they had mostly broken in by this point, but they were still combat boots, and didn’t quite match his foot shape. He pulled his shower gear out of his pack, looking forward to a hot soak, only to watch a parade of four Marines scramble past, already half undressed and dibsing the showers first.

He sighed, setting his shower kit at the end of his rack before digging out a pen and notebook. It’s probably best to go last, anyway, now that we get more than five whole minutes of hot water… More time to soak.

“More English lessons?” Bradford asked, leaning over to look at his notebook as he flipped it open.

“Yeh,” he yipped, still amused the Gyani word for ‘yes’ was so close to an informal English word for the same.

“And what’s the word of the day?”

“What is the word for…” he frowned. “It is a place in a home where you build a fire…”

“A fireplace?” she asked.

He flicked an annoyed ear at her. Of course that would be a word they used… “Yes, but… no, that is not the meaning I’m looking for.”

“Mantle?”

He shook his head. “No, that’s not it, either. The place where the fire is, the foundation, the hearth.”

“The hearth?” she asked, and he sighed.

I should have just led with the word. The words were different, but the meanings were identical. Not everything translated so well, but many words did. “Yes, that is the word. Hirth…”

“Hearth,” she said, emphasizing the vowel sound.

“Hyarth.”

“No, no y, stop putting y’s in everything.”

“YI Dyon’t knyow whyat you myean,” he yipped in heavily accented English, flicking an ear at her and sticking out his tongue.

She laughed, then grabbed her pillow and swung it at his head, barely missing as he fell to the side. “Now try it again, you guber.”

“Ha-arth,” he said, drawing the vowel out as he sat up. “Harth.”

“Close enough,” she said, chuckling.

He flicked his ears up with a smile, and jotted down the phonetic spelling in Gyani.

“How did you say your word for it?”

“Sfyisch.”

“Ssfayeesh.”

“No, sfyisch.”

“Sfwitch?”

“No, it’s not a hard tch, it’s a softer sch.” He considered for a moment. “It’s like a hissing tch. And its yi,” he yipped the short vowel sound, “Not uuhhhhwwweeeee. Stop flapping your big, fat lips.”

“Hey, you got lips, too, dumbass!”

“Yeah, but they’re not so fat and poofy, like yours!” He flicked his ears at her. “You look like you got stung by a bee.” He flicked an ear to the side. “Or a dozen.”

This time, the pillow did catch his head, and sent him flopping to his rack. “Oof.”

“Who’s got big lips now, bitch!” she said, puffing her chest out and swaying her head back and forth.

“I don’t know, was that your lips or your pillow you hit me with,” he said, sticking his tongue out at her, promptly earning himself another bonk. “Oof.”

“And just for that, you’re gonna have to wait until I’m done with the shower,” she said, hopping up and snagging her toiletries bag as a gaggle of half-dressed Marines chased each other out of the head.

Rinn chuckled as he tossed her pillow back on her rack and sat back up. That’s just more time for me to soak…

“Hey, have you guys seen my Switch controllers?” Kimber asked, digging through his pack. “I can’t find them anywhere.”

“Where’d you have them last?” Dubois asked, not even looking up from the boot he was cleaning.

“I could have sworn I put them back in this pocket,” he said, tapping a pouch on his pack. “That’s where I keep them, but they’re not anywhere…”

“You can borrow mine,” Edison said, once again performing surgery on the squad’s GoPro. He gestured absently at his pack. “They’re in the clip-on bag, somewhere…”

“Thanks, man, but… I wanna find mine.”

“D’you think someone might’ve, like, grabbed ‘em by mistake, brah?” Stevens said, pulling on a clean shirt.

“Or not by mistake?” Miller asked.

“Yeah,” Elder said, looking up from his phone. “We had that platoon thief a while back, remember?”

“Dude, that’s why you need to carve your name into them,” Davies said, lying on his rack playing his own Switch. He lifted his hands to show his name carved into the same kind of controllers Rinn had seen Kimber using. “That’s what I did with mine.”
“I had my name on them, man, in sharpie.”

“Yeah, but sharpie can come off,” Edison said, still focused on the GoPro. “Alcohol or a dry-erase marker can do the trick.”

Kimber grumbled something, and started expanding his search area.

“Hey, Shields,” Kawalski said, dropping down next to him. He only had his boxers on, and was still a little damp from the shower. “Teach me more keshmin swear words! How do you say fucknugget?”

Rinn raised an ear and an eyebrow at him. “We don’t have that one.”

“Well, come on, then, what else have you got? I’ve got a new one for you! ‘Twat!’” Kawalski grinned. “Means ‘pussy’ in English English.”

Rinn flicked his ear. “Is that how you use your words words, when walking down the street street?”

Kawalski laughed. “No, fuck face, it’s English spoken by the English, as opposed to real English spoken by Americans.”

Rinn paused, pen in mid-air, and stared straight ahead for a moment. “Wot?”

“Kawalski, you dumbass, the English invented the English language,” Dubois said. Rinn didn’t even need to look at him, he could hear the eye-roll.

“Guys! Guys!” Gomez stuck his head out of their supply fort. “I found some boxes we missed! They’re full of fucking duct tape!”

“No shit?” Kawalski said, immediately distracted by the prospect of creative acquisition. “How much?”

“I dunno how we missed it, hoss, there’s boxes and boxes of this stuff! Different colors, too!”

“Sweet! Grab us all a roll! Jabs, too!” Kawalski paused, then stood up. “What all colors are there?”

“Dunno yet, I haven’t gone through all the boxes, but there’s a few at least.”

“Lemme see…” Kawalski disappeared into the fort. “How the hell did we miss all this… Oh, I see, it got buried behind the fuck tent.”

Dubois looked up. “Why do you have a fuck tent?!”

“Dude, you always need a fuck tent!”

“Who the fuck are you fucking!?”

“Your mother! Heheheh!”

***

Rinn pulled the earmuffs off his head as the firing line was declared cold. The new earmuffs they had been given had deeper cups with more room for his ears, but they still didn’t fit well. We’ll have to talk to somebody about getting some properly designed for us, he thought as he trudged down range to collect his targets. The Marines had scrounged up a few more of their pop-up metal targets for the “new” range, but they were mostly still shooting at paper targets tacked to wooden frames.

Back at the tables behind the firing line, Rinn looked over the keshmin targets with a pleased quirk to his ears. Their scores were not anything the Marines would consider good, by any means, but even the grizzled Gunnery Sergeant running the range begrudgingly nodded his approval at them being passable. Barely.

Not bad at all, for what little training we’ve managed to fit in around everything else. Lord Anyo is even showing a particular knack for the weapons, at least on the fixed range. Rinn was pleased to note that his own scores had surpassed Anyo’s on the dynamic range, much to the Knight Captain’s chagrin.

Lunch consisted of MREs at the range, and Rinn once again got to demonstrate his “advanced knowledge” of human equipment to the other keshmin, and warned them away from the less favorable MREs. Not that I’ve actually tried many of them, but our pallets seem to match close enough that I’ll take the Marines at their word.

The lunch break was short, barely enough time to heat the food and gulp it down, before they were hurried off to the next event on the range, this one pushing the artificers to their magical limits.

“Cease fire! Cease fiiire!”

Rinn panted, overheated and out of breath, as he lowered his stave. The targets down range were shredded, both by gunfire and spellfire, but this wasn’t a measure of accuracy.

“Most impressive, Ahyat,” Yeshai said as Rinn stepped back from the firing line. “How many armor enhancements were you able to maintain?”

“All twelve of them, Your Grace,” Rinn said, still trying to catch his breath. “But I couldn’t keep up with the machine guns. I could barely keep up with one, nevermind three!” He shook his head, making sure to close his mouth to keep his tongue from lolling, though his ears still flopped a bit. “The best I could do was one enhancement every fifth or sixth shot with two. One in a dozen with three.”

Yeshai snorted. “No worse than anyone else so far, and you did it while maintaining all armor enhancements, a very fine shield, and respectable spellfire of your own.” He flicked an ear. “Any of us might surpass you in single skills, but on the whole, I’d dare say you’re the best of us, and by no small margin.”

“You honor me, your grace,” Rinn said, giving him a bow.

“Your service honors the kingdom,” Yeshai replied, dipping his head in return.

Straightening, Rinn couldn’t miss Anyo glaring at him, but he pointedly ignored the Earl. Sinyan had gone before Rinn, but Anyo had gone before him, and all but confirmed Rinn’s suspicions that the Knight Captain was a sparker.

“And who’s our next contestant?” Gunnery Sergeant Valdez called as Rinn flopped down next to Bradford, happily guzzling the bottle of water she handed him.

“Tyehtyeh, that’s you!” Yenyed called, glaring at the oblivious artificer.

“Oh, right!” Tyehtyeh said, looking up from the spellstructs he had been studying. He barely even put on his false-deep voice.

“Oh, here we go…” Bradford muttered, rolling her eyes.

“Don’t be spiteful,” Rinn said, flicking her ear with his tail. She swiped at the offending appendage and tried to grab it, but he quickly snatched it out of her reach. “He’s made incredlbe progress these last two weeks. He hasn’t admitted it, but I’m fairly certain he’s had no formal education as an artificer, or even at all.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “So his bluster’s all just a show, deflecting from his … ignorance?”

He dipped his head with an affirmative ear flick. “And the more I give him to study, the less he remembers to put on the act.”

“Huh…” Bradford said, giving Tyehtyeh a newly appraising look.

“Line ready?” Valdez called out. “Shooter’s stand-by! FIIIRE!”

Tyehtyeh immediately popped up a shield and sent a triple burst of tight, powerful firebursts down range, before the Marines could rack their bolts and engage. Brief flashes of light rolled down the line as armor enhancements went up.

He still needs to kill that startup flare, but at least he’s cut out the continual glow, and his efficiency is a hundred fold better. He’s barely leaking any mana!

Tyehtyeh hesitated as the rifles opened up, several rounds zipping down range unseen. He rolled his ears, shifted his feet, and every single shot became a visible bolt, glowing as it snapped down range.

More rifles opened up, then a machine gun, then two, then tree. Rinn’s ears shot up under his earmuffs. Every single round glowed.

Then Tyehtyeh brought his stave to bear and let off a barrage that made Rinn’s spellfire look like a peashooter.

“CEASE FIRE! CEASE FIIRE!” Valdez called as the targets disappeared into several plumes of splinters and smoke.

“Holy shit!” Bradford said. “He hits like an artillery piece!”

Rinn looked at her, then to Tyehtyeh, then to Yeshai and the other keshmin. A small part of his mind was pleased to note that he wasn’t the only one whose jaw was hanging open.

“Did I mess up again?” Tyehtyeh asked, sheepishly scratching at the base of a horn.

Yeshai shook his head, the first to collect himself. “No. No, you didn’t.” He looked at Rinn, forcing the field artificer to collect himself. “Second Artificer, you wouldn’t happen to have a metering artifice in your repertoire, would you?”

He cocked an ear to the side, wondering what the Duke was getting at, before it clicked. “Yes, your grace, I do.…” he stood up, retrieving his stave, and walked over to Tyehtyeh with Yeshai. The Marines and other nobles muttered amongst themselves in their separate groups as Tyehtyeh squirmed under the unexpected attention.

“Second Artificer Tyehtyeh, have you ever been officially metered?” Yeshai asked, stopping in front of him.

“Well, ah, no, Your Grace,” Tyehtyeh said, scratching at the base of a horn. “Militia really only ever cared that I could sling spells, didn’t much care for any of the details.”

“I suspected as much,” Yeshai said, dipping his head in a small nod. He flicked an ear at Rinn, then back to Tyehtyeh. “Second Artificer Ahyat, if you would be so kind.”

Rinn nodded and stepped forward, his stave held low in one hand. He didn’t really need it to run this particular artifice, but he suspected the extra precision and peak range it allowed would be useful.

“What’s this, then?” Valdez asked, stepping up to the line.

“The lad has never been officially metered,” Yeshai said, waving a hand at Tyehtyeh, an exaggerated gesture probably for the human’s benefit. “He has no idea how powerful he actually is. We’re about to find out.”

“Will this hurt?” Tyehtyeh asked, his ears nervously twitching back.

“Of course not,” Rinn said. “You don’t even really need to do anything. Just passively channel a mana stream.” He paused. “Down range, if you please.”

“Right,” Tyehtyeh said, turning to point a hand down range. Rinn brought up the metering artifice, set so the measurements were visible in the air. At first, there was nothing, then Tyehtyeh closed his eyes and everything spiked.

“Above and below…” Yeshai muttered as Rinn scrabbled to shift the ranges the meter was displaying. Tyehtyeh blew past the maximum levels. Twice. “You’re a gods-damned savant!”

“What?!” Tyehtyeh squeaked, spinning around and cutting off the mana stream.

“Not just a savant,” Rinn said, his eyes and ears locked on the measurements his artifice was still displaying. “Your Grace, he’s one of the most powerful savants to ever live.”

“What?!” Tyehtyeh said again, this time with a little less squeak. “That can’t be right…”

Yeshai, turned to Valdez. “Gunnery Sergeant, we are done here for today. We need to do a complete examination and assessment of Second Artificer Tyehtyeh’s abilities, and I need to write to the King.”

****

Scrubbing her face, Bradford trudged around the corner of a building on her way back to the barracks, after dark, and smacked right into someone. “Oh, shit!” she said, stumbling back while fumbling out to catch the other person before they fell.

Bradford kept her balance. The other person he the ground with a yipped, “Oof.”

Looking down, horrified at her clumsy inattentiveness, she found Rinn glaring up at her. “I was hoping to run into you on my way back, but I didn’t mean for you to take it literally!”

She laughed, reaching down to help him up. “Sorry, I’m just a little brain-dead right now.”

“Oh,” he said, standing and dusting himself off. He flicked an ear at her. “I couldn’t tell the difference.”

“Oh, fuck you,” she said, giving him a shove that sent him staggering and nearly back into the dirt.

“Abuse!” he cried, struggling not to laugh. “Help! Help! I’m being abused!”

Bradford just continued walking, flipping him the bird over her shoulder.

“That rough a day?” he asked, jogging briefly to catch up. “Too much going on on your surprise afternoon off?”

“Pff, I wish.” She sighed, waving at the barracks ahead of them in the distance. “Most of the guys got the rest of the day off, thanks to Tyehtyeh, but not me.” She shook her head. “Nooo, I’m a Sergeant now, with ‘field experience,’” she said, with air quotes. “Since I happened to be free for the afternoon, I got pulled into another planning meeting for the field exercise we’re doing at the end of the week.” She shook her head. “Normally, these things are all planned out weeks in advance, but now we’re trying to cram that all into a few days…. Ugh!” she scrubbed her face again, heaving a sigh. “What about you? How was your afternoon?”

Rinn sighed, his shoulders sagging. “Probably not much better.” His ears twitched, and he shook his head, letting them flop around. “More testing with metering artifices more precise and capable than mine will be required to know his exact power, but between myself, the Duke, and the other nobles, we were able to determine that Tyehtyeh is a savant, and one of the most powerful to ever live. There are two, maybe three other savants alive who are more powerful than him, and those not by much.” He scrunched his snout. “And he has the education of a quillhog farmer!”

Bradford laughed. “Sounds like someone’s a little pissed off that their spot as the top artificer has been stolen by an uneducated bumpkin.”

“I’m not pissed off!” Rinn snapped. “Not about that, anyway,” he sighed, tugging at a horn. “It’s just- I’ve taught Tyehtyeh a hundred times more in the last few weeks than anyone else has ever taught him. Almost everything he knows, he learned on his own! He’s not just a savant, he’s not just one of the most powerful savants to ever live. I have to admit, he’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.”

“Oh, really?” Bradford asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Yes!” Rinn rolled his ears. “Now, of course, he doesn’t act like it at all, not in the least, because he has the education of a quillhog farmer! But instead of a bumbling idiot who can barely figure out which end of his pike to point at the enemy, he taught himself how to do magic from scratch, using a bare handful of spells he was shown as an example, and a few concepts he overheard in conversation.”

“Damn,” Bradford said, shaking her head. “Imagine what he could do if someone taught him.”

Rinn vigorously nodded his head, eyes wide and ears up. “That’s exactly what we just saw today! And if he had a proper education.…” He shook his head. “The Duke has written his father and the King, and the nobles of are two minds about what to do with Tyehtyeh. On the one hand, he should be sent to a university, trained and educated. In time, he might become the most powerful savant to ever live!”

“On the other hand, he’s useful now?”

“Yes.” He sighed. “The education he should get would take years, when he is already a powerful battlefield savant, and we are in desperate need of every advantage in the war.”

“So what are they going to do with him?”

“I don’t know. The Duke has a lot of influence to sway that decision, but it will not be made by him. That is for his father, Lord General Yangri, and the King to decide.” He sighed. “Until that decision is made, I will be continuing my tutelage of Tyehtyeh, and the other artificers will provide selections of well-designed spell structures for him to study and master.”

“Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to worry about tomorrow,” she said as he opened the door to their barracks and waved her in. “It’s late enough as it is.”

“Indeed,” he said, following her through the door. His ears twitched as they approached the bunk room. Bradford could here muffled shouts and laughter coming from inside.

Glancing at Rinn, who gave her a smirking flick of an ear, she opened the door. The room fell to immediate silence as it swung open, the bright light of the hallway casting a sharp outline into the dimmed room.

Inside, every other member of Second Squad was wearing assorted styles and colors of masks made out of duct tape. The diversity of styles included cut-out or molded eye holes, teeth, full cheek guards, bikers goggles, a medieval doctor’s beak, mohawks, and more. Holding a wild medley of cardboard-and-duct-tape melee weapons, they were clad in little else besides a chaotic mix of speedos, diapers, vests, and/or a few get-ups that looked suspiciously like pleasure harnesses, all made from a rainbow of duct tape.

In the dim light and resounding silence, they all turned to stare at the door.

Bradford slowly cast her gaze across them as she looked from one side of the room to the other, the Marines all frozen and staring at her in silence, before she quietly backed out and shut the door.

“We’re going somewhere else for a while,” she said, still staring at the door she firmly held shut.

Rinn’s ears, held straight up, swiveled to point behind him. “That… That sounds like an excellent idea…”

“Yeah…” she said, releasing the door and pulling herself away. She looked at Rinn. “Anyone ever show you how to play Xbox?”

“I can’t say that I have,” he said as she pointedly ignored what sounded like Kawalski’s muted shouting behind the door.

“Sounds like a great time to learn,” she said as muffled chaos exploded behind the door. She turned and headed towards the common room. “C’mon, I’ll teach you how to play Call of Duty, and we can see what other games they managed to snag. I haven’t had time to play anything since they set the system up.”

***

Rinn fidgeted as Echo Company formed up outside their barracks complex. He was nervous. First Sergeant Khatri had found out about his cadence project. He was nervous because he expected to be called on to lead the whole company through his new cadence.

He was also nervous because he was the one who told First Sergeant Khatri about it the night before. That’s why he had run into Bradford on the way back to the barracks. He gave a silent prayer to all the gods above and all the gods below that the squad wouldn’t find out.

“Company! Atten-hut!” Rinn snapped to attention with the other Marines as Khatri marched out in front of them. “Marines! It has come to my attention that one of our augments has been undertaking a little cadence project, translating a Ganlin marching song into a Marine Corps cadence. Is this true, Second Artificer Ahyat?”

Rinn had to struggle to keep his ears from plastering back against his skull. “Yes, First Sergeant!”

“And it is my understanding that it is in a workable state. Is this true, Second Artificer Ahyat?”

Rinn hesitated. He swore he could hear a pin drop. “Yes, First Sergeant!”

“Outstanding! Now, as you all know, I take great pride and joy in a proper marching cadence, and to hear this warms my heart.” He clutched a hand to his chest for emphasis. “The deep, sub-cockle regions of it. Second Artificer Ahyat, you will be leading us in this cadence today!”

“Yes, First Sergeant!”

With the closest Rinn had ever seen Khatri come to a smile, the First Sergeant made a crisp about face and saluted Captain Spader. “The company is formed and ready, sir!”

“Very well. Get them moving, First Sergeant.”

“Aye, aye, sir!”

Khatri pivoted and marched to his place in the column. “Company! Forward! March!”

Feet crunched on gravel and packed dirt as Echo Company stepped off. Khatri called out a basic cadence as he turned their column out of their little assembly area, what the Marines had started calling the grinder, and onto the road.

“Ahyat!” Khatri shouted as the last of the Marines snaked onto the road. “Sound off!”

Rinn cleared his throat. “Yipe! Yipe! Yegh!” he shouted, the corners of his mouth twitching as the Marines echoed back the nonsense sounds. Here we go, he thought, taking a deep breath.

“I left my heart in San’Riiaaaaa!” he called out in English. His t’s were still a little soft, and he still dragged out his vowels a bit longer than he should, but his accent was still clear.

“I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAAA!” The Marines echoed back, and he could hear the surprise in their voices. He smiled and called the next line.

“I left my heart to heed the caaaall!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO HEED THE CAAAALL!” The Marines’ voices were stronger, more certain, adapting quickly.

“I left my heart to shield her theerre!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO SHIELD HER THEERRE!”

“I left my heart to goo to waaaar!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO GO TO WAAAAR!”

“Chorus!” he shouted, before taking another breath.

“We carry on the looong campaaaign!
We steel our hearts and maaarch aloooong!
To keep the war awaay from hooome!
We raise our pikes and neeever yieeeld!
‘Til we’ve freed the yoke from all Gahlaaa!”

He closed his eyes for a beat. He could already tell his throat was going to be sore when this was all done, but he wasn’t going to bungle it. Another breath, and he shouted again.

“I found my boots in Rotiyiiiin!”

“I FOUND MY BOOTS IN ROTIYIIIN!”

“I learned to march in formatioon!”

“I LEARNED TO MARCH IN FORMATIOON!”

“In line and square and in colummn!”

“IN LINE AND SQUARE AND IN COLUMMN!”

“To bear my heart in San’Riiaa!”

“TO BEAR MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAA!”

This time, a few Marines joined in on the long notes of the chorus.

“We carry on the looong campaaaign!
We steel our hearts and maaarch aloooong!
To keep the war awaay from hooome!
We raise our pikes and neeever yieeeld!
‘Til we’ve freed the yoke from all Gahlaaa!”

A few more had joined before the chorus had finished.

“I donned my armor in Toiyooo!”

“I DONNED MY ARMOR IN TOIYOOO!”

“I wrapped myself in clooth and steeeel!”

“I WRAPPED MYSELF IN CLOOTH AND STEEEEL!”

“Re-enforced with maail and speeell!”

“RE-ENFORCED WITH MAAIL AND SPEEELL!”

“To shield my heart in San’Riiaaa!”

“TO SHIELD MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAA!”

Marine voices started to overpower his as he drove into the chorus once more.

“We carry on the looong campaaaign!
We steel our hearts and maaarch aloooong!
To keep the war awaay from hooome!
We raise our pikes and neeever yieeeld!
‘Til we’ve freed the yoke from all Gahlaaa!”

“I grabbed my pike in Mol’Raiii!”

“I GRABBED MY PIKE IN MOL’RAIII!”

“Enchanted bright and shaarp of biiite!”

“ENCHANTED BRIGHT AND SHAARP OF BIIITE!”

“I lift it up and hoold it hiiigh!”

“I LIFT IT UP AND HOOLD IT HIIIGH!”

“To guard my heart in San’Riiaaa!”

“TO GUARD MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAA!”

The Marines had picked up the chorus this time, and he could barely hear his own voice over theirs.

“We carry on the looong campaaaign!
We steel our hearts and maaarch aloooong!
To keep the war awaay from hooome!
We raise our pikes and neeever yieeeld!
‘Til we’ve freed the yoke from all Gahlaaa!”

“I earned my strips in Riiun Paaass!”

“Blood stripes!” someone shouted in the brief gap before the rest of the company echoed back.

“I EARNED MY STRIPS IN RIIUN PAAASS!”

“At Koilay, Bruhl, and Sai’Li’Unnn!”

“AT KOILAY, BRUHL, AND SAI’LI’UNNN!”

“In blood and fire I baattle throuuuugh!”

“IN BLOOD AND FIRE I BAATTLE THROUUUUGH!”

“To win my heart in San’Riiaaa!”

“TO WIN MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAA!”

This time the Marines beat him to the chorus, and he straightened in pride as voice was drowned out by a company two hundred strong.

“WE CARRY ON THE LOOONG CAMPAAAIGN!
WE STEEL OUR HEARTS AND MAAARCH ALOOOONG!
TO KEEP THE WAR AWAAY FROM HOOOME!
WE RAISE OUR PIKES AND NEEEVER YIEEELD!
‘TIL WE’VE FREED THE YOKE FROM ALL GAHLAAA!”

“I yearn to see my heaarth and hooome!”

“I YEARN TO SEE MY HEAARTH AND HOOOME!”

“Family, friends, and soomeone mooore!”

“FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND SOOMEONE MOOORE!”

“I promise one day too retuuurn!”

“I PROMISE ONE DAY TOO RETUUURN!”

“To see my heart in San’Riiaaa!”

“TO SEE MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAA!”

“WE CARRY ON THE LOOONG CAMPAAAIGN!
WE STEEL OUR HEARTS AND MAAARCH ALOOOONG!
TO KEEP THE WAR AWAAY FROM HOOOME!
WE RAISE OUR PIKES AND NEEEVER YIEEELD!
‘TIL WE’VE FREED THE YOKE FROM ALL GAHLAAA!”

“I left my heart in San’Riiaaaaa!”

“I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAAA!”

“I left my heart to heeed the caaaall!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO HEEED THE CAAAALL!”

“I left my heart to shield her theerre!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO SHIELD HER THEERRE!”

“I left my heart to go to waaaar!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO GO TO WAAAAR!”

He held the last note to signal the end of the cadence. The Marines copied the long note, and it trailed off as they made the final turn, approaching the rest of the battalion’s formation. The First Sergeant timed that well… he thought, but felt one last call was needed. “Royal Host, Never Yield! Two-Five!”

“RETREAT, HELL!”

“Company! Halt!”

***

“Guh, my head feels like mush,” Bradford said as they trudged into the gym. “I swear to god, if I have to go to one more strategy seminar or training planning session, my brains will all ooze out of my head and have to be mopped up off the floor…”

“Don’t worry, Jabs,” Edison said, tapping her arm. “We’ve got your favorite activity to make up for it: Picking up heavy things and putting them back down.”

“Damn straight!” she laughed.

“Raaawwwgh!” Edison said, flexing his arms in front of him. “She-Hulk STRONG!”

Laughing, she gave him a shove hard enough to send him staggering off to the side. “Stronger than you, pencil-arms.”

“Why do we keep having to sit through all these seminars, anyway?” Kimber asked. “We’re Marines. You don’t put us in classrooms. You give us a gun, and point us at whatever you need destroyed.”

“It’s to figure out how to train the next guys,” Bradford said, stepping over to a weight bench. “Got my spot?” Rinn and Edison paired up by a couple of benches by the dumbbell rack nearby while the rest of the squad dispersed through the gym.

“Sure,” Kimber said, stepping over to the weight rack. “How much to start?”

“Fifty on the bar to warm up a bit, then up from there.”

“Cool,” he said, grabbing a weight. “And what do you mean, figure out how to train the next guys?”

“The next guys,” she said, locking a weight on her side of the bar, then settling down on the bench. “The next group of Marines and Artificers, or Soldiers and Artificers, or whoever the fuck else gets sent through this program.” She took a grip on the bar as Kimber moved into position at the head of the bench, and with barely a grunt she heaved it off the rack and started doing reps.

“When did we get put into a program?” Kimber asked.

“We’re not in a… program,” Bradford grunted out between reps. “We’re… pathfinding it. The training program… that integrates artificers and the U.S. military.”

After several reps, she shoved the bar back up on the racks and stood up, wiping sweat off with a towel as she switched places with Kimber.

“You think they’re making this a program?” Kimber asked, heaving the bar off the rack and starting his own set of reps.

“Fuck yeah, they are. No putting that cat back in the bag. We’re just kind of the pilot, fumbling our way through, figuring shit out for the people that’ll come next.”

“Hadn’t really thought of that,” Kimber said, putting the bar back up on the rack after his set.

Bradford snorted as she grabbed more weight for the bar. “You’re a Marine. You don’t get paid to think. Good thing, too,” she winked at him.

“Damn straight!” he laughed, locking a matching weight on the other side of the bar and moving back to the spotter position.

Their conversation tapered mostly to insults and encouragement as they added more weight with each set.

They were just locking another set of weights on the bar when Kawalski called over. “Kimber! We need you! Gomer thinks he’s the wrestling champion!”

Kimber glanced back at Bradford, but Edison spoke up. “Go ahead, man, I’ll spot for her.”

“Ha!” Bradford snorted. “Spotter needs to be able to at least help lift the weight that’s being benched, and that ain’t happening with your pencil arms, and I could probably bench Ahyat for reps.” She glanced at him. “No offense.”

He shook his head with a dismissive ear flick. “None taken.”

“Ha, I bet you could!” Edison said.

“Kimber!”

“I can’t, man! Jabs is gonna bench Shields!”

“What?!”

“Jabs is gonna bench Shields!”

Bradford laughed, glancing at a bewildered Rinn.

“Man, I gotta see this,” Elder said, elbowing his way to the front of the crowd that spontaneously formed around the weight bench. It felt like half of Echo Company was there.

“Hey, how many reps you bet she can do with him?” Kawalski asked, hustling the crowd even as it formed.

Bradford looked at Rinn again as a pair of Marines lifted the bar out of the way. He was shoved towards the bench, and his ears drooped in defeat.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not benching him.”

“But, Jabs-“ Kimber said, before she interrupted him.

“Dude. He’s, what, one ten?” She raised an eyebrow at Rinn. “One fifteen, soaking wet, with a brick in your pocket?” He shrugged his ears, flicking the end of his tail at her. “I just repped one thirty,” she said, pointing her thumb at the bar, “And upped it to one forty-five. I’ve got nothing to prove by benching Ahyat.”

“Aw, c’mon, Jabs,” Kawalski said. “It’s not about provin’ nothin’, it’s about bein’ funny!”

“I said no, Kawalski.”
[First][Prev][Next]
Continued in comments...

(GAME THREAD) TORONTO RAPTORS (2-8) @ CHARLOTTE HORNETS (6-6) - 7:30 PM (EST) on TSN1/TSN4

(GAME THREAD) TORONTO RAPTORS (3-8) @ CHARLOTTE HORNETS (6-7) - 7:30 PM (EST) on TSN

Lockdown 3.0 Things to do, plus help and support.

Raptors	Hornets
G - Kyle Lowry 🍑	G - Devonte' Graham
G - Fred VanVleet 💰	G - Terry Rozier
F - OG Anunoby 👑	F - Gordon Hayward (doubtful)
F - Pascal Siakam 🌶	F - P.J. Washington
Aron Baynes 😐	C - Bismack Biyombo

-	Raptors	Hornets
Pace	101.5 (18th)	99.8 (21st)
FG%	44.0 (26th)	44.2 (24th)
3PT FG%	36.4 (14th)	35.8 (17th)
Assists	23.6 (21st)	28.7 (1st) 👑
Rebounds	43.5 (22nd)	44.6 (15th)
Turnovers	14.3 (11th)	14.9 (17th)
Off. Rating	109.4 (16th)	107.4 (22nd)
Def. Rating	110.8 (21st)	107.5 (7th)
Streak	L2	L1

Raptors	Hornets
G - Kyle Lowry 🍑	G - Devonte' Graham
G - Fed VanVleet 💰	G - Terry Rozier
F - OG Anunoby 👑	F - Gordon Hayward (probable)
F - Pascal Siakam 🌶	F - P.J. Washington
C - Aron Baynes 🇳🇿	C - Bismack Biyombo

-	TOR	CHA
Pace	101 (11th)	99.5 (21st)
FG%	44.1 (26th)	44.5 (21st)
3PT FG%	36.8 (13th)	36.3 (14th)
Assists	24.5 (17th)	28.9 (1st) 👑
Rebounds	43.2 (23rd)	44.5 (16th)
Turnovers	14.6 (13th)	15.3 (21st)
Off. Rating	110 (16th)	107.8 (21st)
Def. Rating	111 (21st)	108.1 (9th)
Streak	W1	L1

Disclaimer I want to thank everyone for the gilds, replies and suggestions. I just do not have time to reply to everyone, but I am reading everything. I am not sure how much bigger the thread can be, I already typed this but it vanished so I think I'm at the limit. I will try to keep updating, but I don't expect the thread to be up top for much longer and will likely vanish soon, so if you need anything save it.
Yes, it's hard, it sucks, it's depressing. It is something we all have to do if you want to see this virus go. Everyone knows the deal, too many think they're the exception but no one is. However, staying home is hard so maybe I can help at least one or two people with some incentives. I'll try to give links to some things that can help cure the boredom, and some support if you need it.
Most of this might be obvious to some, some might not even have internet and of course, money is a big issue, so I'll try to give some suggestions:
For streaming and on demand things such as Netflix et al, don't forget you can subscribe for free for your first month. This goes for most things in the list. If you are worried about putting in your payment details and forgetting to cancel a month later, don't worry! You can sign up and immediately cancel and you still get your free month!
For people who don't have a smart TV, you can buy a cheap Amazon Fire TV stick or a Roku box. The Fire stick can go as low as £20 often for 1080p. It will drop to £30 for 4k.
I picked up a 4k Roku device for £18 on Amazon once. It's fast and snappy. currently it's going for £33 for the 4k version. Having both, there is little difference between the devices. NowTV also do their own roku powered device.
Subscription based streaming sites that all offer 2-4 weeks free for first timers

Netflix *According to comments the second month is free.
Amazon Prime You can either get Amazon video on its own, or take prime with other benefits. I strongly urge those who use Amazon for buying off their store front to use [https://smile.amazon.co.uk/] as there is literally no difference except everything you buy amazon donates to a charity of your choice.
Now TV (I believe it's 7 days)
Disney+
Britbox
Amazon channels. I believe you can get all these individually but Amazon offers them as channels bound to your prime account, and they are again either free for a couple weeks (again, take them, cancel instantly) or very cheap. I recently subscribed to Starzplay for £1 for 3 months. It has some good shows on it like Fringe, doom patrol. It also has channels like Curiosity stream and shudder

If you have not subscribed to the any of the above, you can get a few months of free TV by signing up and cancelling instantly. I suggest waiting at least 5 minutes just to let it go through the system.
Some tips for Now TV. IF you already have a subscription, I've noticed you can get it cheaper by cancelling. When you cancel they will beg you to stay. Select "I can not afford it this month" and they should beg again, telling you what shows they have. If you say you still want to cancel, they'll beg one last time and offer you the subscription for cheaper. This won't work every month, but I've noticed they'll always offer it the first time, then again after a couple months. If you're subscribed to both films and entertainment do the most expensive one as it may not work both times (but it might!). You can also pick up passes from storefronts a lot cheaper sometimes, before I could pick one up on Amazon for £3 but, they seem to have cracked down on it. If you shop around (or if anyone knows of a legitimate store please let me know) you might be able to pick it up cheaper. Lastly, check their website and under your account they should have an "offers for you" section.
Completely free TV

If you do have a smart TV and/or device, there are some good free streaming apps. One I really love is called PlutoTV. I know this is on both Roku and the fire stick, as well as Ps4/Ps5 and xbox.
Pluto offers a bunch of live channels and now an on demand section, all for free. It has adverts but they are actually short (shorter than regular TV and fewer of them). Some of the channels are just streaming certain shows like Mythbusters 24/7 or Dog the bounty hunter, but it has a lot of old movie channels as well as 24/7 kickboxing and MMA. It also has a 24/7 poker channel I quite like.
Another one I like is Rakuten Viki however, I haven't watched it for a while as my fire stick is only 1080p and I have too many other devices attached. I believe it is on Roku but you have to jump through some hoops and have an account. The last I checked on the fire stick you did not. Viki offers a metric ton of Asian shows, mainly from Japan and South Korea but it does have chinese, Malaysian etc. It has subtitles. Some Japanese shows are hysterical, albeit weird.
Roku also do their own channels with free shows if you own a device.
For those who don't have a smart TV or a Streaming device, you can set up your own computer as a dedicated streaming device with Plex. It's been a while since I used it but I believe it now also offers free movies and TV.
Anime
If you are into Anime there is

The first 2 are free to watch, or offer premium without ads which you can have a trial with. Crunchyroll is the better of the two with more original choice for Japanese voice and subs, while Funimation has more Dubs. I don't believe HiDive is free to watch but you do get a 2 week trial. These are more exclusives than the previous two.
PC Centric software
If you are a gamer or like Audiobooks or anything that uses computers for things like music making, programming or graphic design

Humble Bundle offers, as per the name, bundles. A long running site that got bought out by IGN. It offers both single items and bundles you can buy individually/as a pack while also offering a separate monthly subscription for around £8-9. The subscription gives you 12 games on average per month. That's the simplest explanation but it changes somewhat as sometimes you get to pick 10 out of 14 games, or get all 12.
Humble bundle offers more than just games though. Every Tuesday they bring a new bundle of games, while Thursday (I "think) a new bundle of books. They very often have books from the Black Library giving you a ton of Warhammer books. Sometimes it's standard E-books, other times it's audiobooks. A few times a year they do bundles for graphic design, a typical bundle would include programs like Paintshop Pro Corel Painter etc, They usually go for £0.76 for tier 1 up to around £18 for tier 3, which would include 4-6 full titles with 10+ addons. They also often have Music making bundles or video editing software as well as Programming or video game development.
The bundles change often, they usually have around 11 bundles at a time that last for 20 days. Sometimes it's trash but they do often have some very good deals.
Fanatical offers the same as humble bundle except usually not as high quality, but sometimes they do have some incredible deals, and they are very very cheap.
Both humble and fanatical are safe, trusted and been around a long time, and they are NOT grey market key sites. They work with the publishers and developers. You can buy games both old and new for a lot cheaper than you would most other places. Unless it states otherwise, keys are usually for steam.
**BOTH HB and Fanatical (HB much more common) offer free games fairly often. The catch is linking your steam account to them (at least HB). It is safe however.
IndieGala is another site like above. Except, these are much much lower quality. However, they offer a metric ton of free games. Quality is low but it is legitimate, and a lot of free stuff.
Game Store Fronts

Steam This one is so obvious I didn't add it, but apparently many want me to. It is the best out there, and you can find almost everything, with fantastic deals.
Greenmangaming offers games cheaply. Again, not a grey market site (which are legal but unethical) and they sometimes do bundles.
GoG (Good old games) is a DRM free site run by CDPR, the makers of the Witcher 3 and Cyberpunk. They offer you games quite cheap and not needing DRM (such as Steam, Uplay etc which is less invasive versions of dodgy DRM from the olden days).
Epic Games Despite the controversy whether you care about their rivalry with valve, they offer free games ever week. Without ever having bought anything I have gained over 170 games. literally. Good games for the most part. They often give you £10 coupons as well.
Twitch Everyone knows twitch, but if you don't, it's a streaming service for watching gamers and girls with low cut tops accidentally bending over in front of the game. However, if you're signed up to prime, you get free games each month (and randomly between the set bunch).
Playstation Store Currently has January sales. Currently the free games for PS+ are for PS4: Shadow of the Tomb Raider and Greedfall. For the Ps5 it is Maneater
Games with Gold Bleed 2 and the King of Fighters XIII is available until Janurary 15th whilst little Nightmares is available until January 31st.

Gaming Subscriptions
Like the TV versions, you can sign up to these for a free trial (or very cheap). If you do sign up to only one at a time, it should keep you busy for a few months

Xbox Game Pass You can do this on both/either an Xbox or PC. If you sign up to the regular one, you can get a month (maybe three!) for £1. After you have done that, you can sign up to the premium version for 3 months at £1 a month. Most people know game pass, but you can download a large selection of games for free. The premium version gives you games with gold, allowing you to keep the games forever (but can only play with a subscription)
Ubisoft+ I'm not 100% sure if you get a trial or not. This allows a large collection of Ubisoft titles to play for £12.99 a month. Quite expensive but good if you like Ubisoft titles I guess.
EA Play EA's version. Goes by a ton of names I think, EA Access, EA Play, Origin Access etc etc. There's a couple of versions of this, and it is across all platforms (PS4/5, Xbox, PC) but not sure about the switch. I "think" the premium allows you to play on all platforms, while the cheaper one on a single platform, but I may be mistaken.
PS Now a once terrible service that is now actually very good. Allows you to download some Ps4 games to your PS4/5 and lets you stream a massive amount of Ps2/3/4 to your PC or playstation.

There's more like nvidia's service but you need the Shield device which is quite expensive. I'll leave it at that.
Audiobooks & Ebooks

Audible Not sure what the current deal is but if you are a prime member you can sign up for a trial and get a free Audiobook each month for 3 months. Some warhammer books are 48 hours long, 3 of those gives you a good 100+ hours of listening!
Comixology Another Amazon company, but lets you download some free comics I believe.
Marvel Unlimited No experience with this. ItFuckingWont wanted me to add it. A subscription service for Marvel.

Education

Sign Language BSL here No experience myself, suggested by n21brown and asked for a few times. Didn't know SL was so popular! Listed as "Pay what you can"
BBC's Bitesize here is apparently good for home learning. Again, no personal experience.

If you need some spare change
Okay, I don't generally bother with it, but maybe some of this could be useful to you. These are NOT a quick way to make a fortune. These are small things you can do over time for a bit of pocket change

If you have prime you can get a FREE FIVE POUND GIFT CARD by literally just streaming a song from Amazon music (which is included in prime) here is the details According to the comments it's only for select people, but it's worth trying If the link doesn't work for you just google "Amazon £5 coupon music"
Now, these sorts of sites have been around for years, I haven't used any other than talkInsights which I must have signed up to 10-15 years ago. Basically they send you surveys and you answer them. They are confidential and don't ask for personal details in the survey. You need 2000 points and you get £20. During the pandemic they've slowed down but I probably get around £40 a year. Not much I know, but it's an email followed by a quick survey ticking boxes. Depending on your answer sometimes you get screened out, I'm not telling you to lie but just be consistent with your answers and you should be able to work out how to not get screened. Some emails are only worth 20 points, others 200. It's slow to get to the 2000 but very quick to just answer a few questions.
Apparently beermoneyuk is a good sub to make some pocket change with.
There is also matched betting. I have never done this, I don't have the patience but from what I've read, it's legitimate, it works and you can make a fair amount of cash from it so long as you do it correctly, and there's a ton of guides. I mention this because people stuck at home could get into it and as long as you're careful (I.E not entering in the wrong numbers) it's risk free AND it pisses off the betting shops. It seems people in comments have had success with it. Disclaimer A couple have complained about gambling. This arguably is not gambling. If you are susceptible to addiction do not do it. However, it's argued that there is no fun or buzz in this, and it's a very tedious and time consuming thing. Others argue you can't make the same money anymore (People were making thousands, now only hundreds if that). It's risk free providing you know what you're doing, the risks are user error, such as entering the wrong numbers. Someone pointed out that due to the lockdown, bets could potentially be cancelled due to sport stopping. So use on a side of caution. We're (mainly) adults so I'll leave it up just because this doesn't have the excitement of regular gambling.
Microsoft Rewards This is an easy way to make pocket change doing very little. Most people have a MS account. The rewards program offers you numerous ways to grab points, by playing free to play games, answering small questions (you don't even need to answer most of the time, just open the link and shut it) and by using bing and searching on it. I've gotten 20k points JUST by answering questions over a couple months. There are many rewards but you can grab a £5 gift card for 6k for example, or a month of game pass (and AFAIK you can make points playing the games)
Google rewards Someone mentioned this in the comments. I have not used it, so can not give any input on it. Sounds similar to TalkInsights which I linked. Google states "Complete short surveys while standing in line, or waiting for a subway. Get rewarded with Google Play or PayPal credit for each one you complete. Topics include everything from opinion polls, to hotel reviews, to merchant satisfaction surveys. We’ll notify you when a survey is waiting."

That's it for now. I will try to update as I go along. A long post but I hope that it can help some of you with finding something good to do that's free, cheap or a bargain. I do suggest getting prime, especially since you get free music, free delivery, free TV and music and free video games each month. In fact, there's a ton of perks and I feel I've gotten way over the cost investment.
Hope it helps someone at least
PartTimeCrazy said if you bought an Apple product you get 3 free months of Apple Arcade and Apple TV free for a year
fakehunted is upset I didn't mention wanking. Tesco have 225 sheets of Tissue for £0.75!
tale_lost suggested Project Gutenberg for a collection of free E-Books
Learning Language
Unfortunately, I don't have time to check every link listed so I will link the comments:
Togtogtog Gives a lot of links for Spanish

Duolingo Numerous people have suggested this So I haven't used myself. Thanks to OhHiGCHQ StephanieMecredy & Allorie_95

Board & Tabletop games
Corporal_Anaesthetic has made a list of Board games
ilyemco suggested these
HEALTH
I'm not a doctor! But if you're a smoker, something I strongly suggest is to quit. I struggled for years but in the first lockdown I quit, technically. I haven't had a cigarette since, however, I do that silly thing millennials do. I vape, but, it made quitting extremely easy. I would not have been able to do it if it wasn't for 88Vape They sell extremely cheap liquids at £1 each. You can find these in B&M but you can pick up 25 for £20 or buy your own mix.
Vitamin D deficiency has been said to be a big problem for the virus. I'd suggest (again, not a doctor!) that you pick some up. Tesco do a 3 for 2 deal. So you can pick up 270 tablets for £7.
If you are vulnerable you MIGHT be able to phone tesco and get put on their delivery saver list (currently it's paused but phoning may help. At the very least they might give you a priority slot. I did this for my mum, we didn't shop at Tesco but I phoned for her, and they put her on with no hassle, so she can always get a delivery.
HELP & ADVICE
The lockdown Rules.
Reasons to leave home include:

Work or volunteering where it is "unreasonable" to work from home. This includes work in someone else's home, such as that carried out by social workers, nannies, cleaners and tradespeople
Education, training, childcare and medical appointments and emergencies
Exercise outdoors (limited to once a day). This includes meeting one other person from another household in an open public space to exercise
Shopping for essentials such as food and medicine
Communal religious worship
Meeting your support or childcare bubble. Children can also move between separated parents Activities related to moving house

I want to add, if you are in danger you are also allowed (and must!) to get away from the situation for some reason, BBC seems to have missed this very important thing (or I am blind)

To flee the threat of harm or violence.*
CoronaVirus Symptoms
CoronaVirus government site You can check your location and how many cases here.
Worldometers Shows cases around the world.
Interactive UK Map Another easy to read map with cases in counties and local area's.
World Health Organisation

Support

FOR THOSE SHIELDING YOU CAN CONTACT THE ROYAL VOLUNTARY SERVICE. These people helped my mother with picking up her medicine from the chemist. They were very helpful and went out their way to keep in touch and do it immediately. (It's the only experience I have with them though)
_riotingpacifist wanted these links added, but I simply just don't have the time to vet and check all the suggestions here, so I will link as is:

Update:
Digital Art
These are Free

Krita Arguably the best in my opinion. It has a load of options, brushes and a decent UI. It works fantastic with a tablet.
Gimp This is a decent program but last I used, the UI was a pain, and it isn't so user friendly while misses features, but it works, and it is possible to do some incredible creations on it.
Medibang Paint This is slightly geared towards Comics and Manga. I really enjoy using this with my drawing Tablet. As far as I know, it also for regular tablets for Android/Ipad and is free.

You can pick up a drawing tablet on Amazon quite cheap these days! Small ones that are just a black slate such as the wacom ones are good but takes some practice to get use to, but very worth it if you can't afford a dedicated drawing tablet with a screen.
Office suit software
A couple of free applications for word processing, spreadsheets etc.

LibreOffice This has most the average user would need to write their own books or to work from home. There's not a huge amount of difference between the two I'm linking (since I last used anyway) so it's more for preference.
Open Office You can pick this up here and again, like above it's just preference.

Music Making
I'm going to direct to matthewharris806 for some links as all the programs I've used like Reason are expensive, or cheaper stuff in bundles such as Magix software.
Games development
D_Dad_Default gives some links for that here

Liverpool vs Manchester City

[$SE] Multi-year Emerging Market Growth - This is the Way

GME Short Squeeze and Ryan Cohen DD for Jim Cramer, The (Man)Child Who Wandered Into the Middle of the GME-Cohen Movie 🚀 🚀 🚀

The Dude: It's like what Lenin said…you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh...
Donny: I am the walrus.
The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say...
Donny: I am the walrus.
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin! Vladimir Illanich Uleninov!
Donny:What the fuck is he talking about, Dude?
Hello again, GME Gang. What a fun day we had yesterday! Could it continue today? Only Melvin Capital (and maybe Ryan Cohen) knows!
And an extra special hello today to our newest WSB lookie-loo, Mr. Cramer (Can I call you Jim? I’m gonna call you Jim).
Now Jim, from what I’ve been able to gather, you and your Boomer stocks and your Hot Manic Takes don’t always get a lot of love around here. But that’s not all your fault, Jim. The Paste-Eating Rocket Kids are often good for a solid meme (FYI: it’s pronounced “Mee-Mee.” Feel free to use that on air without verifying). But the Rocket Kids can be a dense bunch and they’re also often one click away from Total Financial Ruin (Quick shout out to SPCE: Pleas fly again). So you have to dig a bit in here to separate the wheat from the chaff, as someone like you actually says in real life. What the fuck even is chaff, Jim? And why do all Boomers seem to think that folksy farm-based idioms are the perfect way to conclude a thought?
Anyway. Those of us who watched your teevee clips last week where you reference your interest in WSB know that you, Jim Cramer, might be one of the Olds, but that you also Think Young(TM). https://www.thestreet.com/jim-cramestock-market-advice-moderna-boeing-fed-ftc-dec-15. So we’re going to do our best to help your young-thinkin’ brain find the Needle In the Haystack here so you can get All Your Ducks In a Row on GME. Because we know that you’re a long way from being Put Out to Pasture, and though you may be an out-of-touch millionaire prone to facile yammering, we now like you here, Jim—simply because you mentioned us and that made us blush a bit since we’re needy Millennials who just want our Boomer mommies and daddies to Tell Us They’re Proud of Us. So even though the Paste-Eating Rocket Kids here are often Buying A Pig in a Poke (Christ, please do not ever say that or the kids’ Mee-Mees are gonna fuck you up), we appreciate you recognizing that, every now and then, there’s something worth paying attention to over in this weird little pocket of the Interwebs. And since you’re actually telling your loyal single-finger-typin’ viewers to check out this WSB shitshow, and “if they’re running GME, then do some work on GME,” we assume you might actually be checking this shit out too, since all true Young Thinkers know that What’s Good for the Goose is Good for the Gander.
Now, is the GME play as solid as your recent recommendation to buy Bed Bath and Beyond? Who knows? That seems pretty stupid, and I would look it up myself this weekend but my nice little Saturday is already pretty full so I don’t know—I don’t know if I’ll have enough time. But I’ll tell you one thing: the GME play is a lot more fucking fun. Life in a pandemic is boring, but here in this weird WSB place, these kids like fun. And for all your Boomer weirdness, you seem like you still like to have a little fun in this Mad, Mad world of ours. So consider joining us here more often. A word of warning, though: if you don’t like all the dern cuss words we use around here, Jim, well that’s just, like, your opinion man, and we’ll have you know that the Supreme Court has roundly rejected Prior Restraint.
First thing’s first: we have a bit of a bone to pick with you (now there I go). The stuff you said last week about GME as the next Blockbuster was D-U-M dumb, Jim. You were a bit out of your fucking element with that. You even made our largest shareholder and conqueror-in-waiting, Mr. Ryan Cohen, send an emoji-only tweet in response, which if you know the super nice-guy Ryan Cohen like all of us do (we actually know nothing), that is pretty much the equivalent of him bringing his dog over to micturate on your and George Sherman’s rug.
Now, I myself have never been into the whole brevity thing, but I wanted to take this opportunity to get you up to speed on the GME movie you’ve wandered into. And I know you’re down with this because you told all your viewers that if WSB is talking about GME, then “make sure you know GME.” So before you say something Absolutely Mad again and Cohen sends a tweet with an even less ambiguous emoji, it’s high time that you start Making the Sure here, Jim. Just consider this to be CPT Hubbard delivering you some Orange Sunshine and turning you on to some of that Sweet, Delicious Non-Chaff Wheat you love so goddamn much.
Part 1: GME’s Bonkers-Ass Short Interest
Now, I’m going to lead with the most crowd-pleasing part of the story here (Get ready, Rocket Kids!), and it’s the one that you did not even seem remotely familiar with in your “Stay out of GameStop, Deadbeat!” rant last week. Maybe that was by design or maybe not. We’ll return to that, Jim. But the point here is: the short interest here is batshit insane. And not just your garden variety Boomer in Rolled Up Sleeves Ranting About Buying Estee Lauder While Hitting Buttons On The Beep-Bop-Boop Machine kind of insanity. Really and truly fucking nuts.
So to TL/DR this shit for you, Jim (to use the parlance of our times): GME is the most shorted stock trading today—by far. https://financhill.com/most-heavily-shorted-stocks-today How shorted? Well, the value of shares short exceeds the market cap of the company; there are currently more shares short than the total number of shares outstanding. And when factoring in the institutional and insider ownership, the total short percentage of float is nearly 300%. https://www.gurufocus.com/term/FloatPercentageOfTSO/GME/Float-Percentage-Of-Total-Shares-Outstanding/GameStop-Corp Even higher, actually, now that Cohen’s interest is over 10%. Now, I’m not a numbers whiz like you, but that level of short interest and the small available float seems pretty fucked up to me. Like: “how is that even legal?” fucked up. And just for a frame of reference, the third most shorted security right now is your beloved Bed Bath and Beyond, with a short percentage of float at a nice and tidy 69%.
Are you starting to gather why some of us in this weird little pocket of the Interwebs are a little excited about GME? You see, as u/Jeffamazon and RodAlzmann u/Uberkikz11 and others have explained in these here corners and on the twitter machine with their top-notch DD, and as I will translate to you in lingo you can dig, the short sellers got way over their skiis on this one expecting a bankruptcy in Spring of 2020 that never came. And yet, amazingly, the short interest has only increased since then—there has effectively been no covering in the aggregate and, in fact, the short percentage has only gone up. And now, on the threshold of 2021, we all sit atop a massive powder keg wondering what is going to be the thing that finally lights this shit up. And at the end of this little missive, I’m going to tell you what I think that thing might be (Spoiler: It’s Ryan Cohen! Better start getting used to seeing his name, Jim, because this dude does not fuck around and he’s not going anywhere).
https://www.reddit.com/wallstreetbets/comments/k4csaa/the_real_greatest_short_burn_of_the_century_part/
https://twitter.com/RodAlzmann
https://thecollective.finance/2020/10/gamestop-gme-a-squeeze-to-44-from-14-can-be-justified-fundamentally-100-of-the-shares-are-short-watch-out/
Part 2: GameStop Isn’t Going Bankrupt and People Actually Want to Buy Shit There
So, you foul mouthed little prick, a bonkers-ass short interest is neat and all, but why is Jim Cramer wrong when Jim Cramer compares GME to Blockbuster you might be asking yourself in the third person. First, the most obvious answer, Jim, which you should fucking know already: Blockbuster was nearly $1 Billion in debt and missing debt payments left and right when it was delisted way back in 2010. That was also when there was a bit of a credit crunch, if you recall, right after that whole Housing Crash Unpleasantness that you saw coming from a mile away and from which you made hundreds of millions of dollars due to your contrarian foresight—I’m sorry, I’m clearly confusing you with Christian Bale starring as Dr. Michael Burry, weirdo head of Scion Asset Management, which also holds about 1.4M shares of GME (You really gotta start looking into this stuff, Jim. This story is made for TV, man—and you Boomers were raised by TV and you turned out TV!). Also, in 2010 when Netflix is ripping and when Blockbuster was about to be delisted and bankrupt, an analyst noted the obvious fact that Blockbuster had “nothing on the horizon that makes it look like Blockbuster is going to be more profitable.”
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-blockbusteblockbuster-wins-debt-reprieve-forced-to-delist-idUSTRE66052720100702
But Jim, if your Blockbuster comparison has any plausibility, GameStop must have a major debt problem then, right? And yet just last month GameStop repaid $125M in debt several months ahead of time. It’s also really weird that over the past year management bought back a ton of shares, taking the OS from 102M down to just under 70M (making a short squeeze even more likely, my Rocket Children). The weirdness continues with a soon-to-be-bankrupt company holding almost $500M in cash on hand. And according to George Sherman’s “Thine Omnichannel Shalt Be The Omni-est Channel of Them All” Conference Call following Q3, by March 2021 GME will have retired a total of $500M in debt and returned $200M to shareholders through stock buy backs. I’m no expert here, and I do not presently own a Beep-Bop-Boop Machine, but that’s all pretty weird shit to be doing if you’re about to go bankrupt.
No, no – I get it: who the fuck actually looks at balance sheets anyway before spouting off about what a stock is going to do? I sure as hell don’t. That’s why I follow my man u/Uberkikz11, since that dude is a GME DD Encyclopedia and was born to crunch numbers. No, when Really Smart People make the Blockbuster comparison, it’s usually just Mouth Sounds for: A B&M Store That Used to Be Popular But Now Is Not Because Technology, QED. But here even the Really Smart People might be missing something as well. They’re right in the sense that GME must use this new console cycle window and cash influx to quickly pivot to a tech-first gaming company (more on that and our boy RC shortly!), but they’re wrong on the timing and relevance of this Super Smart Insight.
So fine, they’re doing ok on debt and cash. But who even goes to that 90s-Ass-Looking Cluttered Mall Geekery anymore anyways? I confess: in my darkest moments, as the short sellers manipulate the fuck out of this stock and I curse the names Bell and Sherman, I too have wondered this. But it turns out that, just like I have no idea why anyone listens to Maroon 5 or eats at Applebee’s, apparently a lot of people in America do shit that I do not. Crazy huh? So here is some pretty neat data showing us how out of touch we might be here, Jim:
First, when a pretty large sample size of people were recently asked the question: which of the following stores or websites do you plan to buy holiday gifts from? The #5 response from United States Americans was none other than GameStop (Ticker, Jim: GME). Only Walmart, Amazon, Target, and Dollar Store (poor people buy gifts too, Jim) were ahead of little old GameStop. That’s higher than Nike, Macy’s, the Apple Store—and double the response of Bed Bath and Fucking Beyond in every category they surveyed. Check it: (h/t to my man u/snowk88)
https://stocktwits.com/snowk88/message/260983915
That’s kinda crazy huh? See Jim, when you Think Young(TM), you really can learn something new every day. And by following our man u/snowk88 (@snowk88 over at stocktwits), I learn lots of cool shit. But guess who already knew that? The guy that wrote this bad-ass letter that identifies GME’s brand and customer data as being one of the most valuable things GME has going for it. https://s.wsj.net/public/resources/documents/RC_Ventures_Letter_to_GameStop.pdf
So now we know that Real Life People actually buy shit at GameStop here in the year of our lord 2020. But like that analyst from 2010 said about Blockbuster, there must not be anything on the horizon for GameStop to be more profitable in 2021, right?
Now, I will admit that being a bit bearish on GME in December of 2020 would make more sense if, say, GameStop were the nation’s largest purveyor of limp and half-lit pumpkin spice-scented candles and we were exiting the apogee of Shitty Candle Season. But as it turns out, GameStop is currently selling basically the most sought-after items that exist in the marketplace right now—where demand for the Xbox and Ps5 is far outpacing supply and is projected to continue well into 2021. https://www.gamesindustry.biz/articles/2020-11-17-microsoft-expects-xbox-series-x-s-shortages-until-q2-2021 I don’t really need to get into the details on that here, because it’s pretty goddamn obvious, but I think 2020 GameStop at the precipice of a new console cycle might be in a bit of a better position than, say, 2010 Blockbuster relying on the latest Adam Sandler release to lift its sagging rental numbers. But I don’t know. Millions of people don’t watch my show looking for Candid Analysis from me and my folksy man-of-the-people-lookin’ rolled-up sleeves.
Part 3: Ryan Cohen is the Sword of Damocles Hanging Over the Short Sellers’ Dumbass Heads
And now we’ve gotten to the best part. It’s my favorite part of all of this, Jim, and if you give this a little time, I think it will be yours too. You see, all that corporate bla bla bla about balance sheets and console cycles and early debt repayment and overleveraged short sellers and brand recognition is neat and all—and definitely worth a second look by itself. Maybe even a little Beep-Bop-Boop on the ol’ sound machine—I don’t know your methods. But the real thing that’s about to rip all our faces off here is the business and investment decisions of a mild-mannered wunderkind named Ryan Cohen.
Now you can revisit my prior epistle if you want to know a bit more about the involvement of Mr. Ryan Cohen in Le Affair GameStop. https://www.reddit.com/wallstreetbets/comments/kakxrm/gme_tribe_a_story_about_how_ryan_cohen_is_about/. My fly-by-night theory of his lawyer’s possible use of the consent solicitation could have probably marinated for another day, but the thrust of my argument there was that Cohen and his attorney have been laying the groundwork to come after GameStop for a while now. And that Cohen was likely emboldened by the humiliating, lame-ass CC performance by some dude with a mid-century comic-strip sounding name that we’ll all soon know only as: The Guy With the Punchable Face Who Used to Be CEO of GameStop.
But here is where things get really interesting. This is a story in the making, Jim, for fucks sake - take notes! This Monday, on December 21, Mr. Ryan Cohen filed a revised 13D showing that last week he started buying a shit-ton of shares—starting on Tuesday December 15th—which is the day after the stock price inexplicably plunged on Monday the 14th and the very same day you were yammering on the teevee about GME being Blockbuster! Instead of listening to you, however, Cohen started buying more GME shares (super-sleuth dark pool watchers u/rgrAi and u/snowk88 noticed in real-time that there was some very large accumulation taking place), which culminated in the big reveal that Cohen purchased a total of 2,501,000 additional shares last week—500,000 of which were purchased on Friday December 18, 2020 at the price of $16.02 a share. Ryan Cohen is still the single largest shareholder of GME with 9,001,000 shares in total, taking his ownership of GME above the 10% threshold from 9.98% to 12.9%. And so he apparently thinks that the floor for his investment is $16.02 per share. Is he still buying? We’ll know soon. But yesterday seemed like a little taste of what it might look like if a large buyer steps in to prevent short sellers from manipulating all of my nervous little Rocket Children here and their delicate little paper hands.
There was another thing we learned from this 13D filing: Ryan Cohen has apparently hired a new attorney and law firm. Instead of the great Christopher Davis of Kline Kaplan, now Ryan Cohen is represented by Ryan P. Nebel, a partner with Olshan Frome Wolosky, LLP. Now, if you’re familiar with my prior ramblings, you might wonder if I was a bit confused, and maybe even a little sad, at this sudden change from my man C. Davis. And you might be a little right. But then the wonder of the internet allowed me to learn a bit about these new lawyers. And holy shit, things are about to get fun.
Now, I liked what I knew about Chris Davis and he seems like a genuine bad ass activist attorney. But the folks at Olshan Frome and Wolosky, LLP are Next Level Players and really seem tailor-made for this exact situation. First off, Olshan is ranked as the top global lawfirm for Activist Attorneys. https://www.olshanlaw.com/assets/htmldocuments/Bloomberg%20Activism%20League%20Tables%20H12020.pdf (H/t @flummoxed at stocktwits). They seem to be the go-to law firm for major proxy battles initiated by activist investors. But possibly even more important is that Olshan is the same firm that represented Hestia and Permit in their successful proxy battle earlier this year to appoint two new directors to the GME Board. I’m not going into the fine details of that, because this is already a bit of a long-form Idiot’s New Yorker article, but GameStop just went through a proxy fight last year with Activist Investors Hestia Capital and Permit Capital, which resulted in two Board seats for our shareholder buds from Hestia and Permit. So, it’s reasonable to assume that the attorneys at Olshan might know their way around GameStop at this point and where the pressure points are here.
http://www.globallegalchronicle.com/hestia-capital-and-permit-capitals-two-new-directors-to-the-gamestop-board/
https://www.olshanlaw.com/resources-mentions-HestiaCapital-PermitCapital-GameStop-BoardofDirectors-ShareholderActivism.html
And if you follow u/snowk88 over at stocktwits (@snowk88)— you’d also find a wealth of DD on how Olshan rolls when entering these activist-investor-replaces-dumbass-boards-and-CEOs type disputes. To bottom line it: they get it fucking done.
https://stocktwits.com/snowk88/message/266158534
https://stocktwits.com/snowk88/message/266155112
https://stocktwits.com/snowk88/message/266153175
But what else did we learn from the 13D? We learned that Ryan Cohen is definitely not going anywhere any time soon. Specifically, the filing notes that RC Ventures intends to continue to engage in discussions with GameStop’s board “regarding means to drive stockholder value, including through changes to the composition of the board and other corporate governance enhancements." And while RC Ventures “desires to come to an amicable resolution with [GameStop, it] will not hesitate to take any actions that it believes are necessary to protect the best interests of all stockholders.”
I really like that last part, don’t you? And although I thought his November 16th letter was pretty goddamn clear, this 13D just ratcheted up the transparency level here. In sum, Ryan Cohen has all of our backs and he’s going to replace this Board and Sherman with people that are on the level and that will help implement his vision.
And now seems like a good time to return to those “Ryan Cohen: Boy Genius” articles that were definitely NOT part of a well-coordinated pre-hostile takeover media campaign initiated earlier this year. I think there might be a few things in those articles that Mr. Cohen wanted all of us shareholders (as well as the short sellers and the Board he’s about to replace) to really and truly understand. Recall also that Cohen is not one for diversification or for playing it safe. So here’s a few choice nuggets for you to ponder:
***
Bloomberg, June 2020: https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-06-05/chewy-founder-cashes-out-bets-on-apple-wells-fargo
· "It's too hard to find, at least for me, what I consider great ideas," he says. "When I find things I have a lot of conviction in, I go all-in."
· Cohen uses the word “conviction” a lot. He says it’s something he learned from his father, who ran a glassware importing business in Montreal where Cohen grew up. “He taught me how to block the noise from the masses,” says Cohen. “To have a point of view and have conviction and not waver.”
· He wouldn’t, however, recommend his [non-diversified] investment approach to everyone. “You need to have the temperament to block the noise,” he says. “Sometimes it feels like a roller coaster.”
· He likens his obsessive focus on building Chewy to his approach to stock picking. "I don't want to swing for a single," he says.
***
You hear that, Jim? Our man Cohen likes idioms too! But fuck those farm idioms, Jim – we’re upgrading to the Sportsball kind now. So what’s the takeaway here? I’d say that Cohen has his Eye On The Ball and that it’s time for all short sellers and the Board to Throw in The Towel because Ryan Goddamn Cohen likes to Take the Bull By The Horns and will ensure that he Hits a Homerun for shareholders that believe in his vision.
Here’s a few more things Mr. Cohen wants all of us to know:
***
Forbes, August 2020: https://www.forbes.com/sites/zackfriedman/2020/08/16/entrepreneur-chewy-founder-ryan-cohen-shares-his-best-advice/?sh=41e1370e5840
· “For me, each no sounded like they just didn’t understand my vision. It was frustrating at times, but never discouraging. Those ‘no’s never made me doubt my strategy – it was the opposite. I was motivated by all the rejections and they just got me fired up.”
· “I understood that thinking big was likely going to be misunderstood along the way. I’m contrarian by nature, so being misunderstood often validates what I’m doing. It wasn’t until Chewy boxes were on doorsteps across the country that the bulk of investors started to recognize our formula.”
· “[M]y biggest risk would have been not taking risk. The risk of going head-to-head against Amazon. The risk of insourcing fulfillment. The risk of building a company in Florida rather than a popular tech hub. The risk of spending $3 million a month on TV ads, more than Home Depot HD -0.1%'s budget. The risk of hiring expensive executives even though we weren’t profitable. These decisions were some of the most controversial and required me being comfortable betting against conventional wisdom, and were often contrary to the advice of my board. Suffice it to say, I was not the most popular board member.”
· “Dad never swayed when he believed in something. I never compromised my vision, regardless how many investors turned me down I was not going to give up on building Chewy into the world’s biggest online pet retailer. I love to be challenged, and I’m flexible on details, but I’m never willing to give up.”
***
Goddamn it, Ryan. I was done having children but now you’ve forced me into getting back on that train just so I can name this future child Ryan Fucking Cohen. Thanks a lot, asshole.
But to return to my point: are those the statements of a man that seems likely to walk away at this point? Or is Cohen trying to tell us all to get ready because he is going All In on this shit?
So where does this leave us? After a huge week where Cohen buys 2.5M more shares and then the SP skyrockets to $20 yesterday on that news? Well, this is where I want to tip my cap to my man Justin Dopierala over at Seeking Alpha and allow him to conclude this section. He, along with his pal Dmitriy Kozin have been pretty clear-eyed on all this shit for a while now and they both deserve some credit. And I know I gave my main man Justin a bit of a hard time in my last novella, but the dude is sharp as hell and helped a lot of us see the forest through the trees here. And you should also definitely invite him to join your poker nights (seriously: check out the dude’s tweet in response to our own Rod Alzmann’s introduction of the #WeWantCohen hashtag right after the Q3 call debacle). https://twitter.com/DOMOCAPITAL/status/1336446055685230592. You have no comment on a potential takeover involving Ryan Cohen, Justin after your hour-long googly-eyed call together? Can’t believe you’re just preemptively leaving the WSJ and Bloomberg hanging like that. Justin, I love you dude, but if I’m holding pocket Kings I’m folding after that tweet because that twinkle in your eye lets me know you’re about to drop two Aces on my ass.
Anyway. Here is what our man Dopierala thinks might happen here soon (and he called this way back on November 17th- and sorry - no links here, per the mods, as apparently no Alpha must ever be Sought from these parts):
I think a very likely outcome at this point is a majority slate next shareholder meeting where Cohen takes over BOD and then makes himself CEO. A majority slate proxy battle would require all institutions to call in shares and would force a squeeze.
We’re intrigued, Justin. Please continue:
If Ryan Cohen successfully negotiates a purchase price with the Board then the shareholders will have to vote on it. Unlike the proxy battle where Hestia and Permit were running a minority slate of directors, an offer to purchase GameStop would force institutions like Vanguard and Blackrock to call in their shares. By doing so, the shorts would be forced to close out their positions and GameStop would finally have the greatest short squeeze of all-time. Ironically, Cohen could use this opportunity to sell all of his shares and use the proceeds to entirely fund the acquisition of GameStop going down as the first person in history to acquire a billion dollar company... for absolutely nothing. In fact, his acquisition price would be less than zero.
And now is when I get to speculate on what I think is going to happen here. But I do not necessarily think Cohen is going to put an offer to buy GME to take private. That would definitely trigger a MOASS, but I’m not sure I see it given the attorneys he’s hired and his recent buys up to $16 and the amount of cash that would take. Like Dopierala’s first comment, though, I think Cohen is going to nominate directors to replace nearly the entire Board of Directors with a vote happening at the annual meeting and once that Board is in place, they’ll appoint Cohen as CEO. And as Justin notes, if he nominates a majority slate of directors, shares will have to be called in to vote. And this vote and proxy battle will make the prior minority slate Hesita/Permit battle, and the tiny short squeeze that took place when that happened, look tame by comparison.
Now everyone: get your calendars out. Because the date to nominate directors here is in Mid-March, and my super-smart corporate lawyer buds inform me that it’s standard practice to file about 7-10 days prior. So, if this actually happening, we should be seeing something on this by early March.
But even though early March is now the mark on the wall, today’s insane price action caused me to think about all of this a bit harder and speculate a bit more. And a major h/t to my buds on the stocktwits board, especially u/rgrAi (@amarbar) for all the sharp analysis on this. But if you were Ryan Cohen and you knew this company was hugely undervalued and you had a high level of CONVICTION here and also knew you needed shareholder votes to sweep out these dumbasses and implement your vision—then how would you play this with the short interest here as crazy as it is? I’d keep buying. Why? Well, lots of reasons, you smart alecks.
First, so I have more guaranteed votes (duh?). Second, so that when the building starts burning and short hedge funds run for the exits they find that a mild-mannered Millennial with super-good ideas has sealed off all the doors and windows. That’s gruesomely delicious, isn’t it? Why else, CPT? Well, finally, and maybe most importantly, because I would want to excite and delight all my fellow shareholders by triggering a slow-burn short squeeze, raising the SP significantly, so that I can once again make the point (as he did in the Nov 16 letter) that the incompetent management that caused a HUGE drop in SP following that utterly incompetent Q3 call and the shelf registration, had nothing to do with the SP increase that again happened once Cohen announced his intent and started buying. Not the console cycle, not the cost containment measures, not the buybacks and not the early debt reduction. Nope: rightly or wrongly, shareholders will see Ryan Cohen buying shares and the corresponding SP increase and everyone—especially all new buyers who are delighted at their good fortune and swept up by Ryan Cohen Fever 2021—will start getting #WeWantCohen tattoos on their ass they’ll be so happy. And all of us, newly enriched by Ryan Cohen’s Big Canadian Balls and tactical brilliance, will crawl over glass to vote for him over The Boomer Artist Formally Known As GameStop’s CEO. I could be very wrong on this last point in particular, but if we start seeing 13Ds drop here shortly, things should get very fun very quickly.
Part 4: A Return to Our Short-Squeeze-to-Da-Moon Discussion: Who’s Side Are You Fucking On, Jim?
Now, Jim, given the fast friendship we’re creating here, and all we’ve been through over the past 5000 words, I hesitate in bringing this up. But we’ve all seen the video, Jim. You know the one I’m talking about. Yes, the one where you actually tell the truth about how short selling hedge funds manipulate the market to knock down the price of perfectly good securities that many hard-working people invest in—many normal-ass people all assuming they wont ever have to Point Where On The Dolly The Invisible Hand of the Economy Touched Them. But that’s not life now is it Jim? And fuck those poor-ass rubes for not knowing how to play the game with you sophisticated Masters of the Universe, amirite?
https://www.reddit.com/dashpay/comments/93evx4/jim_cramer_reveals_dirty_tricks_short_sellers_use/
https://dealbook.nytimes.com/2007/03/20/cramer-market-manipulato
So where are you in this whole GME/Cohen story, Jim? You candidly (gleefully?) acknowledge that a prime strategy that shorts deploy is to spread negative rumors that are then amplified by Big Smart Trustworthy Financial Media Titans like yourself to shake out unsophisticated retail players like my Rocket Kids here—who because of their tiny paper hands and you mean short selling brutes often subsist on paste and paste alone.
So for this particular security, are you the one helping with the manipulation and actively creating the “new truth” or are you just one of the Useful Idiots that these short sellers use to manipulate with an anodyne, TV media-ready comparison like: GameStop Is The Next Blockbuster? And how in the fuck does this fit into your Think Young(TM) project, Jim? Because if there is one thing that we over at WSB fucking hate, it’s a bunch of Manipulative Short Selling Boomer Fuckwads. Why on earth would a hip Young Thinker like you want to be included in that crew, Jim?
And I know we’re all friends here now, Jim, but I need to push back a bit on some of what you said in that video in such a cavalier whatareyagonnado manner. So if I understand you, short and distort and fomenting negative reactions from retail players based on deliberately false narratives is illegal, but still easy as fuck to do "because the SEC doesn't understand it." But you fucking do understand it, Jim! So why are you helping those short and distorters break the law here? Why are you being such an obtuse dumbshit? Just check out what happens to the borrow rate and short selling every time there is any good news for GME:
https://stocktwits.com/Slantedangles/message/264519950 (h/t @slantedangles). This manipulation isn't just happening with GME; it is happening everywhere. It’s baked into the cake. And that is pretty fucked up that we all just accept it because whatareyagonnado.
I think that one thing that those of us who truly do Think Young(TM) have a hard time understanding is at what point in your lives do you Boomers all finally come to realize that it’s maybe time to stop playing the game like you have been? What point do you finally have enough where doing the right thing matters more than getting paid? Maybe start by telling the truth more often—and maybe don’t go out of your way to help those corrupt-ass hedge fund managers who continually fuck over average people merely because they were stupid enough to believe you all. What contempt you Masters of the Universe have for all of them—for all of us. There is a bigger story here on GME and this out-of-control short interest (naked shorting, counterfeit shares) http://counterfeitingstock.com/CS2.0/CounterfeitingStock.html than even Ryan Cohen and the inevitable short squeeze we’re about to witness here. And it begins and ends with people like you and Melvin Capital and Bank of America not giving a fuck about the rules while thinking you’re smarter than the rest of us who do—but who lack power to do anything about it. And you know what? Maybe you are smarter than us. You certainly know how to play this game pretty well, as that video shows. But if I know my old school 1980s movies like I think I do, this is usually the part of the story where the rag-tag kids from across the tracks come over to show you hubristic rich fuckheads what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.
Now I myself have never dabbled in pacifism, Jim, so this isn’t too much of a stretch for me, but seeing that video of yours and seeing the insane short interest and all the manipulation here makes me want to burn the whole corrupt system to the ground—while barricading the doors to trap in those arrogant-ass short sellers who lie and cheat and distort to profit off average people. And though I’m certain that this larger battle is not driving him, maybe that result is one that Ryan Cohen wouldn’t mind too. Though he’s a polite Canadian and would probably just let everyone know that he’s not really mad, just disappointed. But me? I’m an Angry American and I say: Block the fucking doors and windows and light that shit up.
So maybe this epistle will be useful for your Think Young(TM) project and cause you to reflect a bit more on what’s really going on out there with this whole GME thing and the likely illegal shorting that has driven the short percentage of float to these insane levels, drawing in new retail shorts too stupid to know what’s even happening. Or maybe it wont cause you to reflect in the slightest (count me as one of those cynical types that see your overtures to WSB as a transparent play for greater market share from the Young Crowd since your old-ass audience is dying and/or switching to bonds). But in a few months when all the Billy Ray Valentines and Louis Winthorpes assembled here are toasting each other in stupid shirts on a white-sand beach somewhere, we do not want you to look back on your knee-jerk boomer-ass dismissal of GME and your Useful Idiot blathering with that same tinge of regret and longing you feel when you look at a pre-Client 9 picture of you and your old roomie: warm-toes-and-hosiery-enthusiast E. Spitzer, Esq.
In conclusion: GME = Blockbuster comparisons are for Simps and Corrupt Short-and-Distorters. Don’t be like them, Jim. And to my Rocket Children: the only weapon we wield in this stupid game is Diamond Hands with a float like this. Toughen the fuck up.
And Happy Holidays everyone.
--CPT Hubbard
TL/DR: Jim Cramer likes farm-based idioms and apparently being a useful idiot to scummy short selling hedge funds. DD on the GME turnaround is solid and overleveraged short sellers should be shitting themselves. Ryan Cohen, our polite, hard-working Canadian benefactor is about to rip all our fucking faces off and trigger a MOASS. Probably even by early March, if that time is good for you (he’ll text before he comes). And fuck infinite regress: It’s rockets all the way down here. 🚀🚀🚀 Now: diamond hands, motherfuckers.
**This is a shitpost and is only to be used as investment and life advice for Mr. Jim Cramer, Esq.

Detective-work gets “interesting” with humans involved

Detective Axaxa wandered around the darkening streets before the lampposts turned on. Apparently, the fugitive was somewhere on this lazy back-water planet, hidden from any prying eyes. Except for all the eyes staring at her of course, off-worlders tended to stand out in a world like this. “Bloody fucking hellhole on a kebab-stick.” She told herself “Of all the planets in the galaxy the fucker had to choose the one run by criminals, smugglers and wannabe revolutionaries.” Moron probably thought she was one of them, maybe she’s just trying to play smart, but places like these would chew her up and spit her out unless she knew exactly what she was doing. Probably though, she picked the first unmarked planet and tried to escape to it on a rented starship because she forgot those things have tracking devices. The detective was told the planet to start investigating, but none of the background, someone wanted all this on the hush hush.
They only give Axaxa the vaguest of descriptions of the fugitive - only that a set of new implants had driven them insane. The only sure thing was that the person was greener than a baby on a roller coaster; the only reason they were alive was apparently the top-of-the-line tech implanted in her. When she heard the girl’s description, it sounded too good to be true, x10 speed, strength and x7 reflexes, insane augments, far better than her own. Though strangely, they never really said the girl’s species, only a description, which sounded iffy to the detective. Bipedal, tan skin, mammalian, all that, but no species name; that’s usually what any organisation start with, It’s almost as if they didn’t want her to find the girl… Whatever, she made sure she got paid a stupidly expensive rate by the hour. If they didn’t send her more info, she could just sit here a week and think nothing more of it… except for the fact that there was physically not enough money in the galaxy to get her to stay here for a single second longer than necessary – no, she would find the girl, even if she had to kidnap every 1.7 meter sentient female on the entire damned planet.
This planet itself was forgotten by every nation which gave a damn, run by small-town mobsters, a dangerous and faraway place for a psycho like this girl to get herself to. But if she truly had all those implants, at least they would not go fully to waste. Planet Torel was better left forgotten and unseen, a position she would gladly have left it as except that her fucking fugitive decided to squat here! The sooner she could find her, the sooner she would get paid, the sooner she got out. Win, win, win. The fucking hell-hole could throw itself into the Eccliarch’s anus for all she cared, and the girl could join it there for making her aware this place even existed.
The problem, as always, was finding this fugitive, she ditched the rented ship soon after landing, and then disappeared, there weren’t too many options for her to hide in, but this was still a planet. No central information network or internet either, just as a shithole of anarchy ought to be. She hacked the orbital defence platforms to kill any ship getting away from the place, that should keep the gangs and mafias occupied for a good few days. Good thing her patrons basically gave her a blank check to get the material she needed for this stuff. She would have to find the girl the old fashion way. The problem? She didn’t have a guide, she didn’t have a contact here, worse, she didn’t have any contacts who had contacts here, just goes to show how utterly bizarre the place was – it was like discovering a playboy who decided to become a priest, it just didn’t happen. She had one main advantage, apparently one of the implants had a tracker, which would signal to her when she got within 500 meters of this fugitive.
As the day turned to night, she decided she would do a basic search pattern of the town, just in case the simple-minded idiot decided to hide-out somewhere obvious. She had her sleep nullifiers on her, so she didn’t need to find a place to rest for at least a week. Most likely, she’d know just enough to not blindly believe that the mayor’s office was built on top of the local strip-club, though judging by the look of the place, that remained to be seen. But… to tell the truth, she wouldn’t mind beating a few small-time criminals for fun. Ohhh, maybe the relentless and amusing violence would make up for this whole mess in the first place.
It wasn’t long before she heard a noise behind her – about time. She turned around with augmented speed, ready to lash out at what was probably a petty thief figuring an off-worlder for easy pickings. A couple of kids screamed and ran away – just kids, probably planning to knife her and take whatever belongings she had, fucking morons. She turned around, and centimetres form her face, a dark figure stood. She immediately jumped back five meters with her augmented speed and drew her weapon, sweat dripping from her brow – no one. She scanned her surroundings – nothing. Must have been a trick of the light, it was impossible that anyone could sneak up on her like that, she had 360 degree infra-red, X-ray, ultra and infrasonic scanners. No one could simply just sneak up on her. She tentatively continued walking forwards, but with no other noise, she holstered her gun and started walking again.
“Hey ya, don’t point that at me, I get nervous with guns and stuff.” A voice from the shadows said. She froze again. What was he, a ghost? Ha! No! Obvious! A holographic emitter, someone decided to spook her using one, that’s why she didn’t read anything until right before the voice. Now, all the emissions existed, but those could all be faked. She turned around. The relatively short figure wore a fur-lined blue hoodie, which made it impossible to see his face, or even his species. Bipedal though, so that was something.
She almost rolled her eyes at her own jitteriness, but using holograms for a prank like this was new, would there be a couple of pickpockets around the corner waiting for their moment? “What?” she said impatiently.
The figure laughed, “That’s na way speak ta an old friend like me.” it extended its hand. Axaxa stared at it, what was it doing? “What, they don’t know what a hand-shake is on yar world?”
Axaxa stared at the figure. “You’re a hologram, don’t even try to deny it.”
The figure stared at her, then laughed “Ahhh almost had ya didn’t I... Detective Axaxa, right?” he retreated his hand twirled it around like a moron and grinned like an idiot, white square teeth shining from the shadow. “Well,” he shrugged and walked past her, both his hands tucked into his pockets. “Detective Axaxa right?” She tried to say something but the figure in the blue hoodie talked over her. “I know about ya, and I know about yar op. Ya were hired to track that crazy lady who came a couple of days ago, right? But I’m better at finding people than y’are…” he turned towards her with his smile, “whaddaya say, I take ya to her, ya bring her in, I take 25%, ya take the rest, ya get off this rock, I get off on whatever. Deal?”
She couldn’t quite believe the character of this guy “Let me see your face and know your name first.” Axaxa folded her arms and leaned against a wall.
“As ya wish milaidy.” The figure pulled down his hoodie, somehow without using his hands, his broad grin still plastered on his face. His face, almost white, tuft of pure white hair, blue eyes… obviously human. What was a backwater race from the other end of the galaxy doing here? “Call me Dante, ya don’t really wanna know more, and I know all about ya. Sa let’s just get to the girl before she decides to make the reactor go nuclear or some small thing like it, kapishe?”
She rolled her eyes, then followed the primitive. They didn’t walk for long before her questions started to pile up, finally, she indulged herself “What the hell is a human doing here? It’s not like anyone else could do the job just as well.”
Dante kept grinning then glanced at her, “Like ya?” She huffed, “Na offense ma’am, but some things require some… special… talons…” He stared at her legs, which were indeed… talons… She almost punched his stupid grin then and there, but she remembered that this was just a hologram, and he’d laugh at her for it. She’d rather open a strip-club under the Mayor’s palace on this planet than be subjected to that. “Anyways, I’m just here on some business, which ya don’t care about, with some people ya don’t care about, and they want ya ta get the lady, so I want ya ta get the lady. Simple nah?”
Axaxa looked back at him, what was the human even talking about now? “Are we getting close? Or are you only pretending not to waste my time.”
He kept talking through his grin. “Should be almost within range for ya ta detect her.” He hesitated, “Just sa ya know, I’m the guide, I’m not getting involved in your fight unless I absolutely have ta. Sa take care, na whoospies, else it gets a bit serious. Babe’s got some gear under her hood if ya know what I mean. Got it?”
If he was this useless, he should just wipe the grin off his face, plaster it on a billboard instead, maybe then other people could be as miserable as she felt, he’d probably become a billionaire from everyone who would pay him to get to wipe it off the billboards. She looked back at her readings, 500 meters. There it was, finally, one simple job and she could finally get off this stupid rock.
***
It didn’t take long to get to the empty warehouse, the ugly barely lit rectangular shape contrasted in front of the night sky. Axaxa entered without making any special effort to be discrete, confident that she was more than able to handle whatever was going to happen.
Whimpering, or was it sobbing, came out from the far wall of the mostly empty warehouse. It only had a few steel pillars and some piles of boxes with white sheets over them. The sounds came from behind one of them. She smiled and looked at her protocols again – capture, do not kill. Augmented and extremely dangerous. The detective smiled; this would be a good fight.
She oriented herself towards the noise, her implants giving her an almost pinpoint location. She unholstered her gun and telepathically commanded it to load an electric net, she aimed above the box, the net was guided towards its target and would likely cause a surge throughout the implants, immobilising it. Smash and grab, like she liked it.
She aimed and fired the single shot, the bullet arched over the boxes then fired thrusters and dove towards the target. The net expanded to cover the entire area in charged electrical wires. The figure who had just been crouched and crying a few minutes before instinctively jumped out of the boxes and stared at Axaxa with crazed eyes. Crazed human eyes, to be exact – what was it with her and these humans today?
The human let out a screech and sprinted towards her from 60 meters away, she was fast. Axaxa managed to shoot her in the head 12 times with her EMP bullets but it obviously had some sort of surge-protector or energy shield. Damn all this and their mother. She jumped out of the human’s path as she barrelled past her for another 20 meters as she broke through the back steel wall, making a hole in it as if it were made from jello. Axaxa creaked her arms, that would have hurt.
The human turned around, looking manically at the detective, she showed obvious signs of psychosis. Probably some runaway program that gradually took over parts of her psyche, always an issue with experimental tech. Likely her pain-receptors were malfunctioning, hence why she refused to stay down after EMP shots. Axaxa took out another gun she kept holstered on her left side, one filled with lethal ammunition, it would take more than non-lethal bullets to take this one down. The human stared at her, then jumped a dozen meters into the air towards her – perfect.
Axaxa calculated her trajectory and fired three high-explosive rounds towards her. Two shot wide as the human showed surprising manoeuvrability mid-air, but the third one hit true. Sending her flying back towards the ceiling. In a fluid movement, the human oriented her legs towards the ceiling and bounced off on another vector with enough strength to cause the whole structure to buckle. Axaxa wouldn’t let her escape. She jumped onto the crates and tracked the human and fired three homing HE rounds towards her. By some method the human grabbed a pillar with a single arm and swung back towards her like an acrobat, the missiles exploding harmlessly behind her, and the human flying not so harmlessly towards the detective. Axaxa had just the time to throw down one of her portable shields – that bounced the human off, sending it flying of towards some crates again. She only had one more of those, she had to be careful, this human wasn’t to be under-estimated, if she was completely honest, this could end very badly for her, feeling nervous for the first time in a long time. She could get into some very serious problems if that human caught her in grappling range.
The human’s face changed, from crazed – to almost dead. At least she got the human to recognise her as enough of a danger to active the combat mode of the implants, she thought. The human glanced towards her, then ran at her hap-hazardly, causing her targeting computer to go crazy. No matter, Axaxa jumped backwards onto a heap of crates, unloading two more nets in front of her to restrict the human’s movement.
The human somersaulted over them, just as expected, she unloaded a full clip of 12 HE missiles on her. The human evaded most of them, but two hit her left shoulder, causing visible damage. No… she had lured three missiles to her left side, she caught one of the missiles without it exploding and hurled it back towards Axaxa. The detective jumped out of the way of the explosion; she was blinded for 1.2 seconds. In that time, the human bounced off the ground where Axaxa had stood and barrelled towards her, her right fist connecting with the detective’s stomach, barrelling the detective four meters into the air with definite internal bleeding. Before she could get back onto the ground, the human jumped after her and punched her again mid-air. This time, Axaxa had the presence to lock her arms together and deflect the blow, it sent her flying towards a pillar, that would at least make some distance between them.
Axaxa’s medical implants were quickly healing her injuries, but they needed a minute; she probably couldn’t take too many more of those punches. Just how many implants did this girl receive damn it? The human girl sprinted towards her. No time to think, she lost her guns, time to get serious – they weren’t that effective anyways. Axaxa spread her arms and legs, she hated using this mode, but this moment called for it. Her shirt and trousers ripped as meter-long blades came out of her fore-arms, and jump-springs came out of her talons. As the human barrelled towards her again, Axaxa jumped away from the human with ease using her new-found agility and sliced open the human’s back, splashing red hot blood onto her blade.
She should be careful, though this mode had serious benefits to agility and attacking ability, it seriously weakened her arms and legs. One hit from the girl there could break them off. The human chuckled as she stretched her arms around their full range of motion, damn that range of motion, was the girl an acrobat or something? That cut barely seemed to phase her. No, if Axaxa was getting her bagged, she needed to go on the offensive. This time the detective took off at a sprint towards the human, almost as fast as the human herself. The human glanced in surprise as she saw her covering a dozen meters in less than two seconds. Axaxa swung her left blade towards the girl, she arched herself backwards almost 90 degrees then spun around and kicked the detective in the ribs, sending the detective flying towards the nearest wall.
Two more ribs broken. But there was no time to heal this time, no time to activate that shield either. The girl had followed the detective and used a single kick to crush the detective’s right arm. As Axaxa screamed in pain, the human grabbed the detective’s left shin and almost completely crushed it, the detective was just barely able to find a round of armor-piercing ammo in her pocket. She grabbed it with her remaining hand and slammed it against the human’s neck. The self-propelled uranium shell piercing her skin and pushing the human into the ground. Axaxa could now barely walk, she put her weight on her right leg and jumped towards the exit. She had only bounded twice when she saw the human get back up – what exactly was in that thing? Was it even biological at this point? Axaxa knew she couldn’t fight it, her only chance was to run, but the human took a rock, a simple rock, and threw it straight at the detective’s head, sending her crashing towards the ground.
The girl advanced towards her slowly. Axaxa closed her eyes, unless… unless she thought of a way out, this would be it, a cold fear froze her spine as she looked at the human slowly making her way towards her. The girl’s own medical implants repairing her damage, whereas the detectives’ were still struggling with the first fractures. She tried to crawl away, but the human threw a rod, impaling the detective through her stomach where she laid. Now, she started to tremble in fear, was this it? On a forgotten world in the middle of the ass end of space? Fuck.
“Hey ya.” A familiar voice resounded in her head. “looks like ya need a bit of help.” Dante! That damned fool.
“If you’re going to do something to distract her, you’d better do it NOW!” She screamed.
“Oh I will,” he said in a falsely jovial tone. “but don’t ya say I didn’t warn ya that this was a toughie.” Idiot, of course he didn’t. He appeared behind the human girl, “Oi, you!” He screamed out, his hands still in his hoodie’s pockets. The girl looked around towards him. “Why don’t ya pick on someone yar own species?”
The girl lunged towards him with even greater speed than she fought Axaxa, covering the 60 meters in less than two seconds. He disappeared into thin air, as he always did, and reappeared 20 meters away. She jumped towards him again, but he didn’t disappear this time, he somersaulted over her and landed perfectly on a single leg, facing the girl, on some crates behind her – releasing a cloud of dust as he lazily kicked up some dust. In that moment, Axaxa froze with a terror she had never felt before, not even a few moments ago. This was the moment when she realised – he wasn’t a hologram.
Dante smiled, but this wasn’t his innocent smile from before, this was a cruel smile, a manic smile. Gods did every human have one of those smiles? The girl swung at him again but he ducked under and over her several times, always faster – no not just faster; he made the girl look like an 200 year-old trying to fight with a professional soldier in their prime, he was making a game of it. Finally, he had enough and seemingly simply lifted his leg and sent the girl careening towards a pillar. He stretched his neck, then looked lazily back down at the girl.
The girl looked angry, but this time she didn’t charge him, she waited to see what he would do. He just laughed, “Ha! You’re finally afraid to fight someone from your own species now?” The girl sniffed like an animal. For an instant, Dante looked sad, “for what it’s worth I’m sorry… It shouldn’t have happened; you don’t deserve it.” The girl sniffed at him again, his evil smile returned, and he just shrugged. “But anyways, it’s always fun dancing with you, even like this.” His face grew pale, and serious, his eyes lost all their colour, colour seemingly draining from all around him as if he emitted darkness. “But now it’s time for you to come back home, Lara.” She lunged at him and he yet again teleported behind another pillar.
The girl charged him again – but his left hand was finally outside his pocket, his palm open, towards her. She ran towards him, and his left eye… shone blue. Blue smoke errupting from it… his toothy smile plastered on his face as his breath also released the brilliant smoke.
There a flash of light from his palm, the girl was pulled upwards by an immense force, crashing her towards the ceiling, almost collapsing the whole warehouse. He pulled his fist down and seemingly flung her to the ground almost instantly. Dante made a single flick of his wrist, glowing blue smoke broke out from the ground and formed as large metal chains around the girl’s arms and legs, completely immobilising her. He touched his hand to the ground and Axaxa saw the electricity arc through some unknown path through the ground and electrocuted the human. After a short scream, she fell unconscious. Just like that. Dante stared at Axaxa, with that one blue eye and that same toothy grin. The detective somehow felt more afraid now than when she thought she was about to die. “Sorry ‘bout that, weren’t exactly supposed ta see that but Lara here kinda went overboard. Sa I’ll say sorry for this too.” He snapped his fingers, light emanating from them, and she felt herself hurled into a deep sleep.
***
She woke up on her ship, in space, with a suitcase filled with money. What… just happened… her ribs felt fine, she even looked at her arms, they were both just fine, though apparently, her shirt did change.
She got out of her seat and looked through the ship’s logs – everything from the last three days were deleted, all except for one document, a video. She opened it.
“Hey ya!” the familiar voice of Dante spoke, with his infamous grin and his hoodie. “Well, I know you got back safe. For what it’s worth, sorry about the mess with Lara. There’s always a much greater chance of psychosis when you downgrade a person’s implants. You know how it is…” Axaxa sighed, what was it with these humans, did they all have implants like those? Those would have been top of the line, until she saw whatever Dante had of course “Anyways, ya know I can’t say much. But ya impressed me with yar skills anyways. So paid ya in full times two for ya trouble.” She glanced over at the suitcase, it was indeed very full. “Anyways, I’d much appreciate it if ya didn’t mention that humans were involved in any of this, otherwise it’s your next of kin who’s gonna be enjoying that cash.” She chuckled, fucking Dante. Only he could make a threat seem both serious and half-hearted at the same time. “Sa job’s done. We’ve written ya a cover story to put on yar resume if ya really want to talk about it.”
Just as she was about to click off, he continued “By the way. I was actually impressed by your fight, Lara wasn’t supposed to be able to use more than 10% of her cap, ya stood up to her right up until she went to 30. So, if you like the cash in that suitcase, we could make use of a few detectives like you. Once you wake up, just send a 136.7 Mega hertz microwave signal and I’ll know you’ll be up for more. Whatddaya say, ready for round 2 and a truckload more cash?”
Axaxa closed her eyes, grinning. Humans, they didn’t want humans involved in this. The resources, the breadth of the operation, the hush hush. This wasn’t a random corp, this didn’t feel like a corp. No… she was ready to bet her ship that these guys were somehow involved with the human government – somehow. And humans, that faraway backwater race on the other end of the galaxy, here, with powers beyond imagining. She actually laughed at the absurdity of it all. Yes she almost died, but anyone had to admit, it was rather interesting. She pressed the button to emit the microwave frequency.
An incoming transmission immediately played on her ship, Dante again, “Glad you decided to stay, ready for a small trip to a regional media office run by a corrupt politician?”
She shrugged, “It’s more fun with you guys around anyways. But ya’ll are paying me double.”
Dante looked off into the distance, “1.5, sounds good?”
“Deal,” Axaxa said, “where’re we heading?”

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